We’re going to fix this. There wasn’t going to be an easy fix.
“You weren’t wrong to think I liked you,” I said. “It’s not that I didn’t want to get close. I had to force myself to back off because I knew going too far was wrong if I didn’t tell you about the others.”
“I understand,” he said, his voice lowering to almost a whisper. “Maybe not everyone on the team understands, but I do. That was a lot of pressure to be under, especially when you needed us. Axel had warned us to be careful, to give you space when you first showed up. He’d even suggested we shouldn’t try to…be more than friends. We were so pissed when we overheard him talking to you, not just because it sounded like he was pressuring you, but because he’d told us to back off and we thought he was a hypocritical ass.”
It had been hypocritical of Axel to tell them to back off. But even I had told myself not to get close to any of them at first—I knew how hard it was to stay away.
“I can’t fix this right now,” I said. I wanted to, but I knew it would take time, time we didn’t have on board this ship with everything else going on. It was enough for now knowing he didn’t hate me completely. “It’s unfair to talk to you about this without the others. I need to talk to all of them. But first, we need to get Raven back. Help me at least get to the bottom of this.”
He nodded slowly.
Then his palm brushed up, his fingertips against my cheek.
The edge of his thumb traced over my bottom lip.
His sad, deeply emotional eyes fixed right on me.
I stilled, waiting, looking at him. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. I didn’t dare wish.
His gaze fell to my mouth. He swallowed and then licked the edges of his lips. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but I need to know. Liam said you couldn’t choose between us, but then Axel said you’d had…I mean, with him, and with Blake.”
I remained quiet for a while, unsure if he was asking a question.
His hand froze on my face and he spoke quietly. “I just need to know if I’m…if you and I…if I’m one of the ones you can’t choose between.”
I was surprised. Hadn’t Liam made it clear? “Yes,” I said quickly. “I thought Liam was going to tell you.”
“He did,” he said, his eyes drifting up to meet mine again. “But then he asked about Corey and then questioned us about Kevin, even Doyle.”
I made a gagging sound at thinking he’d asked about Doyle. “I told him no about Kevin. Obviously not Doyle. I told him about Corey not being interested, but he didn’t believe me. I didn’t want to be the one to tell him Corey is gay.” I tilted my head back. “Liam doesn’t really know much about us, so I can’t blame him.”
I was going to say more, but Brandon’s hand smoothed down my cheek, stopping at the side of my neck, warm against my skin.
When I looked at him, his eyes were deep pools of emotion.
“I don’t care about that,” he said. “I just want to know how you feel about me.”
I pressed my lips together, swallowing, and felt the rush of heat through my neck and cheeks. I wanted to be honest, but I also worried about his feelings, and if I was doing more harm than good. I cared about him, but he had been jealous over the others before. Would the rift grow between him and his friends if I told him everything I was feeling?
I studied him: his tan skin, light hair, and blue eyes. There was a dip just under his lower lip and his full mouth.
Then I realized I was staring at his lips.
His hand on my neck shifted up, pushing my jaw slightly. “Please,” he said. “Tell me. I need to hear it.”
“I can’t stand being away from you,” I said quietly. I continued to stare at his cheeks, his nose, his eyebrows, avoiding looking directly at his eyes; I didn’t want to break down here. “It killed me to back away from you when you got close. I never wanted to hurt you, and it felt like I was each time…”
He exhaled quickly and leaned in close. “Did I ever push you?” he asked. “Did I ever say anything wrong?”
I reached up, cupping his cheeks in my hands to redirect his attention.
His hands fell to my waist, holding me. His breathing was raspy, and his eyes darted from my eyes to my lips and back.
“I loved it when you pushed,” I said, finally looking up into his eyes. “Sometimes, I wished you had pushed harder. I probably would have given in.”
In his intense stare, so close, I saw him weigh what I said.
I was surprised at my own words, though they were true. Not that I wanted him to push if I’d said no, but had I? Never. Not to him. He’d just felt me hesitating and stopped himself every time.
“I don’t want to pressure you now,” he whispered. His expressive eyes lowered again to my lips. “Tell me if you don’t want me to.”
I remained completely still.
He kissed me once, softly. It wasn’t his usual kiss, but like he was testing me, allowing me a chance to tell him to back off.
I tugged slightly at his cheeks, pulling him toward my face, and then moved my arms to wrap around his neck.
His kiss deepened, but after a moment, he backed his head up slowly, looking at me.
I raised an eyebrow. “Is something wro—”
At the same moment, he spoke in a rush: “I love you.”
Electricity zoomed through my heart and out to my limbs—throughout my whole body. I stared at his eyes. “What?” I said, breathless, before I could even think of anything else. Had I heard him right? Had he just said what I thought he’d said?
His eyes went wide, and his face turned several shades of red. He gripped my waist tightly. “I…didn’t mean to say that now. I…” His face contorted in confusion, and then one of his arms shifted and he touched his ear, turning away from me.
“Shut up. It’s none of your business,” he barked.
The earpiece. I hadn’t checked to see if he was wearing it. Who was listening?
He grumbled, then yanked the earpiece from his ear and held it in his fist away from us. “If I didn’t have to hang on to it, I’d throw it over.”
“Don’t,” I said and I smiled at him. What he’d said had sunk in. I didn’t care who heard him. If it was Doyle, then it really wasn’t his business. I’d been holding out on Brandon, and he still felt so strongly about me. “You’re right. It’s none of his business.”
He looked back at me, studying my face. Finally, he gave me a hesitant smile. “Did I just mess up?”
“No,” I said. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Just once.
He let me, closing his eyes, holding my waist.
When I backed up, I waited until his eyes opened and he was looking at me again. “I’ve been falling for you for…a while.” It was true. At first, he’d driven me crazy. He’d argued with me. He’d pushed me.
Then there was the time he’d held me after I woke up crying from a bad dream. He’d kissed me then, and made so many promises. I’d wanted to believe them.
Hadn’t he kept his promises to me? As much as I would let him?
Voices drifted from the hallway, drawing me back to the reality that we were on this ship, on the sundeck. We had work to do.
He was still staring at me and holding me, but something was different. It was a long moment before I realized what it was: his eyes looked slightly less lost than normal. There wasn’t time to think too hard on that, though.
I waved at him to get his attention.
“Brandon,” I said. “I know you want to talk, but we should probably go. Let’s get Raven and get off this stupid boat.”
He nodded and then released me. “Sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I just…thank you.”
I waved a dismissive hand. I was ecstatic. He knew about everything. He’d said he loved me. Despite everything, he knew and he was still here.
Hope surged through me. I was on a high after kissing him and hearing his feelings for me, but I couldn’t los
e sight of what we needed to do. “Can we go down to the spa?” I asked. “Just for a couple of minutes. Just one look.”
He swallowed, swept his fingers through his hair, and then nodded. “We need to be really careful. Our advantage right now is that no one knows you’re back. Let’s keep it that way.”
I agreed. We waited until the hallway was clear, and Brandon guided me out.
Unforgettable Spa
As I followed Brandon through the halls of the cruise ship, I kept replaying his words in my head.
Brandon had to put the earpiece back into his ear to get directions that would help us avoid Sam, but Doyle let us know he was still well away from the spa.
Since it was still early, most of the guests were picking out which restaurants to go to for breakfast, or were heading to the pool. Shops hadn’t opened yet, and the casino was closed for cleaning.