‘Makes sense.’ Grady still watched her with that deep intensity of his.
What did he see? Did her changed persona from wildcat to tame mother-to-be make him glad he’d left her when he had? He’d always enjoyed the fact that she’d had no restraints when it had come to having fun. No way would she put the Cessna into a spin nowadays just for the sheer thrill of twirling round and round as the plane plummeted towards earth.
Grady broke through her reverie. ‘Your parents have always been close, even though it seems Ian’s spent half their married life flying round the world.’
‘Mum reckons that’s what made their relationship so special and strong. They haven’t had time to learn to take each other for granted.’ She picked at the edge of a fingernail. The lime-coloured polish that had matched her wedding outfit looked distinctly jaded. ‘I remember them once sharing a single bed when we stayed at my aunt and uncle’s. Mum’s sister made some smart comment and Mum told her she’d only had half the marriage time Elsie had had and catch-up was always good.’
Grady grinned. ‘How old were you when you heard that?’
She chuckled. ‘Twelve. The yuk factor was high, believe me. Of course, I wasn’t meant to overhear the conversation going on between the sisters.’
She’d learned more than had been good for her at the time. But now? Now she almost envied her parents. Would she ever have the caring, loving, understanding relationship with a man that Mum had?
Her eyes seemed to take on a life of their own, lifting and fixing on Grady, studying him thoroughly for the first time since last night. Until now she’d been too busy pretending he wasn’t there to really look for who he’d become.
That slightly long hair was as luxuriant as ever, and not a grey strand in sight. But there were lines on his face that hadn’t been there at eighteen. Caused by his father’s death? Or working to support his mother and sisters? Dumping her? No, not that. He’d known exactly what he’d been doing that day. His words had been clear, leaving no doubt about his intentions. Blink. Shift focus. Those lips still formed heart-melting smiles. Did they still tease with kisses? Kisses on that sensitive spot behind the ear? Between the breasts? Kisses that devoured her mouth?
‘Sash?’
She shot upright, the chair toppling backwards to crash on the tiled floor behind her. What had she been thinking? The problem was she hadn’t been thinking. No, Grady was the problem. He’d crept out of his box again. Why couldn’t he stay put? Why did he want to upset everything? Throw her off beam? She had begun to get her life back on track. She didn’t need this.
So why had she agreed to have a meal with him? Why put herself on the line by walking inside this house, where she’d known nothing but fun and love? Why, why, why?
‘Time I went home,’ she muttered, and searched around for her keys. Found them in her pocket. Snatched up her jacket and turned for the door.
‘Sasha.’ Grady caught her arm and turned her gently to face him.
Oh, that gentleness could wipe away a lot of grief—if she let it. It crept in under her skin, under her guard, made her feel again. Feel the love she missed, feel the emptiness waiting to be filled by someone special. Yeah, and set herself up to be left high and dry all over again. No way, sunshine.
She jerked her arm free. ‘Thanks for dinner.’ She ignored the dismay and hurt in those blue eyes watching her too closely. ‘And good luck with all your plans for getting the house ready for the market.’
Not that they’d got around to talking about that. Too busy going over the painful stuff. The front door banged shut behind her, cutting off the light as she stomped down the two steps on her way to the car.
Light flooded the yard. Grady strode out to join her, opening and holding her door while she clambered in. She snapped the ignition to ‘on’ before looking up into that familiar yet changed face she’d been denying for so long. She locked gazes with Grady, and waited. For what, she had no idea.
For a long moment he didn’t move then he leaned forward and she figured he was about to kiss her. Her muscles tensed in anticipation, her hormones did the happy-clappy. Her brain tossed a coin—was this good or bad? When his lips brushed hers she knew it was good. More than good. A girl could get lost in that soft kiss, and when he deepened it, she didn’t have a clue about anything but the man kissing her. It was like honey on ice cream, sweet and cool. Delicious. Then his tongue sought hers and cool went to scorching in an instant. So Grady. So them.
Until Flipper got in on the act, delivering a heavy kick to her side. Sasha gasped, rubbed her side.
Grady reared back. He muttered something that sounded like an oath, still staring at her, swallowing hard more than once. Finally he seemed to calm down but kept his distance. ‘Where is the baby’s father?’ He asked so calmly and quietly she wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly. But when he added, ‘Who is he?’ she knew she had.
‘He doesn’t exist.’
‘What?’ Grady gaped at her.
‘He who doesn’t deserve to be acknowledged no longer exists as far as I’m concerned.’ Except as greaseball in her head. She looked away. ‘He wants no part of my baby’s life.’ Too much information.
Now he stepped closer, reaching for the ignition to turn it off. Then he peeled her fingers away from the steering-wheel and wrapped her hand in both his. ‘The bastard.’
How could two words hold so much anger plus hurt for her, as well as concern and affection?
Lifting her head, she met his gaze. ‘The bastard,’ she repeated softly. ‘He dumped me when the going got tough. Said it had been fun and he’d loved being with me but he didn’t love me enough to stay around.’
Grady’s hands squeezed tight around hers, loosened. His chest rose sharply. ‘Just as I did.’
She said nothing. What was there to say?
‘Is that what you think, Sash?’
Gulp. She tugged her hand free, leaned further away from the open door. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’ Shut up, girl. Don’t say another thing. Don’t show your feelings to this man who stomped on them once already. Don’t let him know how worthless he’d made you feel. He used to tell you how strong you were. He wasn’t about to find out how untrue that had turned out to be.
‘What if he’s like me, Sasha?’
Her lips pressed tight, holding back words that had been stewing for years: words she needed to get past. Her hand shook as she reached again for the ignition.
‘What if he’s lying? What if he does want you and comes back one day?’
Her hand banged down on her knee. Her chin shot out and she fixed him with a glare. Anger, pain, despair all combined to roll up her throat and spill out between them. ‘He’s worse. He’s dumped his baby daughter. He doesn’t want to be a part of her life.’ She reached out to grab the front of his shirt and shake him. ?
?That makes me the worst mother possible because my girl won’t ever know her father. I didn’t plan on getting pregnant but I still thought I was with a man who cared for me, who would care for his child.’ She wouldn’t have had a relationship with him otherwise. ‘I made a bad choice.’
She refused to think about the implications of Grady’s revelation. That he might want to come back for her. It wasn’t possible. And even if he did it wasn’t going to happen. She was done with risking her heart.
Grady placed his hands on her shoulders. ‘We all make mistakes, Sasha. But please stop thinking your baby’s mother is bad. You are so special. She’ll never want for love or kindness. You have those in bucketloads. You love her so much already it’s amazing to see. When you touch your tummy your eyes go all misty with it.’ His Adam’s apple bobbed. ‘She’s a very lucky little girl.’
Talk about knocking her for six. Never would she have imagined Grady saying something so heartwarming, so caring. ‘Thank you’ was the best she could manage around the tears clogging her throat. She reached up to place her hand on his cheek. ‘I needed to hear that.’
His eyes locked with hers. So much emotion streamed out at her. Too many emotions to read. ‘If you did then I’m glad I told you.’
Her stomach hurt from clenching. Her head throbbed from holding in the tears. Her heart ached—because in a different world, at a different time, Grady would’ve been the perfect man for her.
She turned away. ‘I’d better go home and get some shut-eye. I seem to need more of that these days.’
As he began closing her door he whispered, ‘Goodnight, Sasha. Sleep tight.’
CHAPTER SIX
‘SLEEP TIGHT. LIKE HOW?’ Sasha asked into the dark for the umpteenth time as she slapped her pillow into shape. Dropping her head back down, the air whooshed out of her lungs. ‘Any sleep at all would be good.’
Flipper gave her a wee nudge.
‘You need to sleep, too, sweetheart. Swimming’s over for the day.’ Sasha ran her hands over her stomach, revelling in the tightness of her skin and the life under her palms. This pregnancy might’ve been unplanned but it had turned out to be the most exciting and life-changing thing to happen.