Anger at Nine, for not giving me two seconds to explain.
And then, regret.
About my past, about something out of my control because I had no way of knowing how Jeannine would hit me like a falling star—all hot and sparking and fierce enough to shake up my world. My past is what made her believe I could actually step out on her, see a bunny on the side.
I thought I’d shown her all these months.
Thought I’d proved it to her.
I should’ve used words too.
Her car wasn’t outside the house, but I was still the dumbass that hoped as I ran inside.
I knew the second I stepped foot into my entryway.
The silence was deafening.
No cries.
No gentle whir of the sound machine to help soothe Kat to sleep.
No gentle sucking of a breast or bottle.
No Nine.
The lack of life in the house hit me like a check to the boards.
I did this. I drove her away.
She’d really left.
And she’d taken Katherine with her.
I slammed my fist into the wall, my knuckles barking when it went clean through.
Chapter 17
Jeannine
Two movies, two pints of Ben & Jerry’s, and two feedings later, I sank onto Paige’s couch, my eyes raw from crying. Katherine had finally conked out on my chest, snoring peacefully after doing her fair share of crying as I’d quickly packed us a bag and shuffled us over to Paige and Rory’s house. Bailey following me.
Rory had come in the door an hour ago, bags of ice cream in hand. He wasn’t at Phantom like I’d originally thought, but Gage had been there, as Bailey told me, but it didn’t matter. Not anymore.
“Another round?” He asked, picking up the empty cartons.
I glanced up at him. “No, thank you,” I said, my tone hushed so to not wake the sleeping baby on my chest.
He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.
My cell vibrated on the coffee table before us, drawing me, Bailey, and Paige’s gaze.
Warren.
I let it got to voicemail.
Again.
Every time he called I wanted to pick up, to hear him out, but then I’d see the image of that mini-skirt wench so close to him, so close to his body…and I’d cringe. The anger consumed any rational thought I may have had.
“Don’t you want to answer?” Bailey asked.
“No.”
“Nine,” Paige said, sighing. “You know we love you. And support you no matter what, but…” she glanced at Bailey before continuing. “Crazy puck bunnies come with this Shark territory.”
“I can attest to that,” Rory said, returning to sit next to Paige in the armchair she perched on. “And, again,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down Paige’s back. “That bunny has been after Warren for months. He constantly shuts her down.”
I huffed. “It didn’t look like it.”
It had looked like he was letting her in.
Rory grumbled and Paige elbowed his side.
“Thank you for vouching for him,” I said, flashing Rory a sympathetic look. “But honestly, Rory. It’s only been a few months.” I shook my head. “He never wanted this.” I glanced down at the bundle in my arms, at my heart that I held like it was the most precious thing in the world because it was. “He never signed on for this kind of relationship. He only wanted to be involved in the baby’s life, and I think we got in too deep and he felt it and…” my breath caught as more tears threatened to stream from my eyes. I forced them down. I was done crying. “He wanted an out. He used the bunny as his exit ticket. And we’re done.” I sighed. “Who would want what comes with this crazy, stressful life when they could be a hockey star who can sleep with anyone he wants?”
“You seriously didn’t fucking just ask me that, did you?” Rory snapped, and Paige elbowed him again. “I’m sorry, Nine. You know I love you, but fuck. Gage and I both were in the same exact position as Warren. And look at us now.”
“He’s not you. He’s not Gage. And it most certainly wasn’t the exact same.” I eyed him, then Katherine, and back again.
“Damn straight he isn’t. He stepped up like a man the second he found out that baby was his. He didn’t run from it. If anything, he embraced it a hell of a lot faster than I would’ve.” He glanced down at Paige giving her an apologetic look. “It’s true. I know I’d man up, but maybe not as fast as Warren did. He wanted this. He wanted you both.”
“Maybe he did, in the beginning.” I patted Katherine’s bottom when she nuzzled against me. “But tonight…he went rushing back to his old life. And I can’t even blame him for missing it. For wanting to be that free again.” I could understand the urge to be free of responsibility again, despite not wanting to go back to that life myself. “And I bombarded his life with this. Turned it upside down with the news. And fuck me if I wanted him to choose me. Choose us.” I shook my head. “But I won’t force him. I would never want to force his hand like that. Trap him in something he doesn’t want. So, he got his out.” I sucked in a sharp breath, ignoring the pitying gazes of my friends. “And now I need to focus. I have a baby to raise and a banquet to host to get my fourth restaurant greenlit.” The same function Warren had promised to be at. To help me seal the deal on the building…
An ache split down my chest at the realization that we were done. I’d gotten used to him being there for me, depended on him.
Loved him.
And now it was over.
Rory parted his lips, but Paige elbowed him again, and he blew out a breath, rising from the chair and disappearing to another wing of the house. I appreciated him trying to talk some sense into me about his best friend, but I couldn’t hear it.
Not when I was in so much pain.
Not when all my fears had come to a head.
Not when I knew exactly what it felt like to never be chosen by a parent.
I held Katherine a little closer, thankful that I knew with absolute certainty that I’d never let her feel like a burden. Never let her doubt how loved she was.
I could be enough for her.
I would be enough for her.
And my broken heart would just have to heal another time.
Chapter 18
Warren
Crack!
My helmet smacked against th
e boards, Bentley’s hit had the force of a Mack truck.
“So we’re full force today, huh?” I snapped, shaking off the hit. “Good.”
Bentley’s eyes flashed wide beneath his helmet, but there was a challenging smirk there that said he knew I needed this. Gage must’ve filled him in before he dragged me out this morning.
After finding my home empty last night—both the loves of my life fleeing from my very existence—I hadn’t wanted to move, let alone play a pick-up game.
But Gage and Rory showed up, packed my shit, and forced me into the rink.
Now I was glad they did.
The feel of my skates shredding the ice, the heat in my lungs from the level we played at—not easy like our usual pick-up games—the sweat dripping over my face, the burn in my muscles as I chased after the rookie to return the hit, it all focused me to the point where I could think clearly.
The physical exertion lifted the fog hovering over my brain, the ache splintering my heart. My first love soothing me like nothing else could, and making me realize how much more I loved Nine and Kat.
Smack!
I caught Bentley, slamming him into the boards so hard he lost his footing and crashed against the ice.
“Shit,” Gage said, skating over to us, the game completely forgotten. Rory was right behind him.
I offered Bentley a hand up. “Gotcha, Rookie.”
He took it, and righted himself, blinking the haze out of his eyes.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “I’m glad we’re on the same team.” His breaths were fast. “I’d hate to play you when you’re actually on point.”
I raised my brows. “You think that was going easy on you?”
He tilted his head. “I know it was.”
“Not bad, Rookie.” I pursed my lips, nodding. “Not bad.”
He rolled his eyes but didn’t comment on the nickname I knew he hated, which was the only reason why I used it.
A moment of catching our breath and I realized…I stopped moving.
Stopped skating, playing.
Fuck, there it was, the storm cloud of thoughts rolling in to take over now that the distraction had paused.