I harrumphed. “Who do I talk to?”
“Coaltar.”
“Besides him.”
“Future. Or Fortune. Did she change her name again yet?”
“Besides her.” I popped him on the back of his hand so he’d get it out of my face. “Why are you here?”
“Came to get you.” He snapped his fingers and pointed to the door. “We’ve got to get you ready to go.”
I pushed myself out of the chair to follow him. “Get ready for what?”
“For leaving.”
“I thought we weren’t leaving.”
“We’re pretending to leave, remember? But to do that, we need supplies.” He spun on me just as we got to the door and then aimed his finger gun at my face again. “Also, what we’ve said in here, don’t say anything out there when we go places, okay? People can listen even from far away, so don’t talk about the Academy or about anything. Try to pretend to be normal.”
I looked around the apartment. “Think they’re listening now?”
“Nope. We’ve got that taken care of. But outside of here, zip it on everything. We’re just going shopping.”
SHOPPING
Marc and I were stuck in the black SUV between an empty school bus and a very large semi with a big red sticker that marked the contents as explosive while trying to get downtown. The after-work traffic was backed up all the way to I-26, and I was suspecting a pileup ahead of us.
“We could walk faster than this,” I told him. I was eyeballing the semi, which had a few too many dents and scrapes to my liking. I didn’t trust it not to roll backward into us.
“Then we’d have to carry stuff back to the car that much further,” he said.
Good point. “Do we have to go to this one? Where are we going anyway? There’s no Walmart downtown.”
“I’m not going all the way out to Walmart. We’re going here. There’s clothes here. I’ve bought some before from this place. Besides, do you see this traffic? To get anywhere else besides downtown, we’d have to get on that Interstate into that traffic mess.”
I hiked an eyebrow up. He said supplies before, didn’t he? “We’re getting clothes?”
He lifted his gaze off of the back of the explosive sticker on the truck and looked at me with those mismatched eyes he had. “We’re starting with clothes for you. Although I think maybe we should start with boots.”
“Why me?”
“I’m literally running out of shoes and clothes because someone keeps borrowing them. And then leaving them all over the state. Sometimes out of state. Or out in the ocean.”
I looked down at the T-shirt and boots I was wearing right now, his. Usually always Marc’s because his clothes didn’t fall off my body most of the time. And everyone else had way bigger feet.
When we got out of line from behind the explosive truck, it wasn’t much better than a crawl all the way downtown. Even with taking side streets and alleys that might not be technically designated as roads, any cross traffic on the other lanes was bumper to bumper.
“What the hell is going on?” Marc asked. “Everyone forgot how to drive today.”
Eventually, Marc parked us near an outdoor tourist market along King Street. I’d been there a few times, including when I got picked up by Dr. Roberts. In December, it was decorated in Christmas displays. The sweetgrass basket weavers had their wares decorated with ribbons. The crowds were in smaller numbers than in the summer, mostly locals coming downtown to eat and stopping by the shops on a day out.
We remained in the car while Marc shuffled with his cell phone, poking a message out on the screen. “Are we buying tourist clothes?”
“There’s some, but there’s normal stuff, too,” he said. Eventually, he put the phone away and looked at me. “Ready?”
I scratched at my forearm absently. “No.”
He lifted a brow slowly. “You’re not afraid of a little shopping, are you?”
“No.”
He squinted at my face. “I think you’re lying. It’s harder to tell when you only say one word, but…I’m pretty sure.”
Okay, so maybe I still was uneasy with the idea of them paying for anything more than they already had with me. “I don’t really need clothes.”
“If you’re taking other people’s clothes, it’s because you need more.” He reached out to stop my scratching and still my hand.
When he touched me, it was like a shock to my system. It was jarring to be alone with him now. I’d been in the hospital for a while, and they’d been completely hands off. But it felt like whenever they touched me now, I was a wild set of emotions.
He seemed to feel it too, and giving in to impulse, he tugged me by the collar of his shirt I wore and kissed me.
For a minute, my senses completely blacked out and I gave in to it. Forgot where I was. Forgot everything we were doing. It was just his tongue thrusting into my mouth and his hands running over my body, tugging at me like he needed me too.
It was a hot moment, right up to when he was tugging me to get into the back seat.
That’s when I had to pull back, catch my breath. “We’re out in public,” I said.
“We could not be,” he breathed out hotly against my ear before he kissed it.
Tempting…
I gripped at his blue shirt. I had things to say to him, and I couldn’t think of how to put it together into words. How there was more than just him, and I was confused by feelings and I had to say something so it was just out in the air.
He pulled his face around to look at me. Those blue and green eyes opened wide. “Is it too weird?” he asked.
“The weird part is that it doesn’t feel weird,” I said. I let go of his collar and pushed a hand to my temple. “Like I’m alone with you here. It feels…good. But then when I’m…with someone else…” I trailed off, because I didn’t want to say anyone’s name. Not while I was right in front of him. “Not that just anyone…not that I’m doing things with everyone.” I made a face. This was making it sound horrible.
He smirked and shook his head, his eyes drifting around my face. “It was weird at first when I thought about it. But I don’t know…” He looked me directly in the eyes then. “When I’m with you like this, it feels right, too. And I’m not angry when you’re hanging out with the others. Maybe Coaltar…”
“You just don’t like him.”
“I’m trying.” He paused and shrugged. “But are we ever going to get to where we’re not talking about it and just make it a thing?”
“I don’t know what this is,” I said, trying to tug away from him just
a little. Not that I really wanted to let go. I didn’t want to really talk feelings either. But I needed to figure this out.
He resisted letting me go a second but then pulled back into his own seat, leaning against the window with a palm over one eye. “Christ, let’s just all get married.”
“I think that’s illegal.”
“It doesn’t have to be real,” he said. He lowered his hand and put it on the wheel as he spoke to me. “If we’re going to do this, let’s just do it. Thinking about it is what’s killing me. Let’s just do it.”
I knew what he meant. “I guess I’m not wanting anyone to feel awkward about it,” I said. “I don’t want to hide things.”
He nodded vigorously. “Right. I agree.”
“And I don’t want anyone fighting.”
“No,” he said, he put his hand over his heart. “Promise I won’t fight with them. Well, no more than the usual.”
“And we’re not adding in anyone else,” I said. “I know that’s not fair. But I really can’t handle anything right now. I should…I mean I know about open relationships, but I really…I can’t…”
In an instant, he was on me again, but just to cup my cheeks in his hands to get me to look right at him.
He spoke in soft tones, so close to my face that I felt his breath on me. “No one else,” he said. “I couldn’t handle it, either. And I don’t want to. I can’t talk for the others, but I…” He paused, just looking at me, and then suddenly burst out, “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
It was on my lips to say it back, and I think my mouth moved, but no air escaped my lips. Just my lips making the motion.
I felt it too.
I think I had for a while and was never going to tell him about it. Not when I was so conflicted by similar feelings for the others. Not when I thought telling him I loved him but I also felt the same for others would break his heart.
And when I couldn’t say what I wanted out loud, I just leaned in and kissed him.
The kiss was different this time, less desperate for sex, more needing to feel he loved me and the reassurance this attraction between us wasn’t just sexual.