I all but broke down the door to mom’s house when I arrived. She met me on the landing and tried to stop me. “Where is she?” She put her hand on my chest to hold me back and I’m ashamed to say I almost pushed my own mother to the ground.
“Mom, where is Alexandra?” I’ve never raised my voice to her before and I could see the shock resonated in her eyes. She pointed up the stairs, “She’s in your old room. Poor thing I couldn’t console her.”
I took the stairs two at a time and busted through the door. Even before I was fully inside, I heard her tears. I stopped short at the sight before me. She was curled up on the bed with her face buried in a pillow I hadn’t lain my head on in years.
I went to her and climbed into bed behind her. “Why are you crying like this?” Stupid fucking question Solomon. She didn’t answer me and I didn’t expect her to. “Look at me Alexandra.” I had to turn her over myself. Her face was ravaged by tears, her eyes already swollen and red.
I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. “I’m sorry you had to hear that that way, but I promise you this changes nothing.” She cried even harder, as if my words had fallen on deaf ears. “Let’s go it’s time to go home. We need to talk.”
“I’m not going, I’m staying here.” She stiffened her little body against me and tried to pull away. “The hell you are. You’re not staying here. Your place is with me, come.” I had a lot to say but not here. Alone, where I could reassure her of what she meant to me.
I lifted her from the bed and walked past my mother who was standing in the doorway wringing her hands with worry. “I’ll take care of her mom don’t worry.” She was listless in my arms, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. Each one twisted the dagger in my heart deeper.
16
Solomon
Outside, I climbed into the car with her still held firmly in my arms. I held her all the way home while she sat staring into space with an empty look in her eyes. I shook her to snap her out of it but she wouldn’t even look at me. She was pissed. Pissed, but I think more hurt than anything.
“Don’t do this, baby. I promise, I’ll make it right, just give me some time.” Nothing. My bright cheerful girl was gone and in her place was this shell that had neither voice nor will. I took her straight to my room once we reached the house and instructed the servants to leave once dinner was prepared.
“Is Ms. Alexandra ill? Maybe I should stay and look after her.” Betty, one of the maids that had been with us the longest had always taken an interest in my girl. She was the one more often than not, who’d been here with her if I was running late on the odd evening.
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll see to her myself.” I looked back at her on the bed exactly where I’d left her. Once everyone was gone, I went to her, climbing into bed behind her so I could draw her back into my arms.
“I know you’re mad and hurt; but I promise you I will make this up to you. You have nothing to fear. I will not leave you; not for any reason, please believe me. I told you; you belong to me. I take care of my own always.” I was rambling, looking for the right thing, that one thing that would bring her back.
“The baby belongs to you too. You’ll have a family with her. Where does that leave me?” Her voice had no life but at least she was talking again. “I will take care of the child when it comes, but I won’t lose you to do it. Now please stop crying you’re breaking my heart.”
“How can you say that? I know you remember? You took me in, took care of me. How can you do any less for your own son or daughter?” Her body shook with sobs and I held her tighter, wishing with every second that I had spared her this. But how could I have known this shit was going to hit me out of left field?
I still hadn’t had time to process the news that I was going to be a dad, and until I fixed the hurt to her heart I wasn’t thinking about fuck else. “I don’t have all the answers but this much I know; you and I will never be over. I will never let you go. You can take that to the grave.”
She hiccupped and pulled my arm tighter around her. “I’m scared Solomon, you don’t know Jessica.” I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that but I wasn’t interested in finding out right now. Fuck Jessica.