I don’t want to leave.
But I can’t have all my freedom stripped away. I didn’t sign up for being ruled by the men of the Clan. I didn’t.
I want so desperately to have my own way, but at the same time, a sense of longing and loss beg me to stay.
No. If I stay, that bear of a man will boss me around. Nope. No. Not happening.
If I stay, I’ll never leave.
They won’t even let me teach! And who even am I if I’m not teaching?
I’m not a failure. I will not let myself down. Not now. Not ever.
So when I get to the gate, I smile and say, “It’s time for me to go home, now, please.”
The guard at the gate gives me a quizzical look. “On foot, lass?”
Does he see a damn chariot? I keep myself calm with effort. “Aye.”
He blinks. “Am I allowed to let you go? I won’t get in trouble with the chief, will I?”
“Of course not,” I say, hoping I sound convincing. “Call him yourself.”
My heartbeat races. What will Keenan say if they do talk to each other? God, I suck at a getaway. I tried to master the art of making my own decisions and walking away, but so far I’ve earned nothing of the sort.
Nothing but grief and misery.
The guard speaks into his phone, and a moment later, to my shock, pushes a button and the gates swing open.
“All set?” I ask, with false confidence.
“Aye,” he says. “You may go. Best of luck to you.”
I walk away, a distinct feeling in my gut telling me I just walked away from the best chance I’ve ever had.
* * *
Chapter 5
Tully
“Let her go.” Keenan stands at the top of the steps outside the mansion, watching the gate swing open.
I look over my shoulder at him, holding my arm and trying not to let on how much fucking pain I’m in.
“How can I let her fucking go? Is that what you’d have done?”
He frowns, stroking his chin. “If we had reason to keep her as we have in the past, I’d give another instruction.”
“Reason to keep her” being she’d been witness or party to our enemies.
“We’ve nothing but her own safety to worry about.”
“That’s it?” I ask, my temper flaring.
He has the right to make me keep myself in check, but he only nods, letting me fume.
“I’ve got a guard on her, Tully. She won’t be harmed.”
“I’ll put a motherfucking guard on her,” I say, heading down the stairs to where we keep the Clan cars.
“You won’t, Tully,” Keenan says quietly. I look up at him in shock. He won’t let me go after her?
“What do you mean?”
“First, you’re injured,” he says, pointing back at the house. “You need to rest. We’re on the cusp of battle, brother, and we have to be mindful of that. I won’t have a soldier sidelined because he chased a lass.”
I open my mouth to protest, but realize I’m too close to cussing him out, and that’s unconscionable with the Clan chief.
“Second,” he continues. “I’ve got a solid guard on her so no one will hurt her.”
“But I —”
He holds up a hand. “Third.”
I blow out a sigh and listen. “She’ll be more loyal if it’s her choice. You could bring her back here, kicking and screaming. I’d even allow it. I could make her wed you and make her yours. But a woman like her…” his voice trails off as he looks to the gates that just closed behind her. “She’s fiery as hell, Tully. You want her to make the decision on her own. I’ve seen men of the Clan wed women against their will, and there were times they overcame it.”
He’s right. I think of Cormac and Aileen, an arranged marriage. Even Caitlin and Keenan, and Maeve and the late Seamus McCarthy were forced to be wed. And they made it work.
He shakes his head. “She’s isn’t the type of woman who’d ever forgive you for it, Tully. And you could break her…” His voice trails off. “You could make her yours and make her even respect you as her husband.” He shakes his head. “But she’d never fully be yours.”
I want to run after her. I want to grab her by the fucking hair and drag her back, put her behind metal bars so no one can get her, and she can’t get out. I want to fuck her raw in front of everyone so they know, everyone fucking knows, she’s mine.
Up until today, I let our “on again, off again” relationship slide. Hell, I maybe even instigated it. I told myself I didn’t need a woman, and I sure as fuck didn’t need to claim anyone. But the knowledge that she’s out there… without my protection… with a mark on her…
Bloody fucking hell.
One day passes with no communication from McKenna. Keenan swears he’s got a guard on her.