He doesn't resist. And there's my untouchable CEO fiancé, sitting cross-legged on the floor in a three-thousand-dollar suit. Anyone else would look silly. Somehow, Blake still looks in control.
I meet his gaze. "Maybe happy memories can replace the old ones."
He brushes my hair behind my ear. It’s soft. Sweet.
He wants this too. It's only a matter of helping him realize it.
"I love you," I whisper. "Let me help you."
"It can't be helped."
It can't be helped. Not I can't be helped. So he's not totally hopeless.
I press my fingertips against his. The intimacy of it sends a shiver down my spine. I drink in the high of skin on skin, safe and overwhelming all at once.
I intertwine my fingers with his and stare back at him. "No."
He stares back, totally unreadable. "Not many people tell me no."
"In a few months, I'm going to be your wife. And I'm not going to give up on spending the holidays with you without a fight." I press my free hand against his thigh and use it as leverage to shift onto his lap. "We'll make a deal."
Everything in his demeanor changes. Any hint of pain fades away. It's replaced by a perfect poker face. His posture straightens. His eyes turn to steel. "What are your terms?"
Crap. He’s an intimidating negotiator. I swallow hard. I wrap my legs around him, pressing my crotch against his. It's a cheap move, sure, but this is too important for sportsmanship. "This year, we try Christmas my way. If you hate it, we never have to celebrate again."
He doesn't flinch. "That could be sixty years. Seventy even."
"That's how much it means to me." I pull my sweater over my head and toss it on the ground. Another cheap trick, but I don’t care. I try out my best Blake Sterling look of intimidation. "And how confident I am."
I slide my free hand around his neck. He's warm, even with his expression as cold as the air outside.
I run my fingers through his hair. "Do you trust me?"
"Trust won't solve this."
"But you do."
He nods. "With my life."
"What if…" I bite my lip, suddenly shy at my unconventional addendum. I channel his negotiation skills. Time to close this deal. "If it gets to be too much, you can get back in control with me."
He runs his fingertip along my chin, tilting me so we're eye to eye. I hold his gaze. He's not hurt and closed off anymore. He's intrigued.
"I'll be yours, completely yours, and you can do whatever you want with me," I say. "Wherever we are."
He presses his lips into my neck. It's enough to send heat between my legs. His teeth brush against my skin. Soft, then hard, then so hard I yelp.
Oh God, how I want that mouth on me, how I want him to peel off these thick winter clothes.
"You are mine, Kat." He bites me harder. His hands go to the waist of my jeans. His fingers toy with the button. "Wherever I want, however I want, whenever I want." He looks into my eyes. "Don't pretend that isn't what you need."
My cheeks flush. "It is."
"You need me in control."
I nod.
"You need to submit to all of my demands."
He unbuttons my jeans. His hand goes to my ass. He pushes me up so he can tug my jeans to my thighs.
Blake runs his hands over the sides of my cotton panties. His touch is electric. It's been nearly a week since we've had sex. Longer since he's had me tied up and merciless. I’ve done nothing but study for the last two weeks.
My sex clenches. He's right. I love it when he's in control. And I need it now.
His hands stay on my hips. "What is it you're offering?"
Then his hands are on my ass. He brings my body toward his, so my sex is only inches from his lips. The panties are in the way, but they're no match for Blake's determination.
"You can use me," I say. "If that's what you need to feel better. If that's the only way you can get through how much it hurts."
His exhale is warm against my skin.
"Please." I take a deep breath, cultivating all my bravery. "I want to help you through this even if it's on my knees."
"I'm not going to use you." He drags his fingertips over the waistband of my panties. His voice gets rough. "Have I ever?"
"No. But…" I lean into his touch. "You can have a blank check. Whatever you want."
His fingers trail over the panties, lower and lower, until they're pressing the cotton fabric against my clit.
"Not until we agree on this."
My body is not on the same page. It's surging with pleasure, begging me to collapse in Blake's arms so he can throw me on the couch.
"If it's too much, we can stop, cease all holiday festivities, and take you someplace where we can be alone. Where you can be in control." I stare at him, certain I'm going to melt under the weight of his gaze.
He says nothing.
"What do you think?" I ask. "Are you willing to try?"
I hold my breath waiting for his answer.
Chapter 2
Blake holds my gaze. "I already have you."
“But…”
“I’ll try, Kat.” He pushes up my tank top and presses his lips against my stomach. "But only because it matters to you." He kisses me just beneath my belly button. "Take off your top."
I hesitate.
His voice gets gruff and commanding. "Now."
Frustration breaks through his facade. He needs to be back in control. He needs to be the one place where the world makes sense.
I need it too.
I pull my shirt over my head and drop it on top of my sweater. His eyes fill with desire. I need that. I need all of it.
I go to unhook my bra but he grabs my wrist but pulls my hand back to my lap.
"Wait until I tell you,” he commands. He looks me over, slowly, relishing every moment. "Now take off your bra."
I do it slowly, one arm at a time.
He runs his hands over my sides and up my shoulders. Then they're cupping my breast. Not teasing or toying. Not yet.
"How do you want me to touch you, sweetheart? Explain it to me." His voice is utterly in control as he runs his thumbs over my nipples.
A pang of lust goes straight to my core. How? Doesn't matter. As long as he's touching me. As long as he's making me his. "However you want. Whatever you need."
"What do you need, Kat?"
He pinches my nipples. His mouth goes to my neck. Without warning, he sinks his teeth into my skin.
Mmm. I gasp, digging my hand into the fabric of his suit.
"This is what you need, isn't it?" He pinches me until I pant. "You need me in control."
He bites me again. He drags his fingers over my stomach. No teasing, he slips a finger inside my panties and into my sex. I'm wet and ready for whatever he wants.
"Yes," I breathe. "Please."
"Explain it to me."
"Yes. I need you in control. I need to be at your mercy. Please.”
He pushes my panties to my thighs. His voice gets soft. Sweet. "Come here."
It’s a second, then he’s back to the hard exterior. Blake in control. Blake the Dom. He hates when I call him that.
But I like it.
Love it even.
Fuck, I really do love him in control.
He pulls me closer, so my chest is in line with his head. His hands slide up my sides. He grabs my breast and brings it to his mouth. He eases me into it, sucking soft, then hard, then so hard I groan.
He bites my nipple. It sends a rush of pain to my fingertips. The next bite is harder. It hurts more, but that feels good. My sex clenches. I almost forget my purpose here.
I need to make him feel better.
But this is him feeling better.
There isn’t a hint of frustration on his face.
Just the lust for control that makes my sex clench.
He moves to my other breast, toys mercilessly.
He doesn't stop until I'm panting. "Hands on my shoulders."
I do as I'm asked. It brings my body above his. He looks up at me as he tugs my jeans all the way to my knees. Then it's the panties. His fingers slide up my thighs. So, so close to where they need to be.
My gaze goes to the blinding white sky. It's not just bleak. It's beautiful.