That didn’t sound fair. Wouldn’t he be mad at me?
“Get to it, Sang,” Kota said. “He’ll be late for work.”
I grumbled, slipping off of the counter. I opted for waking up Silas first.
I tiptoed back into Nathan’s bedroom. Silas had turned over in the bed to face the wall, with a couple of blankets covering his body. I crawled over the bed on my knees. I put my hands on his arm, shaking. “Silas?”
He grumbled, tucking further into himself.
I had to smile. It wasn’t often that I was the first one up and had to wake them. “Silas?” I called, a little more sing-songy.
“Aggele mou,” he half-sung back.
“Ready for breakfast?”
“Not really.” He sniffed, flopping over onto his other side to face me. “Hey,” he said in a quiet voice. “I’m sorry about last night.”
I blinked at him. “Why? North drinking from my cup and all that wasn’t your fault.”
“Not that,” he said. He sighed. “I mean, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to turn you into a trophy.”
My lips parted. “Silas ...”
“North was right.” He sat up, shoving his palm at his eye to rub away the sleep. “I wasn’t thinking. I thought it would be fun. I thought if you stayed with me all night, some of those rumors would calm down.”
“What do you mean? What rumors?”
He frowned. “It’s in the notes you get. The ones North takes from you.”
“I thought we weren't reading them.”
“North reads them,” he said. “He reads all of them.”
My eyes widened. “Why would he do that?”
Silas smirked at me. “To make sure they aren’t going to eat your liver,” he quipped, quoting something I had joked about when North first started intercepting notes for me.
I shook my head, waving my hand dismissively in the air. Even when I didn’t know it or wasn’t thinking about it, North and the others still looked out for me. In the moment, I really didn’t care what anyone else thought of me or why. The guys were what mattered. Victor was right. Worry about those who matter. “You meant well,” I said. “You were doing what you thought you should do. Don’t be sorry about it.”
Silas pursed his lips. “It’s not the only reason why,” he said. He turned in the bed, putting his feet on the floor, standing and stretching. “It was kind of fun thinking of you as my girlfriend for the night.”
This sent a river of sparks shooting through my spine. “Silas ...”
He beamed after me. “Next time I ask you out, I promise, no parties.”
Silas followed me out to the kitchen. My mind was barely able to tolerate the idea of being sent in to wake up North.
Nathan handed me a pocket knife, the blade open. “Be careful with this. It’s sharp. Don’t cut yourself.”
“Or North.”
Nathan smirked. “If you accidentally cut North, I’d call it karma.”
I chuffed at him. How could he say that?
“I’m kidding!” He held up his hands. “Don’t give me that look. I didn’t mean it.”
I rolled my eyes, padding my way across the house toward the second bedroom.
I knocked this time, unsure I liked the idea of entering alone. The last time I saw North, he was so wild and saying such bad things. I half expected him to be super angry and still in the same state.
When I peeked in through the crack in the door, North was on his side in the bed, facing the opposite wall. His arms were still tied behind his back. His hands looked puffy.
“North?” I called softly.
“Hm?” North murmured, not moving.
“Can I come in?”
“I’m not stopping you.”
This didn’t exactly sound like an invitation. Were the guys sure I should be doing this?
I opened the door, leaving it slightly ajar just in case I had to call in the others for help. I tiptoed near the bed, gazing down at North.
“Are you okay?” I asked him quietly.
He shook his tied arms at my direction. “Do you mind?”
I supposed it was safe enough. He wasn’t cursing. I used the knife Nathan had given me, being extra careful to aim it away from North so I wouldn’t cut him.
When the zip tie snapped free, North yanked his arms, rolling onto his back and pushing his hands above his head, flexing and making fists. His eyes looked blurred, but not with the same crazy expression, just tired. “Sang,” he said.
“North.”
He grunted. There were indentions on his wrists and spots where the skin had rubbed raw. “Now I know how you felt tied to that damn stool. Almost.” He sucked in a deep breath. “At least you didn’t put me in the shower.”
“Why would I do that?”
He put his arms down, sitting up slowly and turning on the bed to put his feet on the floor. “You probably should have,” he said, gazing at his bare feet. He must have kicked off his socks and shoes during the night. “I deserved it.”
I released a breath, wanting to reach out to him but I wasn’t sure how or if he wanted me to. “Don’t say that, North.”
He turned his head from me, avoiding my eyes. “I said some really bad things.”
“You didn’t mean it,” I said. “You were drugged. It was the ...”
“It was the drugs that made me say it out loud,” he said, his head lifting, and his eyes finally meeting mine, shining with sorrow and an anger bubbling somewhere deep inside. “It wasn’t the drugs that made me think them.”
I tried to recall exactly what he had said the night before. I was doing what Nathan had said and tried to not pay attention to it so I didn’t give it any credence. “It wasn’t what you said. It was how you were saying it. But none of it was your fault.”
His eyes narrowed at me. “Will you stop softening this?”
I blinked at him. “What do you mean?”
“Why aren’t you angry? Why aren’t you yelling at me?”
My lips parted. “I didn’t know I was supposed to.”
He chuffed, shaking his head. He fell onto his bac
k on the bed. The black T-shirt rode up his stomach, revealing his dark trail that lead to his belly button and the definition in his abs, temporarily distracting me. He pressed his hands to his eyes. “I didn’t mean to do that to you in the car. I mean I wanted to, but I knew I shouldn’t. I couldn’t stop myself.”
“North ...”
“Will you let me finish, please?”
I flinched, taking a step back. A finger fluttered up to my mouth. “Okay.”
“You should have pushed me off,” he said. “I was about to ... I mean I was going to ...” He sat up. His voice strained. “Why didn’t you tell me to stop?”
I couldn’t stand this anymore. He was beating himself up over something he couldn’t control.
I stepped forward again, closing the gap between us. He sensed my approach, sitting up higher, surprise and anger simmering together under the surface. He opened his mouth again with what I was sure was some more self-pity and desire for me to be angry and hurt him. I didn’t have any of that in me.
I dropped my fingers from my mouth, bringing them to his lips. It was his turn to flinch, but I didn’t give him a chance to respond.
I closed my eyes and planted a kiss on my fingers.
I drew back, opening my eyes. His eyes fluttered open, locking with mine. It was all the courage inside me could give to him. I didn’t know what else to say or do.
His hands gripped my arms. He drew me to sit in his lap facing him. My knees found the bed on either side of his hips.
He pushed my hand back to his mouth, kissing the fingertips. His lips slipped down to my palm. Sparks sailed from his mouth to my hand, and fluttered into my heart. I clutched at his chest, feeling unbalanced on his lap but I wasn’t willing to move. I wanted to be there with him. North, the fierce, ever vigilant watchman.
“Sang Baby,” he murmured against my palm. He kissed it and sighed heavily. “God, don’t hate me.”
I broke. I pulled my hand away from his mouth and slipped my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. His big hands closed in on my back, pressing me to his body. His lips buried into my hair.
“Do you still like me?” I whispered.
His mouth twisted into a smile against my head. “Yes. Do you still like me?”