“Yes,” I say, because he’s worth the risk. Slowly, he presses forward, one finger claiming my ass, and I hiss in a breath. “It hurts.”
“It will at first.” He rubs my clit with his free hand, and I groan, his touch a steady vortex of heaven and hell that shoots me higher until I’m certain there’s nowhere to go except over the edge.
But I’m a prisoner on the precipice, every atom of my flesh straining for the fall.
“Do you want me?” His question drips with doubt, and if the doctor’s elixir isn’t enough to keep me grounded, the hint of suspicion in Liam’s tone is.
“Of course I do.” Every piece of me is begging for him.
“You’ll find no release in this.” He slips another finger in, alongside the first, and the pressure builds in my ass as he stretches his way deeper.
“I don’t care,” I groan, trying not to cry out from the burn.
“Does it still hurt?”
“No.”
He halts, fingers seated as far as they’ll go. “Don’t lie to me. Anal can feel incredibly good, but it takes patience and experience. If you think my fingers are painful, imagine what my cock will feel like.”
I groan again at the thought, curious and aroused and terrified all at once.
“It’ll hurt like hell, and you won’t be able to orgasm to offset the pain.”
“Why are you telling me this now? I thought you wanted this?”
“I do. So damn much.”
“Then what’s the problem?” I crane my neck and meet his gaze over my shoulder.
His brows furrow over dark, turbulent eyes. Knowing eyes. “How about we use some of that honesty you were talking about earlier? Why do you want me to do this?”
I try blinking away the truth, only giving him half of it. “If you won’t, someone else will.”
“Who?” he practically growls.
“Vance.” The lie vibrates off my lips before I can stop it.
Liam shakes his head, withdrawing his touch. “I can not believe you just lied to me again, especially about this.”
My heart drops, shame taking root in my stomach. “H-how did you know?”
“I was there when Sebastian made a deal with the doctor. Vance isn’t taking your anal virginity.”
I gasp, cheeks flaming with my slip-up. Because I knew this, and yet I’d forgotten that Liam was in the room the night I tried seducing Sebastian. He even told me how the chancellor wasn’t happy about the deal he’d made, but I’d put it out of my mind, overcome with the intensity of what happened in my bedroom later that night.
The night I put my mouth on Sebastian for the first time.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking as I put a few inches between us. I can’t meet his eyes as I pull my panties back into place. Picking up my dress, I hold it to my chest, shaking under the onslaught of his disappointment.
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He pauses, breaths coming as fast and violent as the sea. “But not like this, while your heart’s conflicted.” The soft pad of his shoes brings him closer, and he lifts my chin. “I want you as my wife, taking pleasure as much as you give it.”
“You said we’d do it your way. Why lead me on if you weren’t planning to go through with it?”
“I thought I could, but I can’t.” He slides his palm along my cheek before tangling his fingers in my hair. “Not as long as your motivations involve him.” He lowers his gaze, maybe to hide his disappointment, or maybe because he can’t stand to look at me anymore.
“Liam…I don’t want him to have this.”
“Why?”
My gaze fastens to his, and I realize how important my answer is to him. “He scares me,” I whisper, my confession carrying the weight of many reasons.
Sebastian Stone is the unknown monster under the bed, the beast hiding in the darkness of my closet at night. He has the power to hurt me in the physical sense, but he also has the power to grind my heart to dust. The pull I feel toward him is forceful and terrifying, but these are things I don’t want to admit to Liam. I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have.
Liam clenches his jaw, the angles of his beautiful face lined in agony as if he heard everything I didn’t say. “It kills me to know he’ll be the first.”
“He doesn’t have to be. Please. Why won’t you do this for me?”
“I can’t!” He drags a hand through his hair, eyes veering toward the darkening sky. “The Brotherhood lives by a code.” He shakes his head, waves of tangible aggravation wafting off him. “I was foolish for thinking I could break it.”
“I’m sick of your codes and rules and bullshit!” I close my eyes for several seconds, striving for composure. “I want you, and you want me. Doesn’t that count for something?”