A part of me insists Mom is making sense and feels terrible for the impulsive way I’ve been behaving lately, but the other part argues that it’s time for me to live my own life and be my own person without my parents weighing in on all my choices. That part insists it’s okay to loosen up and color outside the lines, especially when it comes to the man who makes me feel so special and loved and happy.
I sit in silence, remembering the way Nick leapt into action the second he realized I was having a bad reaction to the latex, his concern for me obvious in every gentle touch and every calming word. I was his top priority, and nothing else mattered. I remember the rage in his voice when he told Seth he’d end him if he said another word about me—ever—and the last shred of doubt fades away.
Nick loves me, and I love him.
So what if I’m a little different since we got together and if half our dates seem cursed to end in disaster? I refuse to feel ashamed of the way I feel about him, of the way my body and heart and soul all long to be closer to him in every way. When Nick and I make love for the first time, it will be special and right, whether we’re engaged or married or just living together without any rings involved.
“I’m growing, Mom,” I finally say, knowing better than to announce my intention to move in with my boyfriend at this exact moment. Mom’s already been through a lot. “Growing older, growing up. I may not always be the girl you knew, but I’ll always be the strong person you raised. And that person can be trusted to make decisions that feel right for her, even if they might not always make sense to you or Dad.”
“I know you’re growing up, honey, and I’m so proud of you,” Mom says, her forehead wrinkling. “But your values have served you so well in the past, and you shouldn’t let a boy change who you are.”
“Nick’s not changing who I am.” I rub at the tops of my eyes where a headache is trying to get started. “I mean, maybe at first I wanted to show him that I wasn’t a stick in the mud, but now I…”
I sigh and let my hand fall back into my lap, forcing myself to hold Mom’s worried gaze. “I like who I am when I’m with him. He makes me feel alive and more excited about the future than I’ve felt in a long time. I’m in love with him, Mom, more than I ever was with Brian or anyone else. I know Nick and I have only been dating a short time, and that may seem strange to you, but it’s true.”
“It doesn’t seem strange,” she says, surprising me. “I knew I was going to marry your father by our third date.” She hesitates, sadness creeping into her eyes. “But I’m not sure Nick feels the same way you do, honey.”
“Why would you say that?” I huff, the sentence honestly making me want to laugh.
That’s how positive I am that Nick loves me as much as I love him.
Candace chooses that moment to bustle back into the room carrying a giant plastic mug of water with an accordion straw sticking out of the top.
“Here’s that water,” she says, setting the mug onto the adjustable tray on one side of my hospital bed. “If you’re hungry, the cafeteria opens in ten minutes, and the breakfast cart should be around in a couple of hours. I’ll be sure they know you’re cleared for a meal.”
“Thank you,” I say, forcing a smile.
I wait until Candace checks my vitals a second time and leaves the room before turning back to my mother.
“Don’t let what happened tonight change your mind about Nick, Mom,” I say. “He really is a great guy.”
Mom crosses her arms as she perches on the corner of my bed. “I don’t think we should talk about this anymore until you’re feeling better.”
“I feel fine, Mom, just tell me. Why would you say that?”
She sighs. “Nick was in here late last night, right after I sent your father home with Lark and Mason. You woke up for a few minutes around midnight but went back to sleep almost immediately. Nick came in a little later and asked if he could stay. I said no, that he’d done enough for one night, and I stepped out into the hall to get the nurse. By the time I came back into the room, he was gone.”
“Well, you told him to go, Mom.” I sit up straighter. “How could you do that when you know how much I care about him?”
“My daughter was lying in a hospital bed because he decided to give her a horrible tattoo,” she says, indignation in her tone.