"Thanks," he said, stepping in behind me.
"No problem. I need a shower. You leaving now?" I asked, taking my bag from his hands and heading for the bathroom.
"Yeah, I think so. "
"See you in the morning," I told him. I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I waited until I heard the hotel room door close and he had sufficient time to get away before I let the tears come. Id been holding them back for hours. Crying didnt make the pain easier, but for that one moment I could lose myself in my sorrow. I didnt have to hide it. I could let it out freely.
Deep down, I knew what I had done was right. Id let Woods go. My fear that I would hurt him no longer haunted me. He was okay. He was living his life and he would find that someone who could be his perfect fit. What wed had was never going to be perfect. Love should be simple. I wasnt simple.
Woods deserved someone like Blaire Finlay. He needed a woman by his side who could pull out a gun and take care of herself. A wife who could give him babies that he could love and know they would be mentally healthy. The fear that their mother could snap would never be there.
I would never be a Blaire. I wanted to be more than I wanted my next breath, but it would never happen. I wasnt Woodss simple perfection. He would find it one day with someone else. Maybe one day I would find a way to be happy again. Maybe living life would help me find my place.
I refused to believe I would end up damaged like my mother. I might not have been wife-and-mother material, but I was a person. I could be something. I could make a difference in this world. I just had to find out what that something was. Thinking about Woods and his disinterest in finding me wasnt doing me any good. Crying wasnt healing me.
It was time I healed myself. I didnt need a man to hold my hand and cuddle me. I needed to do this on my own. Woods had wanted to help me and Id wanted someone to cling to.
Tripp and I had pooled our money together and it had been enough for a while, but it wouldnt last forever. It was time Tripp went back to his place in South Carolina and I found a life. One that I lived alone. One in which I depended on myself.
I stood up and turned on the shower and undressed. I would wash away my tears and I wouldnt allow myself to do this again. There was a bravery inside of me that I was going to find and nurture.
Page 19
Woods
I sat outside on my balcony with a beer in one hand and my phone in the other. Tripp called at nine every night. It was the only way I kept myself sane. Listening to him tell me about what she was doing, what she was saying, and even what she was wearing was the only way I held on to my last shreds of sanity.
The moment Tripps name lit up the screen I answered.
"Hey, how is she?" I didnt care about small talk. I had decided not to find Tripp and break all the limbs from his body when hed called me the first time and promised to keep me updated on Della. He said she needed time to deal with things and I needed to give her that. I was trying like hell but I wanted to go to her. Every time he told me which city they were in, I fought the need to jump on a plane.
"She was quiet today. Didnt talk much and couldnt wait to get rid of me. Shes depressed but this is just another stage for her. "
"Where are you now?"
"Memphis. "
"Are you checked into a hotel?"
"Yeah. Shes in the room. Im out, giving her some space tonight. "
Giving her space? Alone, in a strange city? "What the fuck are you thinking? You cant leave her alone! If shes been quiet she may be closing in on herself. You cant leave her alone. Shell need someone to bring her back. She cant---"
"Woods! Calm down, man. Calm down. " Tripps voice was commanding.
"She cant be alone," I said again as emotion lodged in my throat. I hated to think of her alone.
"She needs to be alone. She needs to cry. She needs to decide if giving you this freedom she thinks you need is going to be possible. Her leaving is all about you, Woods. She didnt want to leave you. Ive told you that already. She loves you so much that she left to give you the life she thinks you want. One where you dont have to deal with her shit. So, now that shes done that, she has to live with it. Give her time. Shell come back. "
I had set my beer down and stood up. Gripping the railing, I closed my eyes and fought back the pain. I just wanted her. Just Della. Any way I could have her, I wanted her. I wasnt ever going to be all right. I didnt want her to be alone. I wanted someone to hold her.
"Hold her for me. Hold her tight. Dont let her be lonely. Dont let her hurt. Please. "
"I will do what she allows me to do. But my arms arent the ones she wants. "
"Fuck," I growled as sharp pains wrapped around my throat.
"Just give her more time," Tripp said.
I took several long, steadying breaths. He had to get back to her. He couldnt leave her alone like this. "When we hang up, go back to her. "
Tripp sighed. "Fine. But I had plans tonight. Theres a hot little bartender giving me the eye. "
"Do you need more money?" I asked him. I had been depositing money into his account since he had called the first night. I wanted her in nice hotels and I wanted her to eat well.
"Shes going to notice soon that we arent running out of money. I keep waiting for her to bring up the fact that we stay in the nicest part of each town and eat in high-end restaurants instead of fast-food chains. Shes not an idiot. "
"Im holding on by a damn thread. Your phone calls and the fact I know shes in nice hotels and eating good food is the only fucking thing keeping me sane. "
"Im going to see if I can convince her to go back to my place in South Carolina with me. I have a nice place there. Its safe and I have a job I can go back to. I can get her a job, too. "
I just wanted her to come home. "Whatever you need to do. But she stays safe. "
"Im keeping her safe. I promise. "
"You took her from me," I reminded him. I couldnt thank him.
"She asked me to. Im her friend, too. "
"She needs me. "
"No, dude. Right now, she needs to find the strength inside herself. The strength she doesnt think is there. Once she realizes that she isnt a burden, shell be back. "
"She has to," I said, then ended the call before Tripp heard the pain in my voice.
Page 20
Della
The pizza hadnt even arrived yet when Tripp walked back in the door. I had been sure he was going to screw a stranger. "Youre back?"
He shrugged. "I decided Id rather have pizza instead of a beer. "
Something was up. He wouldnt rather have had pizza than get laid. Tripp was a bit of a man-whore. I had figured this out pretty fast. Women liked him and he liked them right back---for about two or three hours, then he was gone.
"Why are you really back? You never choose pizza over . . . beer. "
A crooked grin tugged at his lips and he shifted his gaze over to me. "By the way you just said beer, Im going to assume you know what Im normally up to when I step out for a drink. "
I rolled my eyes. "Uh, yeah. "
Tripp sank down on the edge of the other bed. "Well, tonight I was thinking about something and I thought we might need to talk more than I needed a beer. "
I wasnt sure how to respond to that so I just waited.
The knock on the door stopped him from going any farther.
"Pizza," he said, standing up and going to pay for the pizza. I had also ordered a two-liter soda. It wasnt beer but it came with the special.
I watched as he set the pizza down on my bed and grabbed the two plastic glasses by the ice bucket and fixed us a drink. I had been thinking we needed to talk, too, I just wasnt sure when we would get the chance. Before we got any farther away from South Carolina, I planned on telling him we should go there.
"Meat lovers. Its like you knew I was coming back," he said.
"No. The special tonight was a large meat
lovers and a two-liter soda for fifteen dollars. I went with the special. "
"Lucky me," he replied.
"Talk, Tripp. I want to know whats more important than beer. "
Tripp let out a small chuckle and took a drink of his soda. Then he settled his green eyes on me. "Impatient, arent you. "
I didnt reply. I just raised my eyebrows to let him know I was still waiting.
"We need to go back to South Carolina. I need to get back to my job and I can get you hooked up with a job, too. I have a place there and it will be good for you to stay in one place longer than a day and think about stuff. "
Not what I had been expecting him to say.
"Okay," I replied.