‘Okay, thanks.’ That was better. Whacked didn’t describe how she felt. Behind the eyes there was a battle going on between falling asleep and telling Cole what she thought about his comment. ‘It was quite a night.’ Generational thing, like hell. He really didn’t get what her mother had given up for her family. And if his mother had done the same, no wonder he’d thought it was normal. She hadn’t done anything different to show she wasn’t sitting around not getting on with her dreams either. ‘So, back to full-time medicine, huh?’
A full mug appeared before her. ‘Like I said, I’d like to go into general practice, leave the emergency scene behind. I’ve seen enough to know I’d prefer being in a position where I get to know my patients a little.’ Cole began wiping down the barbecue. ‘To have the whole picture, understand what drives them, how they live, where they work. Know the whole family. That sort of thing.’
‘The complete opposite from working in ED then.’ Her agency would hire out temps to his practice. Her mouth tipped into a small smile. This could work. She yawned. It was unbelievable how tired she felt. Another yawn. The tea warmed her even though she wasn’t cold. Or was that Cole’s presence? ‘I’ve got some ideas for my career I’m working on that’s different to what I’ve been doing, too.’
‘Not retraining as a midwife? I didn’t think you wanted to do that.’
‘No. I’m looking at setting up my own nursing agency.’ She held her breath, waiting for the quiz.
‘You’d be good at that, organising people to do jobs, keeping staff busy and happy, getting them on board in the first place.’ Cole nodded as he lowered the hood of the barbecue.
Knock me down.
‘You were supposed be shocked and tell me I’m nuts.’ Instead she was the one shocked.
He smiled. ‘I figured.’ Then he came over to drop into the seat opposite her.
‘I’ve always thought about one day having my own agency, but I put it on hold when we married. Then one week last year when we were so busy at the emergency department, everyone doing extra shifts because there was a staff shortage due to a viral outbreak in the city, I started thinking about it again.’
‘Don’t the agencies already out there provide enough nurses?’
‘It’ll be a challenge, but it’s one I want to do. I feel this is something I would be good at.’ She stared at Cole. ‘It’s not a pipe dream. I’ve been looking into all the aspects a business like that requires. I can do it.’
‘I believe you can, too.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
He still hadn’t asked why she hadn’t mentioned it before. Were they more alike than she’d realised? Vicki gasped. Yes, they were. Here she’d been getting upset because he hadn’t told her about the accident and yet she’d kept the agency idea to herself after that one time years ago.
That was slightly different.
She hadn’t started it up yet. The plans were coming together but she hadn’t put anything in place to shackle him with. If she’d been open, would he have been more so about his accident? And other things? Something else she’d probably never have an answer to. ‘You don’t remember me mentioning it years ago?’
Looking baffled, Cole shook his head. ‘No, I don’t.’
Just as she’d thought. ‘Maybe I should’ve reminded you.’
‘Let’s not argue over this. The important thing is I now know and can support you.’
Gulp. It was that simple? Go with it. ‘Thanks, da—Cole.’ She nearly said darling. Actually, now that she’d got the agency thing out in the open, maybe she should’ve. He wasn’t running for the hills, or telling her it was all impossible because it wouldn’t fit in with his plans. Things were looking up.
CHAPTER NINE
VICKI HAD BEEN thinking about setting up her own agency? For that long? Cole shook his head to clear the surprise. He hadn’t had a clue that she might want to do something different, especially starting her own business. She loved nursing, always said it kept her grounded in reality with the wonderful and awful cases she’d worked. ‘What about nursing? If you’re running an agency there won’t be time for any of that.’
‘At first I’ll still be working. I’ll need the money, and I won’t be as busy as you’re suggesting. It’s going to take time to establish my name and get medical centres to call me instead of their usual source of temporary nurses.’
She wasn’t acting overly confident, but seemed to have worked out some of the pitfalls at least. A good sign. ‘Don’t worry about start-up money. We’ll sort that between us.’ Why hadn’t she mentioned it way back before they’d begun falling apart?
Embarrassment crept across Vicki’s face. ‘It wasn’t a hint for you to help me out.’
‘Didn’t cross my mind you’d stoop to that. It’s a genuine offer.’ He wasn’t asking if she wanted him on board with this, or with their marriage. He would continue to believe in them and act accordingly unless she put the brakes on. Then he’d fight tooth and nail for what they’d once had.
‘Thanks.’ The embarrassment deepened, her cheeks reddening.
‘Vicki, we can make this work. I mean everything.’
She nodded. ‘We were once strong together. Seems we’ve got a little lost this past year, but hopefully nothing we can’t fix with a little patience.’ She was drawing circles on the tabletop with her forefinger, getting faster all the time. ‘I’m not going to change my mind about this agency, Cole. I want to achieve something for myself, something to be proud of.’
‘Then you will. There’s nothing stopping you.’
Especially not me.
Where did she want to set this up? Here in Cairns with her family nearby, or back in Sydney where they owned an apartment and their closest friends resided? Where they’d established their life after marrying? Except he hadn’t been there often enough. What about the job he was close to obtaining? Nothing seemed straightforward.
Surprise replaced her embarrassment. ‘You think?’
Ouch. ‘Don’t you know I believe in you?’
‘I think it’s more that I don’t believe in myself as much as I need to.’
‘Where does that come from? You’re always confident. Look how you’ve managed in Sydney while I’ve been away. That took guts and strength.’
Her head came up instantly, and the eyes that locked on him were glittery. ‘It did, and it wasn’t enough.’
They were back at the beginning. At why they’d got themselves into this mess. Reaching for her hands, he gripped
tight. ‘You became lonely. I get that, though you did a good job of hiding it from me in the early years.’
She nodded. ‘At first it was fine. I managed, I was supporting you, and I had friends to spend time with. Then the wheels started coming off, and I couldn’t seem to stop the bus.’
‘Nice way with words.’ He smiled, though his heart was stuttering. He wanted to believe they were moving forward together, but he couldn’t help the sense of not quite understanding everything she was telling him. For every step forward there was at least another one backwards. ‘Where’s the bus now?’
She pulled her hands free and leaned back. ‘It’s beginning to turn around.’ Then her face collapsed, tearing him in two. ‘Oh, Cole. What have we done?’
‘Nothing that can’t be fixed, sweetheart.’
‘I hope you’re right.’
That was the first hint she might want the same as he did. He wouldn’t let the hope get out of control. ‘I’m damned sure of it.’ Lifting her hands again, he kissed her white knuckles. ‘Promise.’
At last a smile crept over her mouth. ‘I’ll second that.’ She slumped in her chair, as though all the energy had evaporated out of her. Not that she’d been hyperactive since they’d returned from helping Karen and her family.
A phone rang. ‘That’s mine,’ Cole said, and dug it out of his pocket, in need of a break while he digested everything Vicki had hit him with. ‘Hey, Nathan, how’s things down there?’
Vicki sank further into her chair, her eyelids drooping. As though now she’d let out about the agency she could relax. ‘Say hi to Molly for me.’
‘More like, how’s things up in Cairns?’ Nathan asked. ‘Apart from wet?’
‘Busy.’
Not in the way I’d expected.
‘Vicki and I were called out to an old guy who’d taken a tumble off his ladder late yesterday, then we spent all night working with a family trapped in their house.’ He went on to explain what had happened, and watched Vicki’s eyes slowly closing and her chin dropping onto her sternum. She was shattered. It wasn’t like her at all.