Silas backed off of North. His fists clenched and his shoulders heaving. North growled, jumping up to his feet.
“I’ll make it two hours,” Kota said in a voice darker than I’d heard him speak before.
The room quieted. I shook, terrified, confused. What did he mean? Two hours of what?
Victor moved his hand from the back of my head to my face, pressing at my cheek with his palm. His thumb smoothed at a spot under my eye, wiping my tears away. “Shh, darling,” he cooed under his breath. “Don’t cry. God please, don’t.”
“This is what’s going to happen,” Kota said, “Sang and North upstairs. You two stay down here.”
“You can’t do that to her,” Victor said.
“Now.” Kota’s command rang out in the single syllable. There would be no compromise.
Victor grunted. Before his hands slipped away, I felt something that later I wondered if it was his lips against my forehead. I would never know for sure.
My body rattled where I stood. I crossed my arms just under my breasts, sinking into myself. I couldn’t do this. I should go home. I should stay there forever. I didn’t deserve them.
Kota hooked his arm under my legs and lifted me off the ground. I pressed my cheek to his chest, exhausted, confused, scared to death. I hadn’t meant to be such a blubbering mess but I was still a mush brain after sleeping.
I’d hurt North.
Kota marched me up to his bedroom. I heard North following behind us. I wanted to jump from Kota and run home. I couldn’t face North. He was so angry with me for clawing at him. I didn’t even have a good reason. I didn’t know why I’d done it. I had that dream, he tried waking me and for some reason I reacted so badly. No one had ever tried to wake me like that before. I didn’t know where I was or who he was. My explanation was so inexcusable. He would hate me.
Kota carried me into the bathroom. North flicked on the light. Kota set me to perch on top of the counter. “Lock the door, North,” he said.
There was a click. I focused my eyes on the chrome towel rack hanging on wall. I couldn’t face anyone. I sucked in a deep breath, but another typhoon of shaking swept over me as I sensed their eyes on me and I felt so tiny and lost and sorry all over again.
“Sang,” Kota said softly. “Stop crying.” He snatched tissues from a dispenser, bundling them and pressing them at my cheek. “Please, sweetie, stop crying.”
I swallowed, peeling my lips apart to whisper, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know that,” North said, his tone immensely softer than it had been downstairs. “Kota, let me have her for a second.”
I didn’t want this. My heart was pounding so loud and it felt like it was burning. I hiccupped on a sob.
Kota stepped back and in his place came North. North’s strong hands slipped around my body. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me in close until I was pressed up against his bare chest. My hands were between my breasts, wringing against themselves and now crushed between us. My tears touched his skin.
He dropped a hand on my scalp and his fingers smoothed against my hair. “Sang Baby,” he said, “I’m not mad, okay? I was upset because there was something wrong with you and I didn’t know what. You scared me.” His cheek pressed against the top of my head and I felt the gruffness of his unshaven face against my forehead. “I’m sorry I yelled.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again. I swallowed, and my lips nearly pressed against his chest with the way he was holding me. My hands instinctively went around his stomach, my palms pressed against his back to hug him.
He tightened the hug. “I know, Baby. I know. I forgive you. Just don’t cry, okay?”
I tried to stop, sucking in another bit of air and holding it, pulling one hand back to wipe at my face.
“What happened?” Kota said softly next to us.
“She was asleep,” North said. “One minute she was breathing and the next, it’s like she wasn’t. I waited but when I didn’t hear her catch her breath, I started shaking her to wake her up. I think I scared her.” He pulled back and brushed the hair out of my face with his rough fingers. “I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said.
I shook my head, blushing hotly and mumbling but I really wasn’t sure what to say. He did scare me, and I didn’t care. It simply felt wrong that he was apologizing for things that weren’t his fault.
“Were you dreaming?”
I blushed more and looked away from them toward the wall. “It’s nothing,” I said.
I sensed they were exchanging looks. I trembled. North’s rough finger caught under my chin and lifted my face around until I was looking at those intense brown eyes. “What did you dream about, Sang?”
My voice cracked while I was talking. “I was, um, dreaming about... I was in an alley and there were three boys chasing me. I don’t know who. They grabbed me and took me to a dock by a river and they held me under the water.” I bit my lip, recalling the angry looks of their faces. “At first I struggled, trying to get away. I was swallowing water. I was fighting to breathe and then...”
“Then what?” North asked in a quiet voice.
I wasn’t sure how to express myself here. “And then I just didn’t have to breathe more. The need was gone.” It was crazy. Being able to breathe one moment and then knowing for sure that I didn’t need to. In the dream, I was in the water and I simply was without air, without want of it.
North’s eyes intensified and his finger released me. “Holy shit.”
I closed my eyes, caressing my cheek against his chest. His hand dropped to the top of my head again, sweeping over my hair.
“Do you get nightmares often, Sang?” Kota asked.
I pushed my palm against my other cheek to hide myself. I didn’t know how to answer that question without them worrying about me more. How stupid I felt right then having nightmares the first time I slept over with them. I didn’t want to lie because they would know.
“How often do you have nightmares?” North asked. His fingers stroked over my face. He caught my hands and tugged them away so I couldn’t hide anymore. “Every night?”
I blushed. “Not every single night...”
“But often enough?”
I sighed. “Whenever I dream, I guess. Most of the time.”
He frowned. Kota was, too.
“It’s no big deal,” I said quickly. “I usually just wake myself up and I don’t even remember later. They’re just dreams.”
“When did you start having nightmares?” Kota asked.
The question caught me off-guard. I blinked,
trying to recall. “I don’t know... nine? Ten? It’s been so long...”
North muttered a series of curses and collected me in his arms again. He pressed my face to his chest, holding me by the back of the head. “God damn it, Kota.”
“It’s just dreams,” I said. “Everyone gets nightmares.”
“Not all the time,” North said. “Not like that. God, Sang. You stopped fucking breathing.”
“She might have been fine,” Kota said calmly. “You don’t know if she stopped.”
“She was breathing and then she wasn’t. I couldn’t hear her. I don’t know what else to tell you. Did you see what I had to go through to wake her up?”
“She was just in a deep sleep.”
“She shouldn’t be getting nightmares like that in the first place.”
Kota frowned. “We don’t know why...”
“There is no why,” I insisted. I pulled myself away from North and wiped at my face. “I just get them. It’s no big deal. It happens, I wake up, and I’m fine.”
“Are you always drowning in them?” Kota asked.
I sighed, flustered and leaned back until my shoulders were against the mirror. “No.”
“What happens?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m usually running, trying to get away from something.”
“Someone?”
I shook my head. “Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s a lot of people, sometimes it’s a monster or a dragon or zombies or just something I can’t see. They shoot at me. Or they try running me over. It’s just crazy, messed up dreams.” I was feeling frustrated. What was the big deal? I hated that they worried about me already and here was something that I couldn't help and they couldn’t help either and they were making the biggest thing out of it. I’d hurt North and that was what the bad part was.
“Have you ever died before in them?” North asked.
“A few, I think. I fell from a building once. I was shot a couple of times...”
“Shit,” North growled.