‘I’m so tired of driving,’ she said.
I wondered if she was tired because she was pregnant. Mom wasn’t overly tired when she was pregnant with Portia, but that was her fourth child. This was Nikki’s first.
‘You sure you’re okay?’ I asked.
‘I just said I’m tired.’
I waited a second, then said, ‘Have you talked to Coop?’ Cooper, also known as Coop, was her on-off boyfriend. When they were on, she talked about him. When they were off, she would only say he was a big dick – ‘and not the good kind’. I didn’t understand that at first.
‘Coop? He’s a dick,’ Nikki said. She glanced over at me. ‘Why are you asking me that?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I just thought you might have called him or something.’
‘I haven’t.’
‘Okay.’
We were both silent for a minute, and then she said, ‘It’s just all this driving. I hate it.’
‘Lie. You love driving.’
‘Not anymore.’
‘You sure that’s all it is?’ I asked.
‘Yes. Jesus.’
No matter what I said, or how many ways I tried to ask, she never told me about the pregnancy test. And I didn’t want to tell her that I snooped.
‘Seriously,’ she said. ‘I think this is it.’
I sat up and leaned in toward her. ‘What’s it?’
‘After we’re done with the theme park, we have to call Mom and Dad.’
I shook my head. ‘No way.’
‘We have to go home sometime,’ she said. ‘We can’t stay out here forever.’
No one said anything about forever. It was just supposed to be until we got to the Pacific Ocean.
I didn’t want to go home. For once, we were free, or as free as we ever had been. We could sleep, eat, and watch TV whenever we wanted. We could go anywhere, pretend to be anyone, and we weren’t really doing anything bad – it’s not like we had killed anyone. Nikki and I were in it together. We were partners. That was all I ever wanted.
‘They’ll come get us,’ Nikki said. ‘We won’t have to drive home. I mean, you heard how angry Mom sounded last night. She’ll fly here in a second.’
That was true. I did miss Mom and Dad and my friends. I missed my bed, my room, my window. I even missed eating healthy food.
But I missed Nikki even more. At home, we weren’t like this. She ignored me most of the time.
‘Think about the stories you’ll get to tell in school,’ Nikki said. ‘Everyone will be so jealous we did this.’ She looked over at me, a big smile on her face. ‘You can even say we did it together.’
I think my jaw dropped. No, I know it did. Nikki had a rule that I was never supposed to talk about her at school or what she did. She said I’d only get her in trouble.
So I wasn’t sure if I should trust her. ‘You’re lying.’
‘I’m not. Promise.’ Nikki held out her pinkie. I couldn’t remember the last time we pinkie-swore. Even then, we were a little old for it.
I fell for it anyway. That’s how badly I wanted attention from Nikki. Maybe she was telling the truth. Maybe she just wanted me to help with her plan to get home. Doesn’t matter now and it didn’t matter then, because Eddie stepped in and ruined everything.
I should’ve known, should’ve listened, should’ve seen it coming. That’s what Nikki said. It was all my fault that Grandpa and Eddie staged a coup and forced Nikki out of power.
It happened so fast.
One day, Nikki was driving and we were going to ride roller coasters.
The next day, Grandpa was back in the driver’s seat and Nikki didn’t have anything to blackmail him into staying quiet. While I was up front talking to Nikki, Eddie found the second disposable camera – the one with the so-called vile pictures on it. That’s all he needed to take control.
I can still see him holding it up, smiling.
Grandpa was right there, smiling right along with him, and he looked a lot more lucid. He turned to Nikki and said, ‘This was always my road trip.’
Nikki screamed. It was one of those top-of-the-lungs, ear-piercing, horror-movie screams and I thought she was going to break all the windows in the van. When the screaming was over, the cursing began. It continued until Eddie threatened to gag her.
She shut up.
I hated Eddie more than I ever had, maybe more than Grandpa. Honestly, it never crossed my mind that Eddie would do such a thing. Not once.
But if it had crossed my mind, I wouldn’t have told him about the camera. He didn’t know anything about it until I opened my big mouth. It happened the night before, after Nikki was asleep. Eddie and I were the only ones up, and we were talking about the trip and the pictures we took, and I mentioned the second camera.
I thought he already knew about it. The look of surprise on his face told me he didn’t.
So yes, the whole thing was my fault. The one time I shared Nikki’s secret, I ruined everything.
I asked Eddie why he did it, why he couldn’t just let Nikki be in charge. Everything was going okay, we were on our way to the roller coasters, so why did he have to help Grandpa take control?
‘Nikki’s lying,’ he said. ‘Grandpa told me he never hit Grandma.’
‘He did hit her. Why else would Nikki do all of this?’
‘Because she’s a psycho.’
Not true. Nikki had told me everything about Grandpa, all the details, and I knew it was true. If Nikki had been lying, she would have told me she was. Just like she did about the pictures of Portia that didn’t exist.
‘No,’ I said to Eddie. ‘That can’t be why you did it.’
He looked at me, almost surprised that I was arguing with him. ‘You don’t believe me?’
‘No.’
He smiled and shrugged.
I should’ve known what he’d say.
‘Because I could.’
Now here we are again, the same place, the same long drive, and Eddie is ordering people around like he’s in control of everything. That’s how it sounds, especially when he pulls up to the Appaloosa Inn. The motel looks as bad as it sounds, right down to the burnt-out lights in the sign and the misspelling of ‘Cabel’ TV.
‘I have to make some calls tonight,’ Eddie says. ‘You guys can all stay in the same room.’
Before anyone can say a word, he gets out and goes into the motel office.
‘Such. An. Asshole.’ Portia emphasizes that with a scoff. ‘Is he going to take us somewhere to eat?’
I glance around the street, spotting a twenty-four-hour diner. Amazing how many of them are actually left in the country, and they’re all located near motels like the Appaloosa. ‘There,’ I say.
‘Oh perfect. This is just like last time. Another shitshow.’ She gets out of the car and slams the door behind her.
Felix looks to me.
‘I’ll explain everything,’ I say.
I know I have to. I have to explain to Felix why it was a shitshow last time we were here. Why we all rushed outside last night when that van drove by. There’s probably more, but those are the biggest ones.
Our first moment alone is after eating club sandwiches at the diner. Eddie didn’t come with us, Portia left to get some sleep, so it was just Felix and me, drinking weak coffee and sharing a piece of apple pie.