My mind went to my new uncles and all the secrecy surrounding them. Not like all the men daddy surrounds himself with aren’t secretive rebel types, but these new uncles are very official. SEALs and government officials or whatever uncle Hank is. People that daddy doesn’t usually hang around with or have much use for.
And then there was that weird email I’d gotten from those people. I wish I’d kept a copy, but daddy cleaned my computer after that and there’s no way for me to get it back.
I wanted to call Todd and give him the disappointing news right away, but I’m afraid to. We’ve both waited so long, and now our dream was never going to come true.
When he’d had to move away with his parents I’d been crushed. The only thing that kept me sane was our secret plan to go to the same college so we could be together.
Not like we wanted to do anything, just that we hate being apart. I’d been so excited, more than last time in fact. I thought for sure that at seventeen daddy would have no reason to hold me back here. He’d been this age when he went away to college after all.
And even though he’d said no last year I thought I stood a better chance this time. Now I realize it was all just a dream; that I’ve been living with my head in the clouds and not seeing the truth.
But today I crashed through the clouds and landed hard on reality. The fear comes from wondering what could be so bad that daddy would crush my dreams without even offering me an explanation.
I want to be mad at him, but as usual, that doesn’t last. Because he’s so good at making you forgive him, because he never does anything without a reason.
I know if I get mom and the grandmas on board, that they can probably wear him down. But I have to find out why he said no in the first place, or it could all backfire and then mom and dad would get mad at each other, and daddy would ban the grandmas again and nobody wants that.
I heard a soft tap on my door and turned to see my little sister peeping around the opening. “Caitie are you okay?” I held my arms out to her, needing a hug in the worst way. I need Todd, but even now, when I’m disappointed in daddy, I can’t bring myself to break one of his rules. How well trained he has us all.
She felt warm and safe as she climbed into my lap and I realized as I held her that she might’ve grown in years but she was still tiny. I don’t think she’s grown an inch since she turned five. Short, just like mommy. I’d topped off at five-four, a cross between mommy’s five-two and daddy’s six-three or whatever.
“Don’t be mad at daddy Caitie he has a very good reason for making you cry.” She wiped my face dry of the tears I hadn’t been aware of with her little fingers only making me cry harder.
“Wait, what? You know why he said no?” I didn’t even bother asking how she knew what we’d been talking about; she always tends to know things the rest of us don’t. She nodded her head and bit into her lip the way she does when she’s not sure about something.
“What is it? Why?”
“I can’t tell you right this second. I have to do something first then I’ll tell you okay.” I started to press her but knew that that too would be a lost cause. For one so young she has a stubborn streak a mile wide. Only daddy can get her to talk against her will and even he has to work for it.
“Promise you’ll tell me soon.”
“I will, but don’t be mad okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” She sounded more like thirty than eight and I didn’t question her when she climbed down off my lap and headed for the door. Though I have no idea what her words meant, somehow they gave me hope where there’d been none.
Lyon
“Kat!” She was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner and from the look on her face she already knew. I didn’t see Caitiebear anywhere so she must’ve guessed on her own. That hurt look on her face hurt worse than the one on our daughter’s.
“Come ‘ere.” She walked into my arms and I held her tight, my heart breaking when her shoulders began to shake. “I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing I could say in the moment and hope that it was enough. I was hoping that Jared knew what the hell he was talking about, that my family knew me well enough to know that I wouldn’t hurt them for the world.