The Gifts are well earned, When honor’s returned.
“She provides for us, cares for us, teaches us, and in return for Her Gifts, we honor Her,” the One Who Was First continued. “Doni’s Gift of the Knowledge of Life was not given to you so that you might own the children born to your hearth, to claim them as yours.” She looked at several of the young men who had spoken out. “It was given so that we would know that women are not the only ones who are the Blessed of Doni. Men have a purpose that is equal to that of women. They are not here just to provide and to help; men are necessary. Without men there would be no children. Isn’t that enough? Do your children have to be yours? Do you have to own them?”
The young men exchanged sheepish looks, but Zelandoni wasn’t sure if they truly understood. Then a young woman spoke up.
> “What about before? We know our mothers and our grandmothers. I am my mother’s daughter, but what about the men?”
The young woman wasn’t immediately familiar to Zelandoni, but reflexively, the astute mind of the First tried to place her. She was sitting with the Twenty-third Cave, and the designs and patterns on her tunic and necklace indicated she was a member of that Cave, not from another Cave and sitting with friends. Though the outfit she wore indicated a woman and not a girl, she was obviously quite young. Probably just had her First Rites, the donier thought. For one so young to speak out in a large crowd indicated she was either brash and impetuous or brave and accustomed to being with people who spoke their minds, which would indicate leadership. The leader of the Twenty-third Cave was a woman, Dinara. Zelandoni recalled then that Dinara’s eldest daughter was among those having First Rites this year, and Zelandoni noticed that Dinara was smiling at the young woman. Then she remembered the young woman’s name.
“Nothing has changed, Diresa,” the First said. “Children have always been the result of the joining of a man and a woman. Just because we didn’t know before doesn’t mean it hasn’t always been that way. Doni just chose to tell us now. She must have felt we were ready for this knowledge. Do you know who your mother’s mate was when you were born?”
“Yes, everyone knows who her mate is. It’s Joncoran,” Diresa said.
“Then Joncoran is your Fa-ther.” Zelandoni said. She had been waiting for the right opportunity to bring up the word that had been chosen. “Fa-ther is the name that has been given to a man who has children. A man is necessary for a life to begin, but he doesn’t carry the baby inside him, nor does he give birth or nurse, but a man can love the child as much as a mother. He is a far-mother, a fa-ther. It was also chosen to indicate that while women are the Blessed of Doni, men may now think of themselves as the Favored of Doni. It is similar to ‘mother,’ but the fa sound was chosen to make it clear that it is a name for a man, just as ‘fa’lodge’ is the name for the men’s place.”
There was an immediate outburst of noisy talk from the gathering. In the audience, Ayla heard the new term being repeated several times, as though the people were tasting it, getting used to it. Zelandoni waited until the noise settled down.
“You, Diresa, are the daughter of your mother, Dinara, and you are the daughter of your father, Joncoran. Your mother has sons and daughters, and your father also has sons and daughters. Those children may call him ‘father,’ just as they call the woman who gave birth to them ‘mother.’ ”
“What if the man who coupled with my mother and started me was not the man she mated?” asked Jemoral, the young man from the Fifth Cave.
“The man who is mated to your mother, the one who is the man of your hearth, is your father,” Zelandoni said without hesitation.
“But if he didn’t start me, how could he be my father?” Jemoral persisted.
That young man is going to be trouble, the One Who Was First thought. “You don’t know who may have started you, but you know the man who lives with you and your mother. He is the one who is most likely to have ‘fathered’ you. If you don’t know of anyone else for sure, he may as well not exist, and there is no point in naming a relationship that does not exist. Your mother’s mate is the one who promised to provide for you. He’s the one who cared for you, loved you, helped to raise you. It is not the coupling, it is the caring that makes a man your father. If the man to whom your mother was mated had died, and if she mated another man who loved you and cared for you, would you love him less?”
“But which one is the real ‘father’?”
“You may always call the man who provides for you ‘father.’ When you name your ties, as in a formal introduction, your father is the man who was mated to your mother when you were born, the man you call ‘the man of your hearth.’ If the one who provides for you is not the one who was there when you were born, you will refer to him as your ‘second father,’ to distinguish between the two when it is necessary,” Zelandoni explained. She was glad now that she spent a night, when she was unable to sleep, thinking about all the kinship ramifications this new knowledge would cause.
The One Who Was First had another announcement she wanted to make. “This may be a good time to bring up one more matter that needs to be mentioned. The zelandonia felt that the men need to be included in some of the rituals and customs associated with the welcoming of a new baby, to give them a deeper feeling and understanding of their part in the creation of new life. Therefore, from now on, the men will name the male children born to their hearths; the women will, of course, continue to name the female children.”
Her statement was received with mixed feelings. The men looked surprised, but several of them were smiling. She could see by their expressions, however, that some of the women did not want to give up their prerogative of naming the children. No one wanted to make an issue of it just then, and no questions were asked, but she knew this idea was not settled. There would be problems, she was sure.
“What about children who are born to women who are not mated?” asked a very young-looking woman who was nevertheless cuddling a baby in her arms.
Second Cave, Zelandoni thought, looking at her clothing and jewelry. Could that be a child of last summer’s First Rites? “The women who give birth before mating are Blessed, like the women who have new life started within them at the time they are mated. A woman who has been Blessed with a child has demonstrated that she can carry and deliver a healthy baby, and she is often the one who is chosen to be Blessed again. Until she mates, her children are provided for by her family or her Cave, and their ‘father’ is Lumi, the mate of Doni, the Great Earth Mother.”
She smiled at the young woman. “Nothing has really changed, Shaleda.” The name had suddenly come to her. “The Cave always provides for a woman with children who has no mate, whether her mate was lost to the next world or not yet chosen. But most men find a young woman with a baby very desirable. She usually mates quickly since she can bring a child to a man’s hearth immediately, a child who is a favorite of Doni. The man she mates becomes the child’s father, of course,” the large woman explained, and watched the woman who was little more than a girl glancing shyly at a young man from the Third Cave who was staring at her with rapt adoration.
“But what about the man who is really the father?” said the familiar voice of the young man from the Fifth Cave who had been asking so many questions. “Isn’t the man whose essence actually started the baby the father?”
Zelandoni noticed him glancing at the same young woman who was holding the baby. She was looking at the other man. Aah … Now I understand, the Donier thought. Maybe not a First Rites child, but a first infatuation. She was a little surprised at how easily she had fallen into the pattern of thinking about the birth of children being caused by the coupling of a man and a woman. It all seemed to fit into place so logically now.
Ayla had also been aware of the young man from the Fifth Cave, and had noticed the byplay between the young woman and the two men. Does he think he started her baby? Could he be jealous? she wondered. Ayla realized that she was now more aware not only of the concept, but of the intense feelings associated with jealousy. I didn’t know this Gift of Knowledge from the Great Earth Mother would be so complicated. I’m not sure it’s such a wonderful Gift at all, she said to herself.
“If a woman with a child has never been mated, then the man she mates, the one who promises to provide and care for the child, becomes the father of her baby. Of course, if a woman chooses to mate with more than one man, they would share the name ‘father’ equally,” Zelandoni said, trying to show a possible alternative.
“But a woman doesn’t have to mate with anyone she doesn’t want, isn’t that right?” the young woman said.
The First noticed that the Zelandoni of the Fifth Cave was climbing the hill toward the area where his Cave was gathered. “Yes, that has always been true and it hasn’t changed.” She saw that the Donier was sitting beside the young man who had so many questions, and turned to take a question from an entirely different segment of the audience.
“What is my father’s father called?” asked a man from the Eleventh Cave.
Zelandoni breathed a quiet sigh of relief. An easy question. “A mother’s mother is a grandmother, and is usually called grandma. A mother’s father is a grandfather, or grandfa. A father’s mother is a grandmother, too, but to distinguish between them, she will still be called grandam. A father’s father is a grandfather, or grandaf. When you name your ties, your mother’s mother is your close grandmother, or your grandma, and your mother’s father is your close grandfather, or your grandfa, because you are always certain who your mother is.”
“What if you don’t know whose essence started your mother?” the leader of the Fifth Cave asked. “Or if they are walking in the next world, how can you name the tie?”