Suddenly, something is slipped underneath the door.
I look up and blink a couple of times, wondering if I just imagined it.
But there really is a paper note on the wooden floor.
I jump up from my seat and bend over to pick it up. It has some handwritten words scribbled on one side.
In the showers hut, left side, is a door. Someone will let you in tomorrow evening. I’ll be waiting there. Your ritual is tomorrow. Choose wisely.
The note tremors in my hand.
He’s approved me for a ritual … for the ceremony tomorrow.
But he also gave me a choice.
I swallow hard.
Fuck someone … or get fucked.
Chapter 14
Natalie
My punishment for running off and trying to speak to the patriarchs was no lunch and no dinner for the day. It was easy, considering what they put me through in the concrete hut. Still, I did what I was asked to do, eating with a scarf around my neck the moment breakfast arrived.
I worked without putting up a fight, gathering branches for the fires and helping the women roll up the yarn for the day. Mundane tasks like that keep my thoughts occupied and away from what it truly wants to think about; the evening ceremony, which is arriving soon.
By the time the sun sets, my nerves have already come out to play. As everyone comes back to the hut for a final drink and a few chats, I feel uneasy and ready to hurl. But I keep it together, for April’s sake. She’s been watching me ever since I ran off, and from the way she looks at me, I can tell she’s fearful. She knows what’s going to happen to me, and it’s only a matter of time before it’ll happen to her too.
She’s younger than I am, maybe nineteen tops, much too young to be thrust into a world like this. This world is unkind to women, but most of all to those who are unwilling to adjust.
That’s why she’s been so compliant all this time. It’s easier to give in and do what’s asked, if it means the suffering is less. But every other glance she throws me is one of worry or one of horror.
I wish I could talk to her. That I could hug her without any of the other girls present here to tattle on us and get us into trouble for trying to survive the impossible.
Instead, I begrudgingly let them dress me up again like some Christmas tree. I don’t understand why they do it in this order since we’re going to be showering right after. Maybe it’s part of the ceremony.
“Why do we get dressed first if we shower after?” I ask, unable to stop the curiosity.
“The showers are a sacred place, Natalie. We have to do away with our dirty work clothes before we go there. Fresh clothes are a must.”
“Ah … got it,” I answer even though it still doesn’t make any sense.
“But we must be naked for the ceremony,” April murmurs under her breath.
Holly looks at her with disdain. “Yes, that is what makes the ceremony so wonderful. Everything is laid bare, no one holds secrets, and no one is afraid.”
Except for us.
It’s almost as if she’s instilling her thoughts into April to try to convince her that what she’s feeling isn’t right. As though our own thoughts no longer belong to us.
“It’s the most wonderful thing, to get married to a man,” Holly adds.
“Right,” April says, nodding.
It’s almost as if she’s starting to believe it.
When we’re ready, it’s time to walk toward the showers again. My heart is already racing, my mind still reeling from that note I got … the same note I had to burn in the fireplace so no one would find it. But I memorized its words.
Behind the showers, left side, is a door. Choose wisely.
It’s not a game; it’s a test. See what … or who … I pick.
But that’s just the problem. I don’t fucking know what to do.
All I know is that I’m moving in line, just as all the other women attending today’s ceremony are. Wives, husbands, mothers, dads, recently married—everyone attends except the children. They’re being watched over by a few lucky elders.
I guess they don’t consider it luck but duty.
In this community, the ceremony is almost like a fun night out. A place to be. As though it’s the most amazing thing there could ever be. They don’t know any better … but I do. I remember what it’s like to make a choice. To not be naked in front of an entire audience.
And I’ll never, ever forget. That’s a promise I made to myself, no matter how long I’ll have to stay here, even if it is forever.
“Clothes,” the elder wife at the door spits at me, and the reality of what’s about to happen hits me right in the face.