Lila Kate and even my own sister-in-law seemed like fools to me now. I hadn’t known Eli when both of them hadn’t returned his love. My mother would say that the heart sees the one it was meant to love differently than any other. That couldn’t be what was happening here because this was a one-sided love. My loving Eli didn’t guarantee he’d ever feel the same for me.
Jealousy began to slowly take hold when I thought of how Lila Kate had talked about Eli’s deep love for Bliss. How he’d never get over her. How he’d loved her his whole life. Was I really going to lie here and hate the woman that made my brother happy because of Eli? I was going mental. Did love make you go mental? Was it possible that Eli was the one my heart was supposed to love and that in time he’d feel the same way? My chest felt lighter at that possibility.
I had to talk to someone. I needed guidance and help understanding this and what I was feeling. It scared me. I wanted to kiss him until he woke up and we were joined again. Making love. I wanted to tell him I loved him . . . and then he’d most likely leave and never come back. That would send him running just like those words had sent me running from men in the past.
Karma . . . this could be karma. Had it finally decided I needed a swift kick in the ass? I muffled a groan in my pillow.
Crazy. I was going crazy. Or was this normal? Is this why men said women were crazy? Did love make women crazy? There was a song about it . . .”Beautiful Crazy” or something like that. Which a man had written so there was hope I could be loved back even with all this craziness I was feeling.
Eli sighed in his sleep and shifted then rolled over onto his back. He moved his arm from around me and laid it over his head to rest on the pillow. The blanket fell down enough so that now I was given the glorious view of his tattooed chest and neck. I wanted to kiss it all. Ask him about each one. Find out what they meant.
My enjoyment instantly vanished as the question hit me . . . was one of the tattoos for Bliss? The girl who had been given his heart and didn’t want it? I felt sick. An all over sick. I hated that idea. I wanted to erase it from my head. Why was I torturing myself like this? There was no reason for it. I had to get a grip.
I knew who I could talk to. The person who would have the answers. She would be able to tell me if I needed to seek professional help. The one woman I knew loved a man with every fiber of her being and had my entire life and before my birth.
My momma. She knew all about love. Finding the one your heart belongs to. Often, I saw married women unhappy or look at their husbands with distaste. I saw their eyes wander to see the grass on the other side of the fence. But never once had I seen my momma do that. When she looked at my dad, it was such a pure look of love and respect it gave me hope in happily ever after.
Their love wasn’t one-sided. I wasn’t sure if it had ever been. What I did know was my dad adored the ground my mother walked on and there was no equal to her. Even growing up, we knew our father loved us, he would die for us, we were his children and we never questioned his devotion. However, he also made it clear that our mother was his one. His other half. Once Phoenix had been angry at Momma and claimed to hate her. She often said hurtful things around the ages of fourteen to seventeen.
Dad had moved quickly. One minute we’d all been sitting around the kitchen table while Phoenix and Momma had a heated argument about one of the bad decisions my sister had made. Then my dad was in her face, taking her arm and standing her up from the seat. Although I wasn’t scared for her because Dad had never once laid a hand on us, I was startled by his reaction. His words still rang clear in my memory.
“That woman is your mother, she carried you, gave birth to you, loved you from the moment she knew of your existence, lost sleep caring for you, and would die for you if asked. But not only that, she is mine. She is what completes me. And I won’t allow ANYONE to speak to her that way. Including our children. Because without her, there would be no you. Do I make myself clear?”