'Catherine always wanted to be the best at everything she did—she was ambitious. I admired it, but it went deeper than simple ambition: she needed to be the best. She always enjoyed having her talent publicly recognised; the medals meant a lot to her. Please believe I accepted her wishes, even if I was revolted by the very notion.' His nostrils flared and she could see a pulse throbbing in his temple.
'Of course I believe you.'
'When it came down to it, it was her body not mine.'
He closed his eyes and she saw the muscles in his throat work hard. 'Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut?'
'You weren't a disinterested party, Ethan.'
'When she accused me of using the baby to cement our relationship perhaps she was right, although I denied it at the time. We'd been drifting apart for some time. She hated being pregnant.'
'Lots of women do, Ethan, but it's worth it in the end.'
'It wasn't the easiest pregnancy,' he admitted, 'and Catherine hated to make concessions to her condition. I tried to coax her to do as the doctors said and that caused quite a lot of conflict. I told you when Tom was born she wouldn't touch him,' he said heavily. 'She wouldn't even look at him. She said I'd wanted him, so I could look after him. The doctor's label was post-natal depression, and. it would pass. She didn't live long enough to prove them right or wrong, and I didn't provide the support she needed. But I always knew that the depression was only half the story. There was more to it than that.'
'It must have been terrible—for you both,' Hannah said, tears of compassion glittering in her eyes.
'She said I'd ruined her life—a fairly accurate conclusion given subsequent events.'
'You can't blame yourself for her death, Ethan. It was an accident.'
'She was determined to act as if she'd never been pregnant, not had a baby. That's why she climbed straight back into the saddle; that's why she was racing three weeks after Tom's birth. If I hadn't forbidden her to take that injured rider's mount when Moonlight went lame, she wouldn't have. She knew the brute's reputation; it was too strong for her. She just had to prove to me that I had no control over her life. I can hear her now. "You made me carry him for nine months, Ethan," she said, "but that's the last thing you make me do.'"
'She was confused and in pain, Ethan. People hit out when they're in pain. I did.'
'Promise me you'll never shut me out again, Hannah,' he said imperatively.
'Never,' she agreed instantly.
'Have you really been lusting after me since the very beginning?'
Hannah was delighted to see the wide, rather smug grin chase the last remnants of melancholy from his face.
'Lust had nothing to do with it,' she responded firmly.
'Nothing?' he repeated with a pathetic spaniel expression.
'Well, maybe this much,' she relented, holding her thumb and finger a hair's breadth apart. 'The rest was a pure, elevated emotion.'
'That's a bit of a blow.'
'It's easy for you to joke about it, but unrequited love is no laughing matter,' she observed, as someone who'd done it and had the tee shirt.
'It seems to me we wasted a lot of time.' He pulled her thigh over his and stroked the sensitive hollow behind her knee. 'I think we were meant to be together.'
'Why, you closet romantic, you,' she cried with delight. The faint colour that drew attention to the sharp angle of his cheekbones made her smile.
'I was just examining the facts.'
'Of course you were.'
'Top of my list when I interviewed for the post...'
'Was that the one of nanny or wife?' she enquired innocently.
'Less cheek or I'll...'
'You'll what?' she asked huskily, tracing the outline of her lips with the tip of her tongue. She gave a contented sigh as he swiftly responded to her provocation with a sizzling and very satisfying kiss.
'I'm being deep and profound. Can't you behave for five minutes?'
Hannah turned his wrist and glanced at his watch. 'Right, five minutes it is.'
'I wanted a female past the age of being troubled by romantic entanglements.'
Hannah chuckled. 'I wouldn't repeat this to your mother if I were you.'
'It wasn't my plan,' he acknowledged. 'There were several candidates of a...certain age.'
'You do like treading on thin ice, don't you, my love? I fully intend to be a romantically active granny. So start taking the vitamins now.'
He grinned. 'I passed them over and gave the job to you.'
'Then it must have been fate because it wasn't my startling good looks. I can remember exactly what I was wearing.'
'For some reason the words "grey and shapeless" spring to mind,' he observed slyly.
How unkind! 'Do you mind? That's my best interview suit you're talking about.'
'When I realised you were dating that drippy...'