“I’ll find you a good leaf.”
“A leaf!”
“Yeah, it’s to wipe your dirty butt.”
“Oh my God, I can’t do this.”
“You can always drop the kids off at the lake, Mila.”
“Leo, you’re not helping.”
“Dude, it’s just a poo. Shit happens.”
“Yeah, but not in front of you.”
“Would you like me to let a fart fly to make you feel better?”
“No!”
He shrugged. “Hey, I offered.”
“You know what? Fuck this.”
“Let’s try—”
I instantly spun around, kicking in the door as hard as I possibly could. To both our surprise, it jolted open. Crashing into the wall.
“Add destruction of private property to the fines you’ll be paying.”
With that, I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me. Praying, I’d make it to the toilet.
—Leo—
“I can hear you dropping a deuce, Mila!”
“Get away from the door!”
“I’m kidding. Geez, who would have thought taking a shit would make you so moody.”
“Leo, I swear to God if you don’t get away from the door I’m going to—”
“Okay! Okay! I’ll be sitting by the lake. Make sure to courtesy flush, I can smell your ass from here!”
“Leo!”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it. This didn’t bother me one bit, if anything, I thought this was hilarious. Mila had always been reserved when it came to stuff like this.
She was such a girl.
I walked down to the lake and kicked off my sandals before sitting down on the grass. Getting close enough to the edge, I slid my feet into the water. Appreciating mother nature while I waited for Mila, I took in my surroundings. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, it was the perfect afternoon to spend here.
The last time we were at this lake, we had our college acceptance letters in our hands. Opening them at the same time, we sat in this exact spot. Our excitement flooding out of us, we were ready for our first taste of independence from our parents. Except, I didn’t move out. Mila did. And now, she was moving across the world with my other best friend.
Cain and Mila.
Mila and Cain.
She swore there wasn’t anything going on between them, so did he.
They were just friends.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved he’d at least be there for her when she needed someone. As much as I hated she was leaving, I had peace of mind that Cain would be there to look out for her. Mila could take care of herself though, I made sure of it.
I thought about the future of my life without her in it, until I heard footsteps fast approaching.
“I hope you washed your hands, stinky butt.”
“I swear to God, Leo.” She sat down beside me. “If you ever bring this up again or tell anyone what just happened, I will never talk to you again.”
Our eyes connected. “Do you feel lighter?”
“Leo…”
I laughed, laying back onto the grass to look up at her face and the sky.
“I’m being serious.”
“So am I. You feel better? You look better. Not so shitty.”
She glared at me.
Chuckling, I taunted, “Your love for me is like taking a poo. You can’t hold it in.”
“Oh my God.”
“Did you sink your battleship?”
She covered her face and bowed her head. “You’re never going to let me live this down.”
I pulled her hands away from her bright red cheeks. “Not a chance.”
“Just promise me you’ll never tell anyone about this.”
“Oh man, I don’t know, Lala. That’s a lot to ask. I think I might tell Cain just to keep him away from your panties.”
“Cain does not want in my panties.”
“He wouldn’t if I told him you kicked in a locked door to take a dookie.”
“Leo!”
“All right, all right, I’ll stop. For now.”
“Gee,” she mocked. “How kind of you.”
“I have to admit, this might be my new favorite memory of you. Don’t take it away from me so soon, Mila.”
“I’m so glad to see that my total humiliation pleases you so much.”
“You’ve always been so uptight about normal bodily functions. You really think I didn’t catch on to you sneaking a poo in the mornings? It was only a matter of time before you let it rip in front of me.”
“Not by choice! That never should have happened!”
“What?” I shrugged, speaking the truth, “I think it’s cute. You’re so fucking adorable.”
She hid back a smile. “You’re just saying that because you know I’m dying of embarrassment right now.”
“It could have been worse. You could have shit your pants and been washing them in the lake right now. Count your blessings you know how to kick in a door. Which was really fucking cool by the way. You’re like a superhero of Poop Patrol. It’s good to know that when you’re about to shit yourself, you’ll do what it takes to get in that bathroom.”
“I was kind of a badass back there.”
I nodded, grinning.
“Thanks for offering to find me a leaf.”