The air felt, so thick, I couldn’t inhale. The lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger, until it became too hard to swallow. I suffocated in plain sight.
Nobody noticed.
Nobody cared.
Christian Carmichael was still staring at me, and bile rose in my throat, tasting bitter on my tongue.
Did he see me?
Could he see who I was? Or did he… forget?
He did…
He forgot…
He didn’t know… didn’t remember…
Thud. Thud. Thud.
He forgot…
A shuddering breath escaped me, and my body felt too warm and then too cold. I swayed on my feet, and my head pounded, a searing pain in the back of my skull. My eyes twitched, and I took a slow step back.
“Lila.”
It was him. He said my name. Maddox said my name.
I looked away from Christian, and my gaze found Maddox. The horror in his eyes told me everything I needed to know.
The world spun and spun, and I fell off my axis.
Breathe.
Breathe.
FUCKING BREATHE!
I gasped. Maddox took a step forward, reaching out for me. “Lila,” he said my name again, begging me, pleading for me. He looked pained, his expression raw and panicked.
For the first time, I felt nothing for him. For his pain.
I felt… nothing.
It was too late.
My heart had withered and died.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
I still couldn’t breathe.
When Maddox touched my arm, my skin itched like thousands of tiny ants were crawling from underneath my flesh. I wrenched it away from his burning touch. My scars ached harder, not a ghostly echo, like I used to experience. No, the pain was so brutal, my body almost succumbed to it.
I ran.
From Maddox, from Christian Carmichael… from everyone… from myself.
I ran until my lungs gave out, and I stumbled out into the cold air.
I ran until my legs stopped working, and I slid to the ground, my knees digging into the muddy grass.
Breathe…
Breathe…
Breathe…
No… I didn’t want to breathe…
I wanted to go to my parents.
I didn’t want to breathe…
I wanted my mommy to hold me; I wanted my daddy to kiss my forehead and tell me everything was going to be okay.
“Lila.”
He whispered my name.
“Lila.”
His voice cracked.
“Lila.”
He came closer, and my body tensed at his close proximity. Standing on my weak legs, I buried my shaky hands in my gown and turned to face him.
Maddox.
My love.
My protector.
My mistake.
“Your childhood friend is my parents’ murderer,” I said, my voice dead and empty.
Maddox stared at me, his blue eyes sparked with guilt and hopelessness. His shoulders dropped, and he looked like he was about to fall to his knees.
He reached out for me, but I stepped back. “Lila.”
If it was Christian who killed my parents that night, then it was Maddox who smashed my heart to dust.
“You lied to me.”
They say lies always find a way to catch up to you. Lies never stay hidden for too long. Secrets are never truly buried.
Lies and secrets can protect…but they also can destroy…
My secrets obliterated us. My secrets burnt my love for Lila to the ground.
It wrecked us.
I was the only one to blame, and Lila was my victim.
I’d cut off my fucking arms and legs if I could just go back from this very moment and change the ending of this chapter.
But the black ink on the pages were permanent. I could rip off the pages, burn them to ashes, but then… that would change our story, missing pages… an incomplete… and ruined story.
The look of raw pain on Lila’s face decimated me.
I tried to reach for her. There was a fierce need inside of me to comfort her, to take her pain away, even though I was the reason for it. My mouth went dry, and a heavy lump settled inside my throat, when Lila stumbled back, out of my reach.
Away from me.
Like she couldn’t bear my touch.
As if I disgusted her.
The reaction sliced through me with the power of a sword. Too bad I wasn’t wearing any armor. The sharp blade connected with flesh, and I fucking bled.
Lila faced the other direction, without saying a word, and started walking away. I followed after her, a careful distance behind. “Lila, where are you going? It’s so late.”
She didn’t answer.
She kept walking, walking… walking away from me. Far and out of my reach.
I quickened my steps and followed. I finally noticed the direction she took and realized she was walking back home. Shit!
“Let me drive you home, please. It’s too late for us to be walking home, and we’re too far away.” She didn’t speak. Didn’t berate me. Didn’t acknowledge me.
In fact, I thought she was barely even breathing.
Lost in her own world, in her head… drifting away from reality. My fingers circled around her bicep, and I tugged her back toward me. Lila wrenched away with a hiss. “Don’t.”
One single word. Said with so much venom and torment.
My heart hammered, a vicious beat in my rib cage. My chest echoed with a familiar ache.