He inhaled deeply. ‘Do you still feel that way?’
‘Yes.’ She wasn’t going to lie to him. ‘Even if it were possible, which it isn’t, I wouldn’t put myself through that again. For me, being pregnant wasn’t about excitement and expectation, it was about fear and terrible loss.’
‘Laurel—’ A muscle flickered in his jaw and she saw the guilt in his eyes but she also knew that guilt was misplaced.
‘This isn’t about what happened between us, Cristiano. Even if you had been here, it wouldn’t have changed the outcome for that pregnancy. At the time you accused me of overreacting and in a way you were right—’ For the first time ever, she realised that it was true. ‘I was devastated and the way I coped with that was to push you away. If I’d just yelled at you there would have come a point where you wanted me to talk about what happened and I just couldn’t. All I wanted to do was hide.’
‘So you left.’
‘I was so wrong to do that.’ The tears spilled from her eyes. ‘I was grieving and heartbroken and I took it out on you. I blamed you for everything. And I just couldn’t tell you how I was feeling.’
‘But now you have—’ His own voice decidedly unsteady, he pulled her hard against him, crushing her against him. ‘And now I understand what you want, there will be no more talk of experts.’
Her face was buried in his neck, her tears mingling with the water from the pool. ‘What about what you want?’
‘I want you.’ His tone was unmistakably possessive and he eased her away from him so that he could look at her. ‘You. Always. I thought I’d made that clear.’
‘If you’d married a different woman you could have had a different life.’
He leaned his forehead against hers. ‘I wouldn’t want any life that didn’t have you in it.’
She felt light inside, and strangely relaxed. It was as if sharing the heaviest of her thoughts had somehow reduced their weight. And his unquestioning acceptance of the way things were gave her courage. ‘There’s something else—something I’ve been thinking about for a while but never mentioned to anyone. I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it.’
‘Try me and let’s find out.’
Laurel hesitated because she truly had no idea how he was going to react to what she was going to say. ‘What I’d really love is for us to adopt a child.’ The words rushed out of her. ‘And not just because there’s no chance of having our own. I want us to give a child a home. Not a baby—everyone wants to adopt babies. I mean an older child. A lost, lonely child who has no idea how it feels to be wanted. I want to do up a bedroom and fill it with toys and books but most of all I want to be a loving family to someone who doesn’t have that and has no hope of that.’
‘Yes, I want that too.’ It was characteristic of his generosity that he didn’t hesitate. ‘Hearing what you went through horrifies me. And we have so much. I would very much like to give a secure home and family to a child in need of one. I’ve been thinking the same thing myself since you told me about your experience. And you would be an amazing mother.’
His positive response moved her more than anything else he’d said to her or done for her.
Her heart opened to him and she slid her arms around him, feeling the hardness of male muscle under her seeking fingers. ‘You’re very special.’
One eyebrow lifted. ‘I thought I was an arrogant, controlling workaholic?’
‘That too.’ But she knew that this needed so much more to make it work than just words and good intentions. ‘Are you sure? I don’t suppose it’s going to be easy.’
He gave a wicked smile and gently lowered his mouth to hers. ‘You know I love a challenge.’
They stayed in the castello, time drifting, until their idyll was fractured by a phone call from Santo.
Cristiano’s heart sank as he listened as his brother outlined the work crisis that couldn’t be solved without his attention.
His gaze flickered to Laurel, still sleeping in the bed, her naked limbs and the curve of her hip creating a visual feast.
The temptation to live out the rest of their days in this paradise was powerful. Here, it was impossible for her to hide from him. Cocooned in their own private world, they’d been protected from reality. He wasn’t fool enough to think that this idyll could continue back in the real world. He had a business to run and so did she. The pressures on him were enormous and no matter how much effort he put into juggling his priorities, there were going to be times when they would be parted.