He blew the stream of smoke up and away from her.
She hated cigarettes but she had no right to bitch about his smoking. He was good about not smoking around Dyna, so she couldn’t use her as an excuse.
“Did you know Ry’s mom died of lung cancer? She was a heavy smoker.”
“Cancer sucks,” was his only response as he took another drag. “Walt have lung cancer, too?”
“No. He had smoked when he was in his twenties but quit and never started again. It’s probably one reason Deacon and Judge never picked up the habit.”
“They smoke weed.”
She sighed. “Yeah, well. Quality pot isn’t going to kill you like the poisoned shit from the big tobacco companies.”
“The shit from the Amish is pure. No additives.”
“I know, but it’s still not good for you.”
“So, you’re sayin’ I should only get stoned instead of smokin’ tobacco.”
“I’m not saying that. Do what you want. Just keep Dyna away from it all.”
He got quiet, finished his cigarette and then flicked it out into the dark after pinching out the end.
He reached down, picked up a bottle she hadn’t noticed and tipped it to his lips.
“She give you any trouble tonight?”
She was staring straight ahead but out of the corner of her eye could see him turn his head to look at her.
“Only one female gave me trouble tonight,” he said way too softly.
“Yeah, did you have a visitor?”
“Ain’t you fuckin’ funny,” he grumbled. “She was good. Went down easy. Fed her again just a while ago.”
“You’re doing good, Chris,” she said quietly. It was true and he should know.
“Yeah,” he said on a sigh. “Who’da thunk a dumb fuck like me could be a good dad?” When she didn’t respond, he asked, “Where’d ya go?”
Here came the conversation she wanted to avoid. “Pete’s.”
He didn’t say anything for a few moments, but she could feel his searching gaze.
“Don’t ask.”
“Jem...”
“Not your business, Chris.”
“Could be.”
For fuck’s sake, now she was really regretting not hooking up with Ozzy or Dodge, or anyone at the bar. It would have delayed her coming back here and getting into this conversation again. “It’s not on the table. And I’m done talking about it.”
“Could be on the table. The bed, the floor, wherever. I ain’t your father, Jem.” He said the last part so softly, her heart skipped a beat.
It was true, he was proving that he was nothing like her father. He actually cared about his daughter and wanted to do right by her.
However, it wasn’t enough. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, the fuck it does. What the fuck does it matter if the random you choose is a fuckin’ biker? It’s a fuck, not a forever.”
Why the hell did he have to keep pushing this?
“It matters when I wake up on the other side of the same trailer. As I see him every morning so I can feed his daughter and make him breakfast.”
“Don’t need to make me fuckin’ breakfast. Never asked you for that.”
No, but I want to.
Your life’s going to be hard enough being a single parent. So, for the time I’m here, I want to do that for you. Make you breakfast before you head to work. Have a meal ready for when you return. It isn’t much, but it’s something.
She didn’t admit to any of that, instead she said, “No, you only need to snap your fingers and Angel will do it for you.”
“Angel?”
She squeezed her eyes shut for a second. Holy shit, was that a flicker of jealousy? “Never mind.”
Angel could sleep with any of the guys and not have a problem with “casual.” She’d had Cage without strings. But the sweet butt also didn’t have to live in close quarters with him.
At least Ozzy and Dodge lived elsewhere.
Christ! Why was she even thinking of those two? The one who got her heart thumping and her pussy pulsing was sitting right next to her.
“I’ve fucked other women since Sarah, Jem.”
“Well, yeah. I didn’t think you were a choir boy, but that was before you knew you had a daughter.”
“Hold up. I shouldn’t wanna fuck now that I have a kid? I’m supposed to just lose my fuckin’ desire for women ‘cause I’m now a dad? How do couples make more kids if that’s true?”
She twisted her head to stare at him. “You want more kids?”
“Can’t afford more. Can’t afford this one.”
“If you could...”
“Already strugglin’ with this one. She’s enough.”
“Keep that in mind the next time you find a willing partner.” It just wasn’t her. It was bad enough in the couple of weeks since she’d been back to Manning Grove, she was losing her heart to his daughter.
She didn’t need to lose it to the baby’s father, too.
Because she wasn’t staying. She never wanted to stay in Manning Grove. She’d escaped as soon as she was able. She even kept her visits home short.