Nathan grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “They probably have to go. They’re under orders to try to fit in with the football team. They want to get those kids to trust them.”
My heart sunk. So it wasn’t really even fun Silas was thinking about. He had to work and was asking if I’d tag along. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “Should I tell him I can’t go?”
“The question is, do you want to go?” Kota asked. “Is being in a drunken mess with a bunch of teenagers where you want to be Friday night?”
When he put it like that, I didn’t. Outside of Silas and North, I’d be around a group of strangers. But I didn’t want to abandon Silas, either. “It’s not ideal, but if Silas and North have to go, maybe that’s why he asked. Is it better if I went with them and kept them company?”
“Silas and North can take care of themselves,” Kota said.
“Aw, come on, Kota,” Nathan said. “I’ll go to the football game with her if she wants. Then I’ll take her to the party with them. She can see what it’s like and if there’s a problem or if she’s uncomfortable, I’ll leave with her and Silas and North can stay. He probably was just inviting her so she had a chance to get out of the house.”
“There’s other places to take her besides something like that.”
“Then you should have asked her out before he did, huh?” Nathan snapped back.
My heart stopped. Was this about where Silas wanted to take me or about Kota preferring I go with him somewhere he wanted? “I ... I don’t have to go,” I stammered. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t want to make Kota angry with me. Why couldn’t they just tell me what they wanted?
Kota and Nathan locked their eyes on me until I cringed into my seat. This seemed to break through their dour faces.
Kota nudged the bridge of his glasses. “Sang, I’ll take you if you want.”
“I can go,” Nathan said.
It was okay now? It didn’t seem like either of them was excited about this. “We don’t ...”
“No,” Kota said, sitting back and crossing his left ankle over his right thigh, rocking his foot. “You’re right. Silas wouldn’t have asked you unless he thought it was fine. We’ll take you to the game. You can go to the party.”
I wanted to feel excited about it, but instead I felt as miserable as when he told me I shouldn’t go. I forced a smile. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought. Maybe we’d have fun.
Still, I couldn’t get rid of the pit of fear in my stomach. This was more complicated than having a nice evening at a football game.
???
Nathan followed me home that night. Since his dad was never around, he spent the night more often than the others because he wasn’t missed. We stopped by his house so he could collect fresh clothes for tomorrow and check the house.
That evening, after I’d changed into shorts and a tank top to sleep in, he stood by the light until I climbed into bed. He flicked the light off and joined me. If anyone at school knew about this, they’d probably assume a lot about our relationship. Teenagers don’t normally sleep together like this. I knew that.
For us, though, it’d evolved from almost a necessity from when my parents were there to something we just did. I probably should have told him he could go home and not worry about me, but I didn’t really want to, and he never brought it up.
Nathan slipped under the covers with me, opening his arm up. I slipped in next to him, pressing my back to his chest. It was the most comfortable way to sleep next to him. When the others slept over, we were usually back to back. Occasionally they threw an arm over mine or a foot ended up on my ankle. Nathan and I evolved from that somehow to me backed up into his arms and it felt too weird to sleep any other way.
Nathan’s breath fell onto my neck. I pressed my finger to my mouth. Despite having done this a few times, it still made me nervous at first until he fell asleep. He was handsome. They all were. What would happen when some girl was interested in dating him and he had to stop this? Another girl wouldn’t understand why he slept next to me. I’d worry about Victor or Kota or North wondering about us sleeping in the same bed, but they all did it, too, and often knew when Nathan was here.
Although I wasn’t too sure if they knew how we slept wrapped up together.
His fingers found my elbow, and traced up my forearm to where my fingers touched my lip. He curled his fingers over mine, closing my fist and pulling my hand away. “Don’t do that,” he murmured against my hair.
“Why?”
“I can’t stand it.”
“It’s dark. You couldn’t see it.”
He huffed. “You stiffened. You put your finger in your mouth when you’re nervous. Stop being nervous around me.”
“I don’t put it in my mouth,” I said, afraid to even address the other part.
“You do it all the time.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Oh yeah?” He brought his fingers to my lips, poking at my mouth. “Teacher asks you a question.” He poked at my lips. “Mr. Blackbourne says your name.” Poke. “Class is dismissed and you have to walk with me to the next one.” Poke. “I ask you what you want for dinner.”
This time before he could poke me, I opened my mouth. When his finger slipped between my teeth, I bit down gently. I didn’t want to hurt him. I was annoyed that he was right and didn’t want to admit it so I was deflecting.
“Hey,” he called, yanking his finger out of my mouth. “No biting.”
“You put your finger in my mouth. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
He chuckled next to me. “Do I taste good?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t get a chance to taste.”
He harrumphed, sticking his fingers against my lips again.
I parted my teeth and he slipped a forefinger inside. I bit down, wrapping my lips around his finger up to his knuckle and gently chewed. “Tasty,” I said around his finger in my mouth.
Nathan started laughing, his body shaking behind me. He prodded my mouth with another finger and I chewed on that one. “What’s it taste like?”
I mumbled that he tasted funny. Really, it was salty.
“What?”
“Funny,” I said louder around his fingers, but with the mumbling it sounded more like honey.
“Honey?” he asked. He started laughing. “Now you’re being nice.”
I snickered, chewing on his fingers still. It was weird, like chewing on the end of a pen. Once you started, it felt comfortable.
“What do you taste like?” he asked.
I moved the hand that had been at my mouth behind me, shoving toward his face. His lips wrapped around my forefinger and he bit down, a relaxed grazing.
A strong shiver swept over my spine, enough to get me to open my mouth as I worried I’d bite harder than I thought I should. When he stuck his finger in my mouth, it didn’t bug me at all. Feeling his lips against my skin, and the scratch of his teeth, it sent my heart into a spin and I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t sure if I should feel that way about it. After all, I’d been chewing on his fingers and he didn’t seem rattled like I did now.
“Mmm,” Nathan said around my fingers. His molars slipped back and forth against my forefinger.
I swallowed to find my voice, trying to sound amused like he’d been earlier. To me, though, I sounded different. Dryer. Huskier. “What’s it taste like?”
He collected my hand to pull my finger out of his mouth. “Peanuts.”
I laughed, breaking the shock I’d felt. “Bad?”
“No,” he said, and he popped my finger into his mouth again. “I like it. Peanut tastes like peanuts.”
“So I have to call you Honey, now?”
“Yup,” he said, chewing.
I giggled. His finger traced at my lips and I absentmindedly opened my mouth. His finger touched my tongue and I bit down, pushing his finger to the side of my mouth so I could chew on it.
But as he chewed on my finger, the spinning my
heart was doing wasn’t fading. The more he did it, the more I wondered if this was almost like he was kissing my finger. Was he thinking the same thing? Did this mean he liked me more than just a friend?
“Sang,” he mumbled, his tone so much softer than before.
My heart thundered. “Hm?”
“Maybe this weekend you can sleep over at my house. Like after the party and maybe Saturday night, too. If you want.”
I didn’t have a reason to say no. We were sleeping in the same bed, now. What did it matter where we slept? Maybe it did matter or he wouldn’t have asked. I sensed it in the way he asked. This was something more personal. My mind was blank at what I was supposed to do. “Tired of pink sheets, huh?” Lame. Best I could come up with was a terrible joke.
He laughed around my finger. “I thought maybe Silas might have a good idea. This house is depressing. And I’ve got the pool and the Xbox and all that.”
“The pool sounds like a good idea.”
He bit a little harder against my finger. “Yeah, yeah. Take advantage of me for my pool.”
I giggled around his finger. “If you say so, Honey.”
He sucked at my finger to accumulate his saliva before he pulled it out of his mouth, collecting my hand and holding it in his strong grasp. “Peanut?”