The nights of the first month of their marriage had passed with romantic evenings on the swing watching the sunset together, raunchy games of poker where he'd taught her what he meant by wagering their clothes, and every night had been spent naked in his bed where she fell asleep after another bout of his slow, thorough lovemaking.
All and all, it was a satisfactory start to a new marriage, and Emma was more than pleased at the depth of her happiness. She was dismayed that she'd fallen into the belief that she would never marry, and now she was hoping that soon, they would be blessed with a family. She desperately wanted Luke's children, she wanted to hold them in her arms and suckle them to her breast and nurture them into adulthood.
She began asking Maria hesitant questions, and the other woman had bluntly asked her if she was with child.
Emma had confessed that she knew nothing about it, and didn't know how she would be able to tell. Maria had been very no-nonsense about it and told her the most telling sign would be the cessation of her monthly. She also explained about morning sickness and sore breasts. She told her that she may crave certain foods, while just the thought of others would make her green around the gills.
Emma listened and absorbed everything the other woman told her, but she hadn't had any of the signs as of yet. She was hopeful that soon though, she would.
Chapter Thirteen
A few more weeks passed and it was a day like any other.
Emma had gone to the barns and stables so many times with Luke that she began visiting the mare Luke had given her every day with a special treat. She usually took an apple or a carrot or two and admired the horse she had named Beauty. It was a simple name, and she sometimes thought the animal deserved to be called something more unique, but the fact was, she was a beauty, and that's what Emma began calling her while she tried to think of a proper name.
So one day she'd given up, and the pretty, dappled mare was christened "Beauty."
Emma leaned over the stall and ran her hand lovingly down the mare's flank. She crooned to the animal as she let her mind wander.
There was absolutely no question about it. She was in love with her husband. She'd never told him so, but the words had almost slipped out more than once in the darkened privacy of night when he was deep inside of her and holding her with an inflexible strength that made her think he'd never willingly let her go.
Surely he loved her too?
Emma wasn't one to play games in a matter such as this, she was open and honest and the reserve she still felt wasn't about the way he was with her in the stillness of their bedroom at night. At those times, his implacable strength as he held her and the way he seemed to worship her body reassured her that his feelings for her must run deep.
But then daylight would come, and although he was still courteous to her and seemed to watch her even more closely, a mask would come over his face and bleed over into his emotions. He would freeze up and remained closed off until slowly, with the sinking of the sun, he would soften and relax and assuage her troubled heartache once again.
It was a routine that became typical for them and she didn't think he even realized what he was doing. Or if he did, he probably didn't think she noticed. She tried to keep her demeanor constant, she tried not to let his confusing, contradictory attitude affect her own manner with him. She wanted only harmony in their marriage, and whatever he was feeling during the light of day wasn't something she wanted to allow to bring discord to their union.
But she couldn't bring herself to ask him why his manner changed during the day time hours. The love she felt for him was too new, too recent to feel the security she needed to question him about it.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the squeak of a hinge and she turned her head to see Luke at the entrance, standing still for a moment while he allowed his eyes to adjust to the much dimmer light in the interior of the building.
It wasn't much of a reprieve to steady her nerves, but it was enough time to allow her the thought that she shouldn't have to steel herself against him like this. What he made her feel unsettled her, and although she knew exactly how he reacted in the dark of the night, during the day, his actions could never be taken for granted.
He strode over and was in front of her within seconds. His eyes made a cursory look around, studying her for a few seconds and then running his gaze quickly over the horses, and then moved to the ground around her feet, until they touched on all four walls and then focused on her once again.
"What are you doing out here?" Once again, his words held no appreciable warmth, they were short and succinct, asking her a question that he expected an answer to.
"Bringing a treat to Beauty," she injected softness into her tone and tried to pretend she was answering the same man that held her in his arms every night and not the stranger he was at this moment. She desperately wanted the same person during the daylight hours, the same person whose passion and ardor seemed to speak of a strong devotion to her. She knew he had the ranch to run; he couldn't give her all of his time, she understood that and that's not what she expected. She just didn't want his continuous act of courteous stranger whenever they weren't in bed together.
"I don't like you to come out here by yourself, I've told you that before."
"You didn't say I couldn't come," she replied in the most level tone she could manage because she didn't care if he had given her that edict or not, she wouldn't be held prisoner in her own home. But she waited to see how this would play out, because there was absolutely no use riling him if it wasn't absolutely necessary. She would rebel against him if it came to that, but watching him now, seeing the aggressiveness in every line of his body, she was forced to acknowledge that it would be easier for her to find a different way.
Certainly she didn't stand a physical chance against him, and the interaction between them now was only underlining what kind of man she was up against. A man who was going to get his way no matter what. A man who would brook no opposition to his wishes. This wasn't something new to her, it was information she already had when she married him. But now she could see that it was up to her to establish how their marriage would be. She could verbally fight against him, try to impose her way in a series of confrontations that she knew she would not only lose, but that would throw up a wall between them. A wall that would divide them, a wall that would be almost impossible to knock down in the future.
Or she could comply with his outright demands, while seeming to take his suggestions under consideration. Instead of trying to fight his forceful domination with aggressiveness that would only raise his hackles, she could wage a war with feminine fortitude.
Was it being totally honest to her principles? No, it was not. But she only had to answer to herself, not to anyone else, and if it caused her no guilt and no sense of shame then she didn't think it should matter. It was true; he was territorial and possessive, he was coarse and almost brutal. But he was brutal in his need to protect her. He could even be harsh and ferocious with her in his obsessive compulsion to keep her safe. But he wasn't trying to subjugate her; he wasn't trying to make her subservient to him. And it was that difference that allowed her to let him get away with his behavior.
She knew with every breath that she took that she loved him, and she loved the faults that made him who he was, and with every beat of her heart, she desperately wanted a marriage free of acrimony, a relationship of peace and calmness, and fighting against him would never accomplish that.
Instinctively, she knew the key to the answer lay somewhere hidden in the impenetrable defense he seemed to put up whenever they weren't in bed together. If she could break through that, figure out what was making him act the way he did, then they could have a completely happy union. Or at least she hoped so.
He was silent as his eyes narrowed on her and Emma could plainly see the impatience glittering in his gaze. Impatience and something else. His nostrils flared and as he scanned her critically his gaze dropped to her breasts. The air turned hot and su
ltry between them and suddenly Emma felt the same hot intensity she felt when he slipped naked into bed at night.
Her first thought was that it was shocking that he would turn that heated look on her now, when they were outside in the barn. But that was quickly followed by elation that he was looking at her with heat and lust even though the sun was still high in the sky.
But that didn't matter now in the dimness of the barn, with the musky smell of hay and the earthiness of the dirt floor under their feet.
He focused his attention on her and the rest of the world disappeared. Her hand dropped from the horse's flank and a blush rose on her face. Just as she thought he would reach for her, he turned and walked back the way he had come in. Once he got there, he took the beam of wood that barred the door and lifted it, letting it fall into the slots that would insure their privacy.
He returned back to her and lifted her chin. "When will you learn to do as I say?"
"You never told me I couldn't come out here," she repeated softly.
"Is that what it's going to take?" His eyes were brooding as they studied her and his voice sizzled with the authority he could impose.
Emma looked up at him with her heart in her eyes. "Please, please, don't say it."
A tic worked in his jaw as he smoothed his thumb over her cheek. "It's dangerous out here."
"No, it's not," she quietly denied.
His hand rand down her throat and settled on her breast. "Anything could happen to you." His words were exquisitely threatening to her system.
She studied his chest as arousal pierced her in a hot steady stream as he flicked his thumb back and forth over her nipple and seductive images crept into her mind of what could indeed happen to her if he kept this up.
"Emma."
Her eyes flew to his and hung in a balance as his thumb became more determined to drive her crazy.
His head lowered and his mouth grazed her ear. "I only want you safe."
"I know, I am safe, Luke. Nothing can hurt me on your ranch."