Each time he had tried to find out about the cause of her panic attacks, he had been thwarted. Neither had she confided in Razer, Penni, or her therapist, who was shitty for a therapist, something else Shade intended to change. The only thing the woman had done was put that fucking rubber band on Lily’s wrist, teaching her to give herself pain as a way to relieve her anxieties. Shade had every intention of teaching Lily the same thing, except in a more enjoyable way.
He sat by the bed, watching Lily sleep as the day slipped into night. When the nurses checked on Lily and tried to get him to leave the room, his cold gaze intimidated them into silence, sending them scurrying.
When the outside had been completely swallowed by night, Shade got up from the chair, going to the door and closing it after the nurse. Determined to find out Lily’s secrets, he only had one option left.
Lily was beginning to wake; he had noticed she had begun to move about beneath the covers. He prayed the drugs would keep her disoriented enough that, when he was finished, she wouldn’t remember what he was about to do.
Shade’s fingers flipped the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. He knew from Razer that Lily always slept with a nightlight. Otherwise, her terrified screams could be heard throughout the house. Maybe those screams would give him the answers he was looking for.
At first, all he heard was her breathing.
“Beth!” Lily began shaking the rail of her hospital bed.
Shade immediately went to her, pressing her down onto the bed. He wasn’t about to let her damage herself. She began crying and whimpering. Then she began screaming.
“Sh…” He had meant to be reassuring; instead, her screams stopped immediately.
“Please don’t hurt me. Please … Please. I’ll do what you want, just don’t hurt me anymore.”
She was disoriented, not understanding why she was in so much pain; therefore, she had connected it to a time in her past when she had experienced the same helplessness.
Shade remained silent as Lily began talking between whimpers.
“Please don’t hurt me anymore, Mama. I’ll do what you want. Please, don’t make me drink it. It makes me sick, and I won’t be able to play with Sawyer and Vida. They promised to let me take a turn playing with Vida’s new doll.”
As Lily began making gagging noises, Shade hastily raised her up, wanting to give her a drink of water, but he was afraid it would become too much for her if she felt something pressed against her lips.
Shade listened as she went back and forth between adult and child. The child described the atrocities she had lived with while the adult was ashamed she was still frightened of her past. She was literally being torn apart by the two.
Her mother had given Lily alcohol to make her more complacent to do what she wanted until Lily must have quit fighting her to keep herself from being drugged. Lily, for all her appearance of virtue, had never known innocence.
“Don’t want to remember. Don’t want to remember … Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep…”
Shade couldn’t bear any more. He gently lifted her, carrying her to sit on the chair where he gently rocked her until she quit crying, the drugs in her system making her drowsy again.
“Are you my daddy?”
Shade stiffened.
“No, I’m not your daddy,” he answered gruffly.
“I’ve always wanted one. Do you have a daddy?”
“Yes.”
“Is he nice?”
“Yeah, he’s nice.”
“I’m glad.” Lily laid her head on his shoulder. “Are you a cowboy?”
“No, I’m not a cowboy.”
“Then who are you?” she asked in a whisper, as if she was afraid to hear the answer.
“I’m nobody; you’re dreaming.”
“You feel real. Besides, this can’t be a dream.” She yawned.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t have good dreams.”
Shade rose with her carefully in his arms, carrying her back to her bed where he laid her down, covering her up. She had already slipped back to sleep.
“You will, Lily. I promise, I’m going to make all your dreams come true, even if you don’t want me to be a part of them.”
Shade waited until her breathing deepened before turning the light on by the doorway. It would reassure her if she woke up again, yet it was not bright enough to wake her.
He sat back down in the chair to wait for her to be more alert. That time, he didn’t mind waiting; he needed the time to think and plan how he was going to insert himself in her life.
It was time to begin his pursuit of Lily.
Chapter 39
“Lily.” Shade stood in the doorway of the factory office, watching Lily stiffen as soon as she saw him. He almost smiled as he watched Lily’s reaction to having to share lunch with him every day.
As she drew closer, Evie came out, giving her a friendly smile. She had brought their lunch.
“How’s it going today?” Evie asked.
“Fine,” Lily replied, smiling back.
“Cool. You two enjoy your lunch.”
“Why don’t you stay and have lunch with Shade today? I’m not very hungry.”
Shade didn’t say anything as he stared down Evie. She knew the answer: no one was to interfere. If they did, he would take it as a direct challenge, and he would respond in kind.
“I’ve already eaten. I’d better get back; I left Rider doing lunch by himself,” Evie said, leaving before Lily could make up another reason for her to stay, not that it would work.
It never did, although she had been very inventive at trying to keep out of his way.
Lily slipped by Shade, who made no effort to move away from the door, forcing her to brush her body against his. She then took a seat on the chair, sitting next to his desk. He had moved the chair there purposely so she could become used to him being in her space, and he could smell the delicate hint of her perfume.
Shade closed the door then took a seat at his desk. Handing her one of the plates with baked chicken and vegetables, he began eating his own food.
As long as he didn’t try to stray from the boss/employee relationship, Lily felt overwhelmed by him but not afraid. When she was forced to eat lunch with him, she didn’t like being near him. For that brief period of each day, she wasn’t able to hide from the fact that he was an attractive male, and that was enough in itself to terrify her.
Seeing the thoughts swirling behind her eyes as she tried to devise yet another way out of their lunches, Shade tried to distract her to calm her nerves.
“How’s your arm doing since the cast came off?”
“Fine. The doctor said it was healed.”
“When does school start back?”
“In a month.”
“How many classes are you taking?”
“Four. They’re pretty simple ones. I already completed the coursework in my major area. The only courses I have left are just to give me enough credits to graduate.”
Shade continued eating his food silently. He almost grinned, relieved her college days were almost over.
Clearing her throat, she played with the food on her plate. “I know you and Razer are friends, and I appreciate the club giving me a job for the summer, but I—you don’t have to eat lunch with me every day, Shade. I can eat outside with the rest of the workers.” She released a deep breath, as if she was proud of herself for getting through the obviously rehearsed speech.
“Don’t you want to eat lunch with me?” Shade questioned, his gaze steady on her. He wanted her to learn to be honest with him about her emotions.
“No. Yes. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep me company because of Razer and Beth being your friends.”
“Do I seem to be the type to do anything I don’t want to?”
“No.”
“Good, then that’s settled.” Let’s see her get out of this one.
Unless she came out and said s
he didn’t want to eat lunch with him, she was stuck, and Lily hated hurting anyone’s feelings. The beautiful woman didn’t understand he didn’t have any feelings to hurt.
After asking about job applications, Shade took a step further and insulted Lily’s lack of taking care of herself and getting into situations that could have gotten her seriously hurt, or even killed. He was setting her up and she was falling right into his trap.
“I can take care of myself just fine,” Lily snapped.
“You could if I taught you how,” Shade said, leaning back in his chair.
“What? How?”
“I could teach you self-defense. That is, unless you change your mind about being a social worker.”
“I’ll make a good social worker. I—”
“Good, that’s settled. Monday, when you come to work, bring some workout clothes. I’ll work with you an hour every day at the end of your shift.”