Just to test him she tried to move away. He tightened his hold. "All right, Sara," he announced. "I'd like to get some sleep tonight. Tell me what's on your mind. Get it done so I can rest."
She couldn't quit smiling. That was quite all right, she told herself, because he couldn't see her expression. He'd pressed her face against the side of his neck. His fingers were gently stroking the hair away from her temple.
She had been quite determined to tell him that he loved her. She'd believed that once she'd told him, he'd realize she was right. Now she didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment. He wasn't ready to acknowledge the truth quite yet.
The revelation had finally settled in her mind. It stunned her a little. Nathan was afraid. She wasn't certain if he was afraid of loving anyone or just afraid of loving her… but he was afraid.
Lord, he'd go into a rage if she told him what she was thinking. Men didn't like to hear they were afraid of anything.
"Sara, damn it all, hurry up and get it said so I can go to sleep."
"Get what said?" she countered as her mind raced for a suitable topic to talk about.
"God, you make me daft. You said you had something important to tell me."
"I did," she agreed.
"Well?"
"Nathan, don't squeeze me so tight," she whispered. He immediately let up on his hold. "I seem to have forgotten whatever it was I wanted to tell you."
He kissed her forehead. "Then go to sleep," he instructed.
She snuggled up against him. "You're a fine man, Nathan." She whispered those words of praise and then let out a loud, thoroughly unladylike yawn. "You do please me most of the time."
His deep chuckle warmed her. It wasn't enough, though. "Now it's your turn," she instructed.
"My turn to do what?" he asked. He deliberately pretended not to understand just to prick her temper.
She was too tired to nag him any longer. She closed her eyes and yawned again. "Oh, never mind," she said. "You can have your turn tomorrow."
"You're a fine woman," he whispered. "You please me, too."
Her sigh of pleasure filled the room. "I know," she whispered back.
She fell asleep before he could give her a lecture on the merits of humility. Nathan closed his eyes. He needed rest, for God only knew what tomorrow would bring, with Lady Sara trying her damnedest to run things.
If Nathan had learned anything of value over the past weeks, it was never to expect the usual.
He had believed he would have to protect his wife from the world. Now he knew the truth. It had become his duty to protect the world from his wife.
It was an absurd revelation, of course, but the marquess still fell asleep with a grin on his face.
Chapter Eleven
The day they dropped anchor in the deeper waters surrounding Nora's Caribbean home Sara found out her husband had more than two titles. He wasn't just the Marquess of St. James and the Earl of Wakersfield.
He was also Pagan.
She was so stunned by that bit of news, she literally collapsed on the bed. She hadn't deliberately set out to eavesdrop, but the trap in the ceiling of her room was open and the two seamen were talking rather loudly. It was only when their voices dropped to whisper level that Sara began to pay attention to what they were talking about.
She refused to believe what she heard until Matthew entered the conversation and spoke matter-of-factly about the booty they'd divided from their last raid.
She had to sit down then.
In truth, she was more terrified than horrified by the revelation. Her fear was solely for Nathan, though, and every time she thought about the chances he took when he set out to pirate another ship she got sick to her stomach.
One black thought led to another. She pictured him walking toward the gallows, but only once would she allow herself to imagine that terrible possibility. When the bile rose in her throat and she knew she was about to lose her breakfast she forced herself to stop her black thoughts.
Sara would have been in complete despair if not for the last comment she overheard Chester make. The seaman admitted he was damned happy his pirating days were behind him. Most of the men, he added, were ready to take on family life, and their illegal savings would give them all a nice start.
She was so relieved she started to cry. She wasn't going to have to save Nathan from himself after all. He had apparently already seen the error of his ways. Lord, she prayed he had. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him. She'd loved him for so long, and life without him grunting at her and shouting at her—and loving her—was too devastating to think about.
Sara spent most of the morning worrying about Nathan. She couldn't seem to rid herself of her fear. What if one of his men betrayed her husband? The bounty on Pagan's head was enormous at last posting. No, no, don't think about that, she told herself. The men were a fiercely loyal lot. Yes, she'd noticed that right away. Why borrow trouble? What would happen would happen, no matter how much fretting she did beforehand.
No matter what, she would stand beside her husband and defend him any way that she could.
Had Matthew confided his dark past to Nora? And if so, had he also told her that Nathan was Pagan? Sara decided she would never find out one way or the other. She wasn't about to tell anyone, not even her dear aunt, what she'd learned. That secret was going to go to the grave with her.
When Nathan came down to the cabin to collect his wife he found her sitting on the side of the bed, staring off into space. It was as hot as the inside of a furnace, but Sara was shivering. He thought she wasn't feeling well. Her face was pale, yet the more telling symptom was that she barely spoke a word to him.
His concern intensified when she sat quietly in the rowboat that took them to the pier. Her hands were folded in her lap, her gaze downcast, and she didn't seem to be at all interested in her surroundings.
Nora sat beside Sara and kept up a steady stream of conversation. The elderly woman mopped her brow with her handkerchief and used her fan to cool herself. "It will take a day or two to get used to the heat," she remarked. "By the way, Nathan," she added, "there's a lovely waterfall just a half mile or so from my house. The water comes from the mountain. It's as pure as a baby's smile. There's a gathering pool at the bottom, and you simply must make time to take Sara up there for a nice swim."
Nora turned to look at her niece. "Sara, perhaps now you can learn how to swim."
Sara didn't answer her. Nora nudged her to gain her attention.
"I'm sorry," Sara said. "What did you just say?"
"Sara, whatever are you daydreaming about?" Nora asked.
"I wasn't daydreaming." She stared at Nathan when she made that remark. She frowned, too.
Nathan didn't know what to make of that. "She doesn't feel well," he told Nora.
"I feel perfectly well," Sara countered.
Nora's concern was obvious in her expression. "You've been terribly preoccupied," she remarked. "Is the heat bothering you?"
"No," Sara answered. She let out a little sigh. "I was just thinking about… things."
"Any special thing in particular?" Nora prodded.
Sara continued to stare at Nathan. He raised an eyebrow when she didn't immediately answer her aunt.
Nora broke the staring contest when she asked her ques tion once again. "I was suggesting that now would be an excellent time to learn how to swim."
"I'll teach you."
Nathan volunteered for that duty. Sara smiled at him. "Thank you for offering, but I don't believe I want to learn how. There isn't any need."
"Of course there is," he replied. "You'll learn before we leave for England."
"I don't wish to learn," she said again. "I don't need to know how."
"What do you mean, you don't need to know how?" Nathan asked. "You sure as hell do need to know how."
"Why?"
Because she looked so genuinely perplexed, he lost a little of his irritation. "Sara, you won't have to worry about drowning if you know how to swim."
"I don't worry about it now," she countered.
"Damn it all, you should."
She couldn't understand why he was getting so irritated. "Nathan, I won't drown."
That statement gave him pause. "Why not?"
"You wouldn't let me." She smiled.
Nathan braced his hands on his knees and leaned forward. "You're right," he began in a reasonable tone of voice. "I wouldn't let you drown."
Sara nodded. She turned to Nora. "There, do you see, Nora? There really isn't any need—"
Nathan interrupted her. "However," he announced in a louder voice, "what about those times when I'm not with you?"
She gave him an exasperated look. "Then I wouldn't go into the water."
He took a deep breath. "What if you fell into the water by accident?"
"Nathan, this is sounding very like the argument you gave me about defending myself," she said, her voice full of suspicion.
It's exactly the same argument, he countered. "I don't want to have to worry about you. You're going to learn how to swim, and that's the end of this discussion."
"Nora, do you notice how he yells at me all the time?" Sara asked.
"Don't try to draw me into this discussion," her aunt said. "I won't take sides."
Husband and wife lapsed into silence. Not another word was exchanged until they reached the pier.
Sara finally took time to notice her surroundings. "Oh, Nora," she whispered. "Everything is even… greener and lusher than I remembered."
The tropical paradise was vibrant with every color in the rainbow. Sara stood on the pier and stared up at the rolling hills in the distance. The sun pierced the palm trees, shining bright upon the multitude of delicate red flowers sprinkling the way to the top of the mountain.
Clapboard houses painted in pastel shades of pink and green, with copper-colored tiled roofs, stood regal against the background of hills overlooking the harbor. Sara wished there was time to take her charcoals and paper in hand and try to capture the God-created canvas. She realized almost immediately that she couldn't possibly duplicate the masterpiece, and she let out a little sigh.
Nathan walked over to stand beside her. The innocent wonder on her face took his breath away.
"Sara?" he asked when he noticed the tears gathering in her eyes. "Is something the matter?"
She didn't take her gaze away from the hills when she answered him. "It's magnificent, isn't it, Nathan?"
"What's magnificent?"
"The painting God's given us," she whispered. "Look up at the hills. Do you see how the sun acts as the frame? Oh, Nathan, it truly is magnificent."
He never looked up. He stared down at his wife's face for what seemed an eternity. A slow heat seemed to permeate his heart, his soul. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch her. The back of his finger slowly trailed a line down the side of her cheek.
"You are magnificent," he heard himself whisper. "You see only the beauty in life."
Sara was stunned by the emotional force in his voice. She turned to smile at him. "I do?" she whispered.
The unguarded moment was gone. Before she could so much as blink Nathan's manner changed. He became brisk when he ordered her to quit dallying.
She wondered if she was ever going to understand him. She walked by her aunt's side along the wooden planks that led to the street while she considered her husband's confusing personality.
"Sara dear, you're frowning. Is the heat beginning to bother you?"
"No," she answered. "I was just thinking what a confusing man my husband is," she explained. "Nora, he actually wants me to become thoroughly self-sufficient," she confessed. "Nathan has made me realize how dependent I try to make myself. I only thought I should," she added with a shrug. "I thought he was supposed to take care of me, but perhaps I was in error. I believe he would still cherish me even if I could defend myself."
"I believe he'd be very proud of your efforts," Nora answered. "Do you really want to be at a man's mercy? Consider your mother, Sara. She isn't married to a man as caring as Nathan."
Her aunt had given her something to think about. Sara hadn't considered the possibility that Nathan might have turned out to be a cruel man. But what if he had?
"I must think about what you've just said," she whispered.
Nora patted her hand. "You'll work it all out in your mind, my dear. Don't frown so. It will give you a headache. My, isn't it a lovely day?"
There were several men loitering along the pathway. They all stared at Sara when she strolled past. Nathan scowled at their blatantly lustful looks, and when one overly appreciative man let out a low whistle Nathan's temper ignited. When he walked past the man he casually slammed the back of his fist into the bastard's face.
The blow toppled the man into the water. Sara glanced back over her shoulder when she heard the splash. It was an absentminded action, for she was also trying to concentrate on what Nora was saying to her. She caught Nathan's eye. He smiled at her. She smiled back before turning around again.
All but one of the other men moved out of the way when Nathan walked past. The less cautious individual had a twiglike nose and a squint. "She's a fetching one, ain't she?" he remarked.
"She's mine," Nathan announced in a low growl. Instead of hitting the insolent man he simply shoved him off the pier.
"Boy, you're getting a mite protective, don't you think?" Jimbo drawled out. He grinned when he added, "She's just a wife."
"The woman doesn't realize her own appeal," Nathan muttered. "She sure as hell wouldn't walk like that if she noticed how the bastards were leering at her."
"Exactly how is she walking?" Jimbo asked.
"You know damn well what I'm talking about. The way her hips…" He didn't continue his explanation, but turned his attention to Jimbo's last remark. "And she isn't just a wife, Jimbo. She's my wife."
Jimbo decided he'd baited Nathan long enough. The boy was working himself into a fury. "I can already see from the looks of the place that we aren't going to be able to get the supplies we need to repair the mast."