My body began to shake with anxious energy. I was still very concerned about the others, but we hadn’t heard from them and I assumed that meant nothing was terribly wrong. I hoped I was making the right decision to get Luke alone and away from the diner.
If I could help Luke, wouldn’t that help the team?
A DATE WITH LUKE
When Luke got off the phone, he shooed me back toward the car.
He turned the key and the car roared to life. “I wish we had someone else’s car. Kota’s is such a clunker.”
He started off driving without his seatbelt. It bugged me but I waited for as long as I could, before Kota was in my head telling me to say something. “Luke?” I said, wanting to be delicate.
“I have this place in mind,” he said. “Hang on, I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”
I leaned over to check his speed. “Are we in a hurry?”
“I want to stop by and grab some food,” he said. “Don’t make me tell you—it’s a surprise.”
I was glad he seemed so upbeat. There was a new excitement in him, as he sat straight, eyes wide, both hands on the wheel. “Don’t forget your seatbelt,” I said.
He looked down quickly, like he didn’t believe it wasn’t on. “Whoops,” he said, slowing down as he pulled the seatbelt over and clicked it into place. “You sound just like Kota.”
I giggled. “My voice doesn’t sound like his.”
“I mean the way you make it sound nice. You’re just reminding me. You aren’t telling me off for forgetting like North does.”
I settled into my seat, my head turned to look at him. “He did seem a little harsh on you yesterday.”
“That was pretty nice for him, actually,” he said. He brushed a hand over the steering wheel, tracing his fingertips along the grooves. “He can get really mad sometimes. Or paranoid. Lately, he’s been asking where I’m going every time I move, even if I’m on the way to the bathroom. And he keeps talking about…” He paused and then his shoulders relaxed. “Sorry. I don’t mean to vent.”
“No,” I said, reaching to touch his elbow. I held onto it, encouraging.
He sighed and looked down at my hand for a moment. He shifted and grabbed my hand, tucking it between his arm and his ribs, hugging it a little as he resumed driving. “I need a third hand, I think.”
I was a bit uncomfortable with my arm stretched out, but I left it there, happy that he was open to being touched. “I’ve missed you,” I said, and then blushed hotly, even though it was true. I hadn’t seen him or been around him like this in a while.
The smile on his lips broadened, and he tightened his arm against his body, squeezing at my hand. “I could tell yesterday. You don’t usually call me.”
I looked at the dashboard, trying to work up some courage. Mr. Blackbourne had once said that to get the guys on my side, I had to be completely honest. It had become easier to talk to Gabriel about nearly everything. I was working to get that way with North, and the others as well.
It was time to spill my thoughts as honestly as I could to Luke.
“I’m not used to all the attention,” I said quietly. Tears teased my eyes but I tried to make them go away and be brave. “My parents never wanted to hear what I had to say.”
“They’re gone, Sang,” he said gently. He released my hand and sat up a little in his seat. His turned to me. “You don’t have to be like that anymore.”
“I know,” I said, trying to smile, even thought my lower lip trembled. “And then there’s trying to figure out my place in the group. With school and where I had to hide from Mr. McCoy and with everyone following us. And now worrying about everything that’s happening…” I pressed my lips together and then put my fingers over my mouth, taking a moment to calm myself. “Sorry,” I said through my fingers. “It’s hard to explain.”
“I understand,” he said with a soft smile. “I’m a little nervous, too, now that it seems like stuff is going down. And we’re not even there.”
“No,” I said, feeling like I hadn’t explained what I needed to at all and wanting to make my point before I got too distracted talking about what was going on. “I mean, I was just trying to say that I’d been thinking of you and wanted us to spend time together. I don’t want you to think I wasn’t thinking of you.”
There was a long silence between us. “Are you okay?” he asked, slowing the car and looking over at me every few seconds.
I hesitated but then asked, “What do you mean?”
“You don’t usually talk like this.”
“We…aren’t…alone a lot?” I said.
“You’re usually so quiet,” he said. Then he smiled and refocused on the road. “Sang, you sit in the group and we all talk around you. Maybe I’m just not used to hearing your voice so much. You get in a good couple of sentences, but never a lot.”
“Sorry.”
He glanced over at me. “No, no. Don’t be sorry. You should talk more. I never hear your voice much but I love it.”
“Oh,” I said quietly, my heart fluttering. “Luke…” I searched for something to say.
“Oh no, I broke it,” he said with a chuckle. He reached out, poking me in the ribs. “Come on. Start again. You were talking about…uh…how you weren’t really close with your parents? And then it’s been hard to adjust? Tell me what it was like before us.” He took back his hand and put it back on the wheel. “Tell me what you did all day back then.”
I started out slowly, trying to explain to him what life had been like before the boys. It wasn’t always punishments like he’d known. There was loads of time where I never even saw my mother, or even my father or sister. I went to school, worked on schoolwork at home, read books to pass the time, took walks.
I told him all this, and then he started shaking his head. “What about when you weren’t doing anything?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“You spent a lot of time just hanging about, right?”
“Yes.”
“What did you think about?”
I paused. “I don’t know… Lots of things.”
“Like the future?” he asked. “What it would be like to get away?”
“Kind of,” I said, nervous to tell him about my old daydreams. “Honestly…it’s silly.”
“No. Don’t stop. Say it.”
I remembered what Mr. Blackbourne had said about being honest—this was probably the kind of thing he’d been talking about. “I used to think about…one day going to school and not feeling so shy. That I could walk up and just talk to someone like it w
as no big deal.”
“You wanted friends?” Luke said in a quieter voice. “That’s all?”
I blushed, feeling silly, but went on. “I spent a lot of time alone, even at school. No one sat next to me at lunch. At recess, I would sit and watch everyone else playing. I’d sit on the swing alone…or by the time I got to middle school, I’d go to the library and avoid being around anyone.”
“Aw…Sang,” Luke said. He sighed and shook his head. “Hang on. We’re almost there.”
I’d been concentrating so hard on what to say to him, that I hadn’t watched where we were going and was surprised to find us pulling off the interstate and in an area I wasn’t familiar with.
“Now we just have to find a place to park,” he said, pulling onto a road with a little traffic. “I hope it isn’t too busy. Shouldn’t be on a Monday.”
We drove on about another mile before he pulled the car into a strip mall. A few of the shops were empty, but there was still a bar, an Army recruiting station, a Chinese takeout place, and a gym, so there were still people going back and forth, mostly to the bar and gym.
I was worried we might have been followed by Mr. Hendricks and his team. Luke didn’t appear fazed though and parked the car. He got out, hurrying around to open my door. “Can’t forget to do this part,” he said with a smile.
I got out and he closed the door behind me. The light jacket and thin skirt weren’t enough to keep out the chill. I dipped my hands into the pockets of the jacket and held on tight to myself.
“Cold?” he asked, taking me by the elbow, guiding me beside him.
I shrugged, not wanting to worry him. “I’ll live.”
“Just wait until we get to the house,” he said. He looked up to the sky. “Looks like it might rain.”
I didn’t see any rain clouds, just some white puffs high up in the sky. We weaved through cars and headed toward the shops. He crossed his arms over his chest, over the T-shirt he wore, like he was cold, too.