“You have changed,” he said. He dropped the towel to the floor at our feet. His arms collected me, wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me into his chest, hugging me. My breath escaped at the suddenness and my arms froze at my sides. “I think today was the first time I saw you smile without those shadows in your eyes. I knew you were different.”
“Different?” I asked.
“Special,” he said. His palm brushed against the small of my back. A soft tingling swept through my core. “You’ve got a sweet disposition. At first I was worried you were dismissive, like I said before. Now I’m wondering if it’s because you forgive and forget because of that big heart you have. You’re too good for the family you’ve been stuck with. The other guys know it, too. So we thought maybe you needed some time away from worrying about so much stuff.”
“I feel like I haven’t done much for you guys,” I said. “You all do so much for me. I don’t know how to thank you.”
He tightened the hug. “You’ve been good for us, Sang,” he said.
My hands drifted up to his back, pressing my fingertips against his muscles. “How?”
He sighed pleasantly. “We’ve been kind of listless the past few years, going through the motions without thinking.” His fingers started to rub in circles along my spine. “You woke us up somehow. I think it’s because now we’ve got something to fight for again... to fight over.”
I withdrew from the hug, gazing up at him. “Fight over?”
He smiled down at me. “It’s not a bad thing. We’re only human,” he said. “It’s good to argue once in a while. Just a little. It shows you care.” He pulled away from me, grabbing my hand. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go to sleep.”
My free hand pushed at my lower lip as I thought about what he said. He was happy they were fighting? I wasn’t sure I understood it. I wasn’t sure I wanted them to fight. I didn’t like fighting and I didn’t like to think they were angry with each other because of me. And why would they fight over me, anyway? I’ve done barely anything for them. Do families and friends fight?
Downstairs, Victor was on the couch. The others were dispersed around the room. North was sitting on top of a blanket near the end and patted the free spot between him and Silas. “Come on, Sang. I don’t think anyone will get to sleep unless you’re over here.”
“Hey,” Gabriel said. The lip gloss had disappeared from his mouth. “We’re not going to mess with her.”
“Uh huh,” North said.
I stepped over some of the guys and nearly crawled over Silas lying down on his side and plopped down on the blankets to where I was supposed to sleep. North still had his shirt off. He plumped my pillow for me as I tucked my legs under the blanket. When I was on my back, with the pillow under my head, Silas was blocking my view of the other guys. A hand dropped on my forehead and I looked up to see Victor above me. He had a sleepy smile and brushed my hair away from my face.
I wriggled in my spot, unsure of how to sleep. On one side I had Silas looking at me and the other North was there. Above me was Victor. I was going to sleep in a room full of boys. My skin tingled. Would I be able to sleep at all?
Kota turned off the light and I started giggling. I couldn’t help it. I was nervous and didn’t know another way to release the tension. It set off a few of the others. Someone snorted and we all started laughing.
North leaned over me. “See what you started?”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “It’s always the girl’s fault.”
“That’s true!” Gabriel said.
When my eyes adjusted to the dark, I caught the outline of Silas’s face. He was still on his side, looking down at me. His tongue shot out, his eyes and lips contorting as he made a face. It set me off with giggles again.
The others started laughing.
“Sang,” North grumbled.
“It was Silas!”
“Silas doesn’t giggle like that, I’m pretty sure.”
Silas’s eyes nearly glowed in the dark and I could tell he was grinning. There was no way I could sleep with him looking at me. I pulled a face at him as I flipped around and he chuckled. He moved closer to me, enough to where I could feel his breath on the back of my head. North had turned around so I could see his back and the outline of his cheek and ear.
My heart raced. My blood surged through me. My ears strained to hear any little noise of the house and of the guys. Breathing slowed around me. I sensed Silas behind me. I admired North’s back muscles and the bicep of his arm. I wondered if Victor was asleep on the couch yet but I was too nervous to check. If he was looking back at me, I knew it would be impossible to sleep thinking he might be watching.
I willed myself to keep my eyes closed and to remain still.
T he Truth about Dreams
I dreamed I was drowning.
I felt someone shaking me. No matter how strongly I wanted to open my eyes, I sank deeper. My limbs were numb, un-cooperating.
A voice spoke and in my confusion, I didn’t recognize it. “Sang Baby, wake up.”
“Ti eínai láthos?”
“I don’t know what’s wrong. It sounded like she stopped breathing.”
Shaking rattled through me but I couldn’t draw myself up out of wherever I was.
“Sweetheart. Baby. Sang. Sang!”
My eyelids fluttered, my lungs opened up. It was like I was discovering I could really breathe for the first time. My hands drifted up and landed on something soft and warm.
The world stilled and when it did, I was falling asleep again, descending back into the shadows.
“Sang!” The shaking started again.
Flashes of light swept across my brain, memories and consciousness slipped in all at once. Something’s wrong! Who’s got me? Someone has me! I needed to stop it.
My hands were on someone who had grabbed me. My heart radiated to life in a panic. My hands flexed out of instinct and my fingernails tore hard into softness.
“Fuck... shit ow.”
I was dropped and it shook me enough that my lungs opened up again and I was coughing. There was a dim lamp on somewhere, and I barely made out Kota’s living room through my sleep-blurred eyes. I rubbed at my face to clear it.
North was sitting back on his heels as he hovered above me, his arms crossed so either hand was on his forearms. His dark eyes shot questions and confusion like spitting fireballs at my face. “What the fuck?”
My poor brain couldn’t piece together what happened quickly enough. I gripped someone. That someone was North. “Oh god. Did I do that? I’m sorry,” I cried out. My body started quivering so hard that my bones rattled together. “Oh please, I’m so sorry.”
I pulled myself up to my knees, backing away from North’s intensity. I sensed someone behind me, and felt a big hand on my back, a calm warmth against my quaking. Silas.
North re-gripped at his arms. “What the hell was that about, Sang?” he shouted at me.
I didn’t know. I couldn’t think. I hurt North. I felt so bad. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
North growled, letting go of his arms. He crossed toward me on his knees, grabbing me by the elbows. I felt something warm and wet pressing to my skin and knew he must have been bleeding. “Why did you claw me?” he shouted again.
“Whoa, hey,” Silas barked at him. He hooked an arm around my waist and dragged me away from North. “Stop it.” Silas pushed me behind his back, blocking my view of North’s rage.
I started shaking again, with tears clouding my eyes so I couldn’t see. I hurt North. He was bleeding. I pressed my hands to my face to hide myself, my shame.
Someone came up next to me, wrapping arms around my waist and hugging me close. I smelled Victor’s opulent berry cologne. I pressed my head against his shoulder, my tears wetting his t-shirt. Despite the comfort, I felt so terrible, and that I didn’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“She stopped breathing and she clawed my arms. I want to know why,” Nor
th growled.
“It wasn’t her fault,” Silas said. “She didn’t mean it.”
“I know she didn’t fucking mean it,” North shouted.
“You can’t yell at her like that,” Victor said. His hand found the back of my head, his long thin fingers massaged at the base of my scalp. “Sweetie, calm down. It’s okay.”
“What’s going on?” Kota’s voice shot through the dark, full of command. Where had he been? Where was everyone else? Victor held my face so close that I couldn’t see.
“Sang clawed the shit out of me,” North shouted.
“Stop yelling,” Kota said.
North’s voice boomed, “I’m not fucking yelling. I’m asking. Fucking Sang--”
The air electrified as shouting erupted at once. Silas boomed something in Greek that I didn’t catch and North was shouting back, in what sounded like the same language.
There was quick movement next to us and Victor yanked me up until I was standing. He swept me away from where the shuffling was going on. I turned my head enough and through my tears it looked like Silas had lunged himself at North. North was on his back, with Silas pushing at his chest to keep him on the floor. North’s fist sailed and made contact with Silas’s shoulder.
“That’s it,” Kota said. He marched over to the two of them and pushed at Silas with a foot against his back. “Silas get off of him. Now. Everyone gets an hour tomorrow.”