My tongue suddenly glued itself to the top of my mouth. We were alone?
I stared at Kota, wearing his faux school uniform. The maroon tie was still neatly tied at his neck and the dark blue jacket was buttoned properly. I tried to focus on them as it felt easier, because his eyes had a way of making me feel he could see into my thoughts. I didn’t want him to know I was nervous.
He bent at the hip to meet my face and catch my attention. His smile softened. “Something wrong?”
I shook my head, trying to force a smile. I didn’t want to tell him the truth. My heart raced just thinking about it. Despite all we’d been through together, being around the boys was what I enjoyed the most, but being alone with one of them terrified me. I was excited by the idea, but he was afraid he’d discover that I’m just ... me?
Kota bent over, scooped up our bags with one hand, and with the other he nudged me toward the living room. “Why don’t we sit downstairs today?”
That sounded good to me.
He dropped our bags on the floor by the coffee table and sat back in the corner of the couch, putting an arm up on the armrest. He patted the spot next to him.
I settled onto the couch, with my feet flat on the floor, and my hands positioned in my lap. For a moment, I sat straight as an arrow, until I realized he probably would think I didn’t like him, or something was wrong. I forced myself to sit back, until his arm was grazing my shoulders. His fingers stretched out and folded over my collarbone, welcoming me to lean into him.
I breathed in deeply to try to remain calm. The scent of his sweet spice cologne awoke so many memories all at once – even the first time we met.
That’s when it struck me. Our lives had been in such a fast forward state for weeks. Mr. Blackbourne’s orders had forced us to completely stop. With nothing before me now but several days of free time, I felt like we were starting at the beginning. Who was Kota Lee when he wasn’t leader of the Academy group? What was he like when we weren’t fighting or working, which was usually all the time?
“Well?” he asked quietly, his fingers brushing softly against my shoulder. “Any homework tonight? Do we want to get that out of the way?”
I wanted to say yes. It was brilliant of him to think of it. I yearned for something to distract us and homework seemed perfect. It would at least give me something to focus on until I got more comfortable being alone with him.
But I didn’t have any tonight. I’d caught up at lunch time like we normally did, and my afternoon classes didn’t have any. “Did you have some?” I asked in a small voice, hoping.
His eyebrows scrunched together as he thought for a moment. “Actually, I don’t think I do,” he said. A smile caught in the corner of his mouth. “I’d say study, but maybe we should skip it.”
“Skip it?” Was this really the same Kota that asked me about homework and studying every single day?
He scanned the room. He got up, fished the television remote from the entertainment center, and sat back down again. “What do you like to watch?”
I didn’t have a clue. I hadn’t watched any sort of TV program in weeks. I had no idea what was currently running. My finger fluttered up toward my lips. “I don’t know.”
His gaze followed my finger. There was a slight dip in the corner of his mouth, but he corrected it quickly. He rotated the remote in his hand, as if reconsidering. “How about a game?” he asked.
I perked up at this. A game! That was perfect. Plenty of distraction. Why I needed something to distract me from him, I didn’t know. Deep inside, I wondered what would really happen if he had to focus on me, but I was too scared to find out. “Okay.”
He smiled, and got up again to find the Xbox controllers. He stopped halfway back, looking down at me on the couch with his eyebrows scrunched again.
“What?” I asked. I expecting him to pick up his phone and find some Academy business he needed to get to.
He strolled forward again, and placed the controllers in my lap. “Find a game you want to play,” he said. “I’ll be right back.” He dashed around the couch, back toward the hallway. A second later, I heard his footsteps on the stairs going up to his room.
He didn’t pick up his phone, so I guessed it wasn’t Academy work. I got up, crossed the room, and knelt in front of the television, gazing at the collection of video games. He had a lot, mostly single player games. I didn’t want to play alone. Did Kota play games by himself when no one else was around? I checked the titles. A lot of them were role playing, with swords and bows and arrows. So he liked fantasy games?
As I searched for something that was two–player, Kota returned, hauling one of the large blue bean bag chairs across the living room. He dropped it in front of the couch, and turned it over until it was sitting upright. “Thought this might be more comfortable,” he said.
Just one? I turned from him, appearing interested in the games in order to hide my excited smile.
“Did you find one?” he asked.
“Which one is the car racing one?” I asked. I couldn’t find another one that was two-player.
He came closer, hovering over me. He reached around my shoulder, plucking one of the games from the shelf. “Go sit. I’ll put it in.”
I grabbed the controllers, taking them with me to the bean bag chair. I settled in. I still had my shoes on so I kept my feet on the floor. The cool of the chair material met my thighs in the short gym uniform shorts. I zipped the hoodie up a bit to keep the warmth in.
Kota inserted the disc and stood by to make sure the game started up properly. He left the game case on the shelf, and returned, dropping down heavily into the beanbag chair next to me. I tilted sideways and the controllers fell from my hands. I splayed a hand over his chest to catch myself before I tumbled along with them.
Kota laughed, sitting up a little and inching himself over to give me more room. “I’m still not used to these things.”
I smiled a little, pressing on him to sit up again. My knees knocked into him. He hooked an arm under my thighs, dragging me around until my legs nestled over his.
“You can take your shoes off if that’s more comfortable,” he said. He checked with me to see if I wanted to. I nodded. He eased the heels of my shoes off my feet and tucked them away on the other side of the bean bag chair, along with my socks.
I wanted to press my palm against my nervous heart. We were cuddling so close. I wasn’t sure I could concentrate on a game, or anything else for that matter. My shorts were up higher along my thighs since we were sitting awkwardly in the bean bag chair. Warmth from his thighs meeting mine, and his side and chest – I felt every little breath he made, every movement.
Kota started up the game, picked a short rac
e, and turned on my controller for me. When the race started, it took me a couple of moments to figure out the buttons.
“Come on slowpoke,” Kota said, nudging me in the thigh. His car slowed until it was crawling beside mine.
It had been a few weeks since I’d played this game with them so it took time to get re-familiar with how it worked. I tapped at the speed button, and tried collecting turbo bonuses. I managed to catch up with the last of the computer-controlled racers, and Kota’s car remained parallel with mine.
I didn’t understand what he was doing. I knew he could play better than this. He didn’t use a speed bonus unless I did. I wanted to look over at him, but I found myself still shy and wasn’t sure about looking at those questioning eyes.
A sharp left turn appeared in the game. My car swerved, knocking against another car. It flipped over, crashing.
Kota stopped his car, waiting while mine was game-magically transported into position.
“Why’d you do that?” I asked.
He leaned his arm against mine. “Do what?”
“Why’d you stop?”
“I was waiting for you.”
Waiting for me. He said it casually like blessing me after a sneeze. It still didn’t feel right, though.
He’d done something similar once when we played together before. He managed to stick right behind me until we got really close to the finish line, before he zoomed around me and took off and won.
When our cars managed to get close to the finish line this time, he slowed his car until his was behind mine. I crossed before his. Kota took last place.
I turned on him, using my elbow into the back of the bean bag chair to prop myself up. “Did you just lose on purpose?”
Kota smirked. “You were going slowly. I was giving you a chance.”
“I’m not used to this game.” I studied his face but his eyes were telling me things I wasn’t sure about. “You’re letting me beat you?”
Kota’s eyes shifted until he was staring down the screen. “What’s the big deal? I just wanted you to...”
“Nu-uh,” I said. “Don’t play like that.”
Kota’s eyebrows shifted up. “Like what?”