He looked over my head to check out what I was pointing to. He put his hand on my shoulder. It seemed such a casual touch, again something I’d seen other people do or read about. He seemed to do it without thinking and yet my mind was filled for the moment with nothing but the warmth of his fingers. He was so close that I could smell the sweet spice of his cologne. I felt my body tingling. It felt so intimate to me. “Do you like horror?” he asked.
“Not spooky. More psychologically scary. Something a little bit smarter than a guy with a knife hiding behind a wall.”
“You like smart killers?”
“I like figuring out the best way to handle bad situations,” I said, although after the words slipped from my mouth I realized it sounded weird.
When I looked back at him, a grin slipped away from his face. “What else do you like?”
Victor had disappeared. Being alone with Kota now made my stomach twist, especially since he insisted on standing so close. I couldn’t back away unless I wanted to bump into the bookshelves. Was it normal for friends to stand so close to each other? I wished he’d stop looking at my eyes and face. I wanted to shield myself from it. “Depends on my mood, I guess. Mystery, fantasy...”
His head tilted. “Classics?”
“British, preferably. Sherlock Holmes or King Arthur. Although I did like Gone with the Wind.”
Silas appeared from behind Kota. His brows were creased and he had his arms tucked into his body as if trying not to touch anything. “I’m pretty sure they’re gone.”
“Good,” Kota said, straightening up and giving me enough room to stand next to him now. “The last thing we need right now is an altercation.”
Silas nodded in agreement but glanced at me and then dodged his head around, his eyes scanning the store. “Where’d Vic go?”
“We’ll get him,” Kota said. That gentle power from Kota’s voice became more prominent. Why did it feel like he was giving orders? “Meet you in the front.”
Silas nodded and headed back.
“He doesn’t care for bookstores,” Kota explained to me as we wound our way to the end of the aisle. “The lanes are narrow so he hates bumping into them.”
I smiled to myself at the thought of Silas being so concerned but I couldn’t imagine him clumsy. He seemed to be fully in control of his body.
It turned out we didn’t need to hunt for Victor. He was up front making a purchase. The store attendant was just putting it into a plastic bag as we approached.
“What’d you get?” I asked.
He turned to me, smiling coolly. “Some sheet music.”
“He plays piano,” Kota explained.
Victor narrowed his eyes at him. “I was going to tell her.”
Kota bowed his head, looking apologetic. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m jealous. It’d be really neat to learn to play.”
“Why haven’t you?” Kota asked.
I shrugged. “Never had a piano to fiddle with.” My father made enough money for a big house, but he always said he couldn't afford to keep up with the whims of his kids and he rarely allowed things that cost money. I wanted to try to explain it but it felt too awkward, too soon.
Again looks were exchanged between Kota and Victor. That was going to drive me crazy. I vowed to myself to try to catch their looks and understand this language they had between them. Were they feeling sorry for me? Confused? Thought I was pathetic? Were they going to laugh about the poor stupid girl later whose parents wouldn’t buy her a piano and walked alone in the rain at night?
We left the bookstore and continued the tour. Walking between Silas and Victor was awkward. I was either brushing arms with one or the other and I kept trying to make my shoulders sink in, drawing my arms into my body. I was walking like an idiot, doing my best to not touch them. I wasn’t supposed to get so close so soon that I could just walk with my arm touching someone else’s, could I? Since I wasn’t sure what was appropriate the best thing to do seemed to be to keep a distance.
After a while, my shoulders were sore. It wasn’t necessary anyway. No matter how I walked, Silas eventually needed to lean into me to get out of the way of people walking by and Victor walked like a snake, swaying back and forth across his path. As soon as I relaxed, Silas’s forearm brushed against mine. I was sure people thought we were holding hands. Victor on occasion bumped into me and only smiled when it happened. Something told me he was doing it on purpose.
I could smell the food court before we ever saw it. Silas’s hand went right to his abs. His stomach gurgled. I glanced up at him, trying not to laugh at his mortified expression. He gave me a half smile and nodded. “I think it’s time for some lunch.”
“How about sushi?” Victor suggested. “Do you like fish, Sang?”
“No fish,” Kota interjected before I could answer. “Not after last time.”
“I wasn’t going to take her there,” he said.
Silas shot him a look.
Victor gave a frustrated sigh. “Sang, what do you want?”
“I didn’t bring any money, guys,” I said, blushing. I didn’t want to add that I didn’t have any at all to bring. My father didn’t give allowances. “You all pick something you like. I’m still kind of full from breakfast anyway.” That wasn’t really true. I was actually kind of hungry now that I was smelling frying oil and sweets.
“You’re getting something,” Silas commanded. “Besides, Victor’s paying.”
My mouth popped open in an ‘o’ expression.
Victor nodded with confidence. “It’s my turn, anyway.”
It was a thing, I thought. They took turn buying each other lunch? I wondered when my turn would be. It would be really embarrassing when they discovered I couldn’t repay them like this.
There was a small debate about where to eat but Kota suggested a hamburger place. Victor got an Angus beef hamburger with Swiss and mushrooms, holding the condiments. Silas ordered three double cheeseburgers and a large fry. I mimicked Kota’s order, a chicken sandwich and medium fries.
Victor removed a black credit card from his wallet and swiped it. His parents gave him a credit card? From what I’d read about in books, black credit cards were reserved for the really rich. Maybe the novels I’d read weren’t accurate so I dismissed it. After the order was paid for, I whispered a quick thank you to him. He blinked at me, his face turning red but he waved me off.
Silas shooed us away to find a spot to sit while he waited on the order. We filled our drinks and then walked out into the middle of the sea of tables and chairs that surrounded a running carousel. I wanted to point to a spot close to the middle to see the paint on the horses but Kota was the first one to suggest a spot, one close to the outer edge of the court yard. It wasn’t crowded but he picked the place furthest away from where other people were sitting.
We got to the table and Vi
ctor quickly pulled a chair out, looking directly at me. I blinked, muttering a thank you and allowing him to slide the chair in as I sat. Victor sat next to me, Kota sat in front of Victor. Silas plopped down in front of me with the tray of food.
“People are animals when they get hungry,” Silas said. “The guy behind me was demanding a taco.”
I laughed and Silas’s dark eyes lit up. He passed the food around.
Silence fell over the table as we ate. I finished my sandwich and was nibbling on my fries as the guys finished up and started talking again. I was half paying attention to what they were talking about. I focused on people who appeared to be friends. I watched how they walked together. Sometimes they touched. Sometimes they had hands stuffed into their pockets and they bumped the other one in the direction they wanted to go without talking.
Normal. This is normal. My mind whirled, worrying this day would end too soon. Who knows when I would get another chance to just hang out like this? Would they even care to invite me again? It probably didn’t matter. After today, they’d get over of being nice to the new girl. Either that or my mom would find out the truth eventually. I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind. I was being paranoid and it annoyed me. I was being as self-destructive as my own mother thinking like that.
Motion across the walkway caught my attention. The guy with the goatee and his friends were leaning against the wall of a video game store. The guy with the goatee folded his arms over his chest and he made kissing faces my way. At first my eyes widened but I tried to adjust myself, attempting to look bored and disinterested. He laughed but I slowly turned my eyes as if I hadn’t even noticed. I wasn’t sure if I was able to hide the blush I felt in my cheeks. I pulled myself back into the conversation, forcing myself to nibble at another fry even though I was full.
“You can’t be serious,” Victor was saying to Kota. “Not another physics class. You’ve already taken all of them.”
“Not a particle physics one.”
“Tell me they don’t even offer that class,” Victor pushed a palm at his eye, looking pained. “It’s so pointless. It’s theoretical. You won’t use it.”