I’m waiting for the itch to begin.
The need for a pill.
That need to feed the beast within.
It doesn’t come, though, and for that, I’m relieved. There’s no place for that in my new life.
I walk into the room filled with decadence and sin, clinging to the hope that I’m stronger than this. There’s no temptation great enough for me to break this clean streak. Putting food on my plate and making rent are quite the motivation to stay on the straight and narrow.
My ears begin to ring as my feet carry me closer to the bar. The bass is so loud it actually shakes the room, and I can barely hear myself think. It would be easy to lose myself to the oblivion of the pulse in this familiar terrain. For this reason, I haven’t stepped foot in a club or a bar since the night I attended my first NA meeting.
This feeling of wanting to drown in booze gnaws at the pit of my stomach as my eyes scan the room. I shouldn’t be here, but I have no choice.
Club Silver is a white and sterile, modernistic space. Along the outskirts of the room are faintly lit alcoves for bottle service. White chiffon drapes hang from metal wires that allow the patrons to close themselves off from the outside chaos and be free to drink and party the night away.
My jaw tightens. No. Not going back there.
Pushing back my memories, I continue to the bar. I walk up to the stainless-steel monstrosity that takes up the whole wall, and the most beautiful man I have ever seen turns in my direction. He has short, brown hair that looks kissed by the sun and piercing blue eyes. His intense gaze causes me to flush from head to toe, and a perfect five o’clock shadow adds just a bit of ruggedness to his otherwise boyish features. This man can easily play the main character in my next fantasy. He’s sheer perfection.
“Um, is something wrong?” I ask, feeling shy under his blatant staring.
“Nope. Not so much as a hair out of place.” He cracks a warm smile. “You just remind me of someone I used to know. No big deal,” he says, pulling down the handle of the tap and filling a glass full of amber beer. “Damn,” he barks as the keg splutters, spilling the last of its contents and spraying a bit at him. “Give me one minute,” he says, running toward the back.
I take my time looking over the liquors that line the wall in front of me. Top shelf and the most expensive bottles sit highest on the wall. I’m sure in a place like this, bottles even that expensive don’t gather dust.
“Sorry about that,” he says, wheeling in a new keg. “What’s your poison?” Mr. Beautiful throws my way.
“Actually, I’m here to see Mr. Lawson. I’m Bailey Jameson.”
“Your name is Bailey Jameson?” He chuckles. “Did your parents have a drinking problem or something?” he says over his shoulder as he slings the keg into place.
Oh my god, his arms are so toned and sexy. He raises his eyebrows, signaling he’s waiting for me to speak.
“Um, what?” Brilliant, Bae. Now he thinks you’re a moron.
“You have two liquor names. Ya know, Bailey and Jameson?”
“Oh, right. I’m pretty sure that was an unfortunate accident.” I grin and continue my quest to locate my new boss. Please don’t let it be a hot bartender.
“I’m supposed to be starting here tonight.”
“Ah, yes. The fresh meat.” He smirks.
Oh god, that smirk. My insides melt right then and there.
“Unfortunately for you, Bailey, you’re stuck with me. Drew is meeting with someone in his office. I’m Carter Cass.”
Carter Cass. His name is perfect . . . He’s perfect.
“That’s okay.” Suddenly, I’m nervous at the prospect of being stuck with this guy. He leans forward across the bar, his muscles becoming more defined, and I gulp deeply as I’m sure my cheeks turn crimson. His lips tip upward as he catches my perusal. Keep your head in the game.
“You sure you want to work here? You look a little scared.” His grin deepens.
My eyes widen. Shit. He’s hot, but no reason to make an ass out of yourself. “I’m fine. New jobs always make me a bit uneasy.”
“Well, you got nothing to fear at Silver, Bailey. Everyone is real chill, plus the tips are killer. You can’t get better than this anywhere in New York.” He motions around the room to prove his point. “Why don’t you come back here, and I’ll show you the ropes? What did Drew tell you about the job?”
“Honestly, nothing. I’ve never spoken to him.” I shrug.
“So how did you wind up here with us?”
“A friend called in a favor. I was about to get evicted from my apartment—”
My hand clamps over my mouth. Carter lifts his head to me. He doesn’t say anything, but I know he wants to ask. He’s giving me time to spill, but I won’t. We stand here in silence until he averts his eyes and gives me the out I desperately want.