“I’m sorry. You’re right. Clearly, you don’t need it. I was wrong.” I turn on my heels and walk toward the church, leaving him behind.
“Hey, wait,” he calls out, but I don’t stop.
He grabs my elbow and stops me, spinning me on my heel. I level him with my best what can I do for you expression.
“Stop, Bae. We need to talk about this.”
“Talk about what? I misunderstood the situation, Carter. I thought you wanted to completely quit, but I see you don’t have an addiction, so no need for help.” I turn and take a couple of steps before turning back to him. “Drew knows you’re using at the club.”
His face went pale before anger took over. “You told him?” he accuses, looking as though steam is about to come out of his ears.
I frown. “You might not know me that well, Carter, but I thought we were friends. You should know I would never rat out a friend. He knows all on his own. You sneaking around isn’t as undercover as you thought.”
With a little shake of the head, he replaces his thin lips with a practiced smile. “I’m sorry, Bae, we’re cool.” He shuffles on his feet before speaking his fear out loud. “Is he going to fire me?”
I shrug. “No clue. He gave me permission to offer you a huge promotion, but it came with the stipulation you get clean first.” I level him with a stare. “But since you don’t think you have a problem, I don’t see how that promotion is going to work. I can’t hire you and have him catch you using. I have to be able to depend on whoever I appoint to this position.”
“A promotion? Seriously?” he asks, looking at the ground.
“Yeah, but like I said, I’m not sure it’s going to work.”
He looks at the ominous church standing beside us and then peers into the city traffic.
Flashes of colors rush by as the traffic flows. Lifting his left wrist to his line of sight, he checks the time on his watch.
“I actually have some time. I have some stuff to do before work, but if you wanna go in, I’ll join you.”
I gnaw at my upper lip as I gauge his behavior. I hope he’s not just doing this to appease me. I can’t stand the idea of losing my only friend, but if he isn’t ready to get help, this won’t work. “You’re sure that’s what you want? It can’t be about a promotion, Carter. It has to be because you want to change your life.”
“I do. This whole thing just caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting it.”
“I get that, but if I’d have told you before, would you have actually shown up?”
That’s the issue. I should’ve told him. The bottom line, if he wasn’t ready, that should’ve been my sign that this morning was born of the embarrassment about last night. Every addict was eventually able to shake that off and brush their behavior under the rug so that they could use another day.
“Yeah, totally.”
I frown, not buying that at all. He’s doing this solely for the promotion, which isn’t the right reason. But he’s here, and maybe attending the meeting will help convince him to finally take that leap. I can only hope the combination of a meeting and a promotion will do the trick, though it’s unlikely.
“Then let’s go,” I say.
“Love ya, beautiful,” he says as he leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I promise, I’ll try.”
The breath I’ve been holding through this whole exchange is expelled. I know he will be better one day, and I will be here for him throughout that process. Today is a start.
By the time Carter and I are done talking, we’re the last to arrive at the meeting. All the seats are taken except for two chairs directly in front of the coffee pot. The idea of coffee sounds appealing until I notice the black sludge inside it. The red plastic chair squeaks as the metal hits the concrete floor of the basement. I quietly sit down and try my best not to disturb anyone or call any more unwelcome attention to us.
The group leader is speaking. His words sound like a faint hum as I turn my head away from him and concentrate on the people surrounding me. Their bleak moods reflect how I used to feel and how Carter probably does feel sitting here. Completely dejected that they lack the strength to stand on their own two feet and need a room full of strangers to keep from using. It’s a sobering reminder of how far I’ve come. I wish I didn’t have to be here, but Carter needs me, and if I’m being honest with myself, the urge has become stronger since starting at the club.