It was Josh. His dark eyes were like two globes of misery, the weight of all the heartbreak in the world seemingly dimming his light. Seeing him hurt felt like a punch straight to the gut.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “It’s not that I spoke before this…” I licked my lips, looking around helplessly.
God, he didn’t deserve it. Any of this. How difficult was it to not-break a heart? I’d always been so mad at Knight for doing this to me. Maybe he hadn’t meant to, either. Maybe hearts were like carefully tended flowers. Sometimes they just wilted, no matter what you did.
Josh took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief. His hands trembled as he signed to me.
“You talk,” he said.
I nodded. I felt ashamed talking to him. Not that it was bad. Not that my breakthrough didn’t make me proud. But the fact that I’d hidden it from all of them for so long… I’d hidden a lot of things from my friends, and it was payback time.
“Since when?” he motioned, too stunned to show any negative or positive emotion.
“Since…a few weeks ago.”
He shook his head, without saying anything.
“How?” he asked.
I was about to lose the boy I loved, so I threw my fears and phobias off a cliff, was what I would have said, but I knew my honesty would rip him to shreds.
“Family crisis,” I answered.
The tears blinded me. Somehow, I could still see the melted figures of my friends through them, looking like clouds through a rain-stained window. April stood next to Ryan, and now they both faced me. Josh was starting to retreat, walking backward out of the club, out of my life.
Then he stopped. Smiled. It looked genuine. I could tell, even in the darkness of the club.
“Good for you.”
I couldn’t even form a response.
“I wish I’d known earlier.”
I didn’t know if he meant about loving Knight, or about my talking.
“I lost the ability to speak freely when I was a baby,” I tried to explain to them, even though they looked more hurt about my lashing out at April and hiding a secret from them than anything else. “It’s not like I ever spoke in public or…”
I stopped, clamping my mouth shut on the lie. I’d spoken at the New Year’s party Daria dragged me to. I was changing. I could no longer afford the comfort of being quiet and different. People were done cutting me slack.
I squeezed my eyes shut to rid myself of the tears so I could see Josh better. He signed again.
“You should go back to Knight. To California.”
He wasn’t mean. He was truthful. He knew it was something in California that had caused my breakthrough. Or so he thought. But if I hadn’t known them—April, Ryan, and Josh—I would never have stood up to Knight. Maybe I wouldn’t have had my breakthrough. Who knows.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I told him.
“I know.”
“I don’t want anything to change,” I almost begged.
April was the one to answer.
“Luna, we always wanted you to win. We just didn’t know we weren’t on your team.”
Before I slipped out of the club, Ryan clutched my arm in a bruising grip.
“We thought you were different, not just another rich, spoiled, holier-than-thou Todos Santos bitch. Turns out, you’re exactly like the stigma. Self-absorbed, beautiful, and a liar. It’s over for you, Rexroth. Boon’s over for you.”
“Ryan!” April jerked him away, pushing him back.
“Ryan’s wrong about you, but not about Boon. Go to Knight,” Josh signed. “You’re his. You belong there. With him.”
He was right.
He was right, and Knight was here. At Boon.
I planted a soft kiss on Josh’s cheek, then my legs carried me outside on autopilot. I tumbled over a stair, righted myself against the wall, and lurched forward, like there was an invisible line, pulling me.
I didn’t want to waste any time calling an Uber. I started for the water tower, tears stinging my eyes.
I was going to tell Knight I wanted everything.
Every single drop of him. No Poppy. No Arabella. No clingy girls he threw crumbs of attention to. I wanted to devour every single bite of the Knight Cole cake, and I wasn’t going to settle for less.
The water tower was across Boon’s football field. I jogged through the dewy grass, flinging myself over the tower’s ladder, not even bothering to check the time. How late was I? An hour? Probably more. Maybe he wasn’t even here anymore.
With every trembling move of my feet, my hands choking the cold, rusty metal bars, I became more aware of the abyss beneath me. The water tower was three stories tall. I could fall. But instead of fear, I was filled with determination.
No, this was like the treehouse.
That’s what we did.
We met high. In the sky.
Above everything.
And everyone.
I climbed up with careful precision and slid through the white metal bannisters surrounding the water tank. The surface beneath me was all rusty metal, cold and damp. I flung myself over the railing, out of breath. Panting. I closed my eyes, too chicken to see if he was still here. Silence cocooned me. I exhaled a shaky breath.