‘So you were aware of what was happening all the way through?’
‘Until I hit the road. I didn’t see the vehicle as it ran onto me. It hurt. A lot. Mostly later.’
Vicki was blinking hard and fast. ‘Thank goodness for small mercies. That’d be a picture most likely to stay with you for ever.’
His throat thickened. ‘I remember being relieved when I came round and saw the medics beside me. It meant I was alive.’
‘Now I understand your reaction when I braked too hard.’
‘Instinctive, I suppose.’
‘It seems weird that after all the time you served on active duty overseas you got injured in a traffic accident.’ Those eyes were still blinking. ‘Though you wouldn’t have been there if not for the army, so I suppose it does make sense.’
Don’t cry on me. Or for me. I don’t deserve your tears.
His throat was closing. ‘Them’s the breaks.’
As she ate, she seemed to withdraw. Then, ‘So where do you stand with the army now?’
‘I’m on paid medical leave for another month while receiving ongoing treatment, then I’m taking early discharge due to my injuries. There was another contract on the table but I never intended to continue as a career soldier. I wanted to come home. I’m a doctor and would like a full-time career as a general practitioner. A real job.’
‘The army wasn’t real?’ Vicki snapped.
He huffed a low sigh. ‘One where I’m fixing people, not driving around in armoured vehicles looking for trouble, and then picking up the pieces when we find it.’ Serving his country was one thing, but soldiering had never been him. Sure, he’d been a good officer, had looked out for his men, but he’d done what he’d set out to do and kept his promise. Now he wanted to get back to his real passion—medicine. And Vicki.
‘Don’t regret what you did or it becomes worthless.’ There was an accusation in Vicki’s voice that stabbed hard, like a sharp knife under the ribs.
‘I do have regrets, and they’re all about you, me, us. But I can’t change a thing. All I can do is go forward.’
‘You want a hot drink?’ When he nodded she got up to put the kettle on. ‘That’s true for both of us.’
What was she saying? That she didn’t want to go back to being with him? Or, if she did, it was going to be different this time? Or that she had things to tell him he wasn’t expecting that might blow his socks off? Here he’d been tentatively thinking the evening was progressing in a good way, and now the doubts were back. The edginess in Vicki’s stance, in his thoughts, was tightening with every moment. ‘Vicki?’
Sliding her hands into the pockets of her shorts she stared at the spot between her bare feet. ‘I would’ve come to you, you know?’
‘Yeah, I do.’ Hadn’t they dealt with this earlier? ‘Whereas I couldn’t fly over to you. I would’ve if it had been at all possible.’
The kettle switched off but Vicki didn’t move. ‘Which is one reason why you didn’t believe you could ask me to join you. Not only the spinal injury. Do you know how that makes me feel, Cole?’
‘Hurt.’
‘Try angry. Try let down. Try disappointed. And hurt, sure. You were injured the same day I had the miscarriage. I would’ve joined you. No question.’ She hesitated, drew a breath. ‘It feels as though you were paying me back for something I have no idea about.’
It was his turn to be hurt. ‘You’re wrong,’ he growled. ‘I believed I was doing the right thing.’
Those sad blue eyes locked on him. ‘By me? Or by yourself?’
‘You said you’d had enough, our marriage was over. Would you have thanked me for guilting you back into it?’
Her eyes widened. ‘Guilt wouldn’t have had anything to do with it. Instead we could’ve talked face to face, fixed the problems pulling us apart, not made them worse.’
‘Isn’t that why I’m here now?’ The divorce couldn’t happen, not until they’d covered everything lying between them.
‘It’s too late.’
His heart plummeted to his toes. ‘Why?’
‘You’ve never really heard anything I’ve said about what I might want. Even now you can’t accept I would’ve rushed to you, for you and us.’
He was not going to be forgiven in a hurry. If at all. His gut crunched hard. This wasn’t going well. Not that he’d expected to be wrapped in another hug and kissed wildly, but just a little understanding would go a long way right now. He’d have sworn Vicki never held grudges. Seemed he’d got that wrong too. Or had she learnt to because of him? He could do with some levity before he sank too low. ‘Can I ask you something?’ Since when did he have to check before saying whatever was on his mind?
‘That depends.’
‘Can I have tea? Not coffee.’ When her mouth started to flatten again he hurried to carry on. ‘I’m not taking any of this lightly. It’s hard, and I want to cheer you up. Though I guess that’s expecting too much.’ Not once in the years he’d spent with Vicki had he felt so useless, unable to say what he wanted without looking for implications he didn’t mean.
With quiet efficiency, Vicki made two mugs of tea. ‘Here, get that into you, though we’ll probably end up sweating something awful in this humidity.’ She sat down opposite him again and picked up the TV remote.
Obviously the conversation was over—for now. ‘Thanks.’ For the tea and backing off the hard stuff for a while. It didn’t mean the problems had gone away, they were only on hold. Then the urge to pick up Vicki and kiss her long and hard, to make love tore through him. Flapping his hand in front of his face, he muttered, ‘It’s damned hot.’ Every inch of his body was heated, pounding with need.
‘That’s Northern Queensland for you. I’m used to it and yet it still gets to me.’ The news channel came up on the screen.
Could he get used to it? Move here if that’s what Vicki wanted?
They watched in silence for a little while, then he said, ‘Nothing’s really changed from earlier. That has to be a good sign.’
‘Or we’re in the eye of the storm.’
Like their marriage. ‘You’re a box of cheer, aren’t you?’ he groaned, finally at ease again, though still a little tight in the groin. The need to kiss her wasn’t backing off.
She yawned, and checked her phone. ‘Blimey, where did the evening go? It’s after midnight. I should go to bed, though I doubt I’ll sleep.’
So much for kissing. She wasn’t inviting him to join her.
‘Might give it a try myself. It’s been a long day.’
If only they were going to share a bed, he could deal with the ache that had taken over his body. But he’d been shown to the third bedroom without a hint of remorse on Vicki’s part when they’d first got here. It was the first time they’d been in the same building and not slept together since the night they’d met.
His gut tightened in on itself. Talk about bringing home how far down the wrong track they’d gone. Would there be any turning around, getting back together? Behind his ribs, his heart slowed to a sad rhythm. Did Vicki see this weekend as their final time together? Was she going to tell him she didn’t love him any more? That the divorce was a foregone conclusion?
‘Or we could sit up all night and thrash out what’s bugging us,’ he said quietly, suddenly desperate to move on. Get this done one way or the other. No. He would not give up. He loved Vicki. There was only one conceivable outcome.
Vicki’s head flipped up, her eyes wide and startled. ‘No,’ she gasped.
‘Why not?’ At least they could start the ball rolling so he knew what he was up against. He waited. And waited as she fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, looking everywhere but at him.
Finally, she raised her head and locked her gaze firmly on him. ‘You’re right.’ She stopped, the heat in her eyes fading. ‘Oh, Cole. This is crazy. Who’d have thought we’d come to this? I can?
??t believe it.’
‘It doesn’t have to be all bad. We need to discuss everything that’s worrying you. That’s why I’m here.’
‘Don’t you have concerns about how we’ve blown it?’
‘I understand you’ve got issues with the time I’ve spent away from you, and because I didn’t ask you to come to me when I was in hospital.’ He sipped his tea, staring over the rim of the mug at the woman he loved so much. ‘I’m here to listen, to work with you to get our marriage back on track.’
‘It’s not that straightforward, Cole. There’re two of us in this mess.’ She fiddled with her fingernail, picking at it with her other hand. ‘Why did you really join the military? You always avoided the question. I might’ve understood and coped better if you’d told me.’