What had gone wrong to cause his nightmares? Because she knew as sure as she knew that Mickey was four that he’d had others. While he’d been distressed when she’d woken him, he hadn’t been shocked. Once he’d come out of it he’d known what to do to get back to reality quickly.
If only there was a way she could help... But even if there was, Logan wouldn’t let her near. He stood tall and proud, and just acknowledging that she’d witnessed him in that distressed state must be annoying the hell out of him.
* * *
Logan shook his head. Motueka wasn’t the sleepy hollow he’d expected. He still couldn’t get his head around Steve just knocking on the door, though it made sense in a roundabout way, with the only alternative being a long drive to the Nelson Emergency Department.
Steve had told him Karina had delivered their last baby after his wife’s waters had broken while they were at the park. Karina had been there. The baby had been in a hurry and she’d stepped up.
‘She’s one in a million, Doc. Don’t you go messing with her or talking her into leaving.’
He’d told Steve, ‘I’m not taking Karina anywhere.’
Karina would never consider leaving Motueka. She didn’t even want to shift to another house, warmer and easier to look after. In her mind Mickey belonged here.
What was it like, knowing where you’d be in twelve months’ time? In twenty-four? What was it like waking up in the same house, with the same person, day in, day out, month after month? To feel safe all the time? He guessed he’d never know. Not while there were so many people who needed him back in Africa.
In the kitchen, Karina had switched the kettle on. ‘Tea and toast, I reckon. It’s not worth going back to bed now. Mr Grumpy will be over soon.’
A wave of guilt rolled through Logan. He’d been one reason she’d lost sleep. A motel for the rest of his stay would be best, but he couldn’t find any enthusiasm for the idea.
‘It’s barely gone six. What’s Jonty doing out and about at this hour?’
‘He used to be an apple orchardist, and they’re always up before the sparrows, especially in spraying season, when they need to be ahead of the wind. Old habits haven’t gone away just because he’s now living in town.’
She tugged the fridge open, peered inside.
‘I guess...’
He still woke before four every morning himself, as he had in Africa. Back in New Zealand, in the deep of winter, he still couldn’t get past that hour. If he went to sleep at all. Knowing no one would attack him in the middle of the night didn’t mean he sometimes didn’t lie awake, waiting for it to happen.
‘I know it’s early, but do you feel like poached eggs on toast? I’ve got the munchies.’ Karina raised an eyebrow in his direction.
‘I’m starving.’
Another habit he hadn’t ditched: eating whenever he could because he didn’t know when his next meal might turn up. The shrink he’d seen a few times after being released had told him that would eventually change back to normal, once his brain accepted that all the food he could possibly need was available any time he wanted it.
‘Where do you put it all?’ Karina asked, her eyes skating across his body.
Of course she’d seen him half naked and knew how thin he was under the loose sweatshirt.
He forced a grin. ‘I got lucky when metabolisms were being handed out. Mine’s fast and furious.’
‘Sure.’
So she didn’t believe him? Sorry, that’s the best you’re going to get, lady. But he’d give her a half-truth. ‘Working in some of the places I do, you soon learn to grab whatever’s on offer because there can be many hours between meals if it’s chaotic—which it usually is.’
‘Why Africa?’ She collected eggs and bread, got out a pan and filled it with hot water and added a splash of vinegar. ‘It’s a long way from home.’
‘I went to England first.’ Why had he said that? ‘My mum’s English.’ Motor-mouth. Stop. She’d met Mum, so would know that. ‘I have a British passport and I decided to do some post-grad work in London.’ Oh, hell.
‘I didn’t know that.’
Why would she? ‘Don’t tell me you and James never had any heart-to-hearts about his wayward brother?’
Her cheeks reddened, making her prettier than ever. ‘He talked about you sometimes; usually after too many whiskies.’
‘Ouch.’ Logan sucked in air through gritted teeth.
Karina laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘Don’t take that as a poke for not being around. James knew you were doing what you loved.’
She looked so earnest, so concerned for him. Not to mention downright cute, all wrapped up in her thick robe and with those fluffy slippers that looked like stuffed possums on her feet. He felt his body tilting towards her, as if he were being drawn into a vortex. A vortex he had no idea how he’d get out of if he fell over the edge.
He pulled back a step. Then another. And soon there was enough distance between them for him to stop being so distracted.
She’d turned away to drop bread in the toaster. He watched her hungrily. Every movement, every breath. She was beautiful. Not so much in the traditional physical sense of the word, but in her heart. In the way she helped others, always giving, sharing, trying to allay anxieties. She’d smoothed away his guilt over James, for now at least. She was very dangerous to his equilibrium.
Another step back. ‘Thank you for telling me that.’
‘How many eggs?’
‘Two.’ He opened a cupboard and found the biggest array of tea he’d ever seen. ‘Which flavour do you want?’
‘Plain old gumboot variety, first thing.’
Her lips lifted into a soft smile. And turned his stomach into a riot. Get over yourself. The woman only smiled, like she does with everyone.
‘Gumboot tea.’ He dredged up a chuckle. ‘My grandma used to call it that.’
‘So did mine. She made pots of tea so stewed you could stand a spoon in it.’ She shuddered.
‘What time does Mickey get up?’
‘After seven. Fingers crossed.’
‘It’s all go from then on?’
‘He’s got more energy than I know what to do with. Thank goodness.’
‘You worry about his health?’
He placed two mugs at the breakfast bar and went to the drawer to get the cutlery out. Why wouldn’t she worry? She’d recently lost her best friend. She understood the precariousness of life. Was that the real reason why she didn’t want to move? Had she hidden herself away here?
‘Too much, probably. Down syndrome brings its own set of problems.’ She winced. ‘He’s been lucky so far. I’m probably looking for trouble we don’t need.’
Seemed that was second nature to her. ‘I know he had to have heart surgery for Persistent Ductus Arteriosus soon after he was born. While James sat at Mickey’s bedside he often emailed me about his terror that his boy wouldn’t survive the after-effects of the operation.’ He’d felt close to James then, wishing he could help in some way.
‘Poor little mite. It must’ve been hideous. Thankfully there’ve been no lasting problems.’
‘You could consider he’s had his share of complications pertinent to the condition and now he’s got a straight run ahead of him?’
Karina’s eyes met his. ‘You reckon? Not very medically technical, that approach.’
‘No, and nor is worrying about what he might get.’
She smiled. ‘Thank you. Glad to have you on my side. Now, enjoy your breakfast.’
‘Kar—ina.’ An ear-shattering yell came from down the hall. ‘I’m up!’
Her eye roll was over-the-top and funny.
‘So much for seven o’clock.’ She pushed her breakfast aside and stood.
Logan leapt up and pressed a han
d on her shoulder, pushed downwards until she sat. ‘Let me get him. You eat your eggs.’
The surprise on her face was worth the million questions rolling through his tired brain about what to do with Mickey.
‘Just give me a few pointers. Do I get him dressed for the day or are dressing gown and slippers all right for now?’
She shook her head as she smiled. ‘Mickey will let you know.’
CHAPTER FIVE
ON HER WAY back to work after lunch two days later, Karina diverted to the driveway to take a nosy at the hole Logan had managed to make many times bigger than the mere nuisance it had previously been.
‘What was wrong with filling it with some of that gravel piled out the back?’
‘Don’t interfere with a man’s work,’ Jonty growled as he struggled to shovel dirt into a barrow.