“Dirt only works if he’s willing to talk,” Axel said. “He might not care if we tell everyone about this. If his wife was into it, who are we going to tell? His kids? They don’t need to know this. And if we tell the public, his kids will find out. I don’t like that. They shouldn’t have to suffer for this. I was banking on the wife not knowing.”
They continued to talk about how to use the information, but I tuned them out, focusing on the shower and trying to scrub more sand out of my hair and off my skin.
I might have been in there for an hour or two, or just twenty minutes. Part of me was asleep on my feet but once I seemed clean, I turned off the water. I stood, staring at the fixtures, and then eventually found the towel and wrapped it around myself.
By the time I got within view of the open door again, Axel was on the bed, sprawled out on his back on top of the blankets. His black shoes were on the floor. His eyes might have been closed, but it was hard to tell. Fancy was gone.
“Where did she go?” I asked.
Axel lifted his head, looking down his body at me. His eyes moved over my body wrapped up in the towel, but then he dropped his head back on the pillow. “She’s all fired up,” he said. “She said she was going down to get something to help her sleep. And she might sleep down in the other set of rooms. Kevin came up to escort her.”
I was surprised it had happened without my noticing. I really must have been sleeping on my feet.
I dried off quickly but then realized I didn’t have anything to put on. I scanned the discarded clothing in the bathroom, but after what I’d just witnessed, I wasn’t sure about touching anything of Fancy’s. Who knew what was mixed in with all the clothes?
“Axel?”
In a split second, he launched himself off the bed and was at the bathroom door, looking in on me. He leaned against the door frame. “Did you need something?” he asked, an eyebrow up. His hair was messy, falling out of the ponytail.
My brain went into overdrive, and my heart started beating rapidly again. I suddenly realized it was because we were alone again. I’d told him all about Blake, but he was still here.
“I don’t have anything to wear,” I said. “I don’t want to touch Fancy’s stuff.”
“I don’t blame you,” he said, checking out the mirror, the tub, and then my face. He stepped back into the room and peeled off his white button-up shirt and passed it to me. “Will this be okay for now?” he asked, still wearing the tank top.
I looked him in the face as I reached for the shirt. Our hands brushed and I stilled, touching him and the shirt. Silently, I asked him if we were okay. Was this thing between us over? Did my relationship with Blake change how he felt?
He was so unemotional, I couldn’t tell his thoughts.
“It’s fine,” I finally said. “Thank you.”
He released the shirt and stepped back to sit on the corner of the bed. He watched as I put the shirt over my body and buttoned it. The hem reached just below my butt.
I turned from him, unsure what his staring meant and not wanting to press him for an answer. Maybe he needed time to process, but he wasn’t being unfriendly or acting angry. Was that okay? Was I okay with that?
I borrowed one of Fancy’s brushes, and it took several minutes to get all the knots out of my hair. I waited during that time for him to say something and when I couldn’t stand waiting anymore, I asked flat out, “What are we doing?”
“You get to sleep,” he said. “And—”
There was a rap at the door, quieter this time. I looked at Axel, wondering who it could be. Fancy wouldn’t have knocked to enter her own room.
I stiffened and then inched back into the bathroom. “Who…”
Axel motioned to me not to move or make a sound. He went to the door and opened it. I heard the gentle clinking of glass, Axel thanking someone, and the door closing.
The smell of food drifted to me before I saw Axel, making my mouth water. When he came into view, he was holding a tray, showing it to me.
“Just room service,” he said.
To my delight, there were eggs, steak, and coffee, although there was a small note that said Decaf beside another note with a heart and written next to it: With love, BC.
Blake Coaltar. He remembered I wanted steak.
There were other items, too, like doughnuts and fries and a couple of slices of bacon and some fruit. It was a mishmash, but to me, it was the perfect feast.
I ran out of the bathroom and launched myself onto the bed, sitting cross-legged before Axel put the tray down near me. I started shoving food in my mouth before I even thought about what I was eating.
I worked on the eggs as he got busy cutting up the steak. I ate the lion’s share, but Axel picked up a roll and nibbled.
I loved Blake; he didn’t forget important things.
As I was finishing up, Axel picked up the little note. “C….” he said.
“Coaltar,” I said absently and then focused on a bit of egg on the plate scooping it up with my fork. “I told him I was hungry before coming back here.”
He nodded and then his brows furrowed. “Thought it was Brandon for a second…” He was sitting back on the bed, holding himself up with one hand. With the other, he slowly put the note back in the tray. “I have to ask, and I don’t know another way to put this.”
I swallowed what I had in my mouth and stared at the tray. Tension weighed on my chest. This was it. I felt it in the air.
“Are you…and him…?” He mumbled something else and then coughed and sat up on the bed, feet on the floor. He sat there, looking at the wall. “You asked not to be exclusive before, but I just need to know where I stand here.”
The intensity in the room had my insides tightening. I pushed the tray aside. I couldn’t blame him for asking. “Blake has agreed to not be exclusive also,” I said. “Where you stand I guess depends on how you feel about me.”
He let out a low growl and then raked his fingers through his hair, undoing the ponytail. He flung the holder across the room. “I don’t understand.” He turned his head to look at me, his dark hair shadowing his eyes. “Do you want me here? Do I need to call Blake down?”
I shook my head. “When I said I couldn’t choose, I meant it. I care about you. But I also care about Blake. And Brandon, Marc and Raven. I’m not cutting you off. Or them. What I was saying was—”
“You’re not exclusive,” he said. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. He clasped his hands over his knees, leaning forward a little. “That’s not what I was asking.”
I sat quietly, waiting, expecting him to say something more, and when he didn’t, I realized he was waiting for me to speak.
He stood up, turning toward the door, staring h
ard at it. “I don’t want to be here if you’re uncomfortable with me. I can call someone else down to stay with you.”
I slowly reached for his clenched fist. I tugged at him, looking up at his face.
He didn’t meet my eyes and continued staring at the door, his chest moving as he breathed. His jaw was tight.
I could almost hear his thoughts. I’d be angry, and frustrated, and confused, too, if he’d told me about another girl he was seeing.
We hadn’t been in a relationship, though. That was the issue.
I used his arm to help myself stand. He remained still and I moved in front of him, getting between him and the door.
“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered. I was desperate for him to understand me, and yet I had no place to stand in this situation. I was the one asking him to feel things for me even as I was messed up, unable to pick him above all others. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I don’t understand my own feelings. I won’t stop you if you can’t…don’t want to be here with me.”
“Do you like him?” he asked.
“He’s not the only one I like,” I said, determined to be completely honest. I lifted my gaze, looking into his dark eyes, hoping he’d understand. “I don’t know if you’ve ever felt so strongly for more than one person at a time. I’ve never had this happen to me before.”
His face contorted for only a second before he finally turned to look at my face. The storm was back, but this was different; where before had been a lightning storm of anger, this time it was like a torrential rain, flooding him with a mix of feelings.
Still, he didn’t move, letting me hold on to his hand.
“You’ve never shut me out,” I said. “After all the mistakes I’ve made, you’ve never—”
“I do that for them,” he said, his voice deep, rumbling. “I do that for my team.”
“But you don’t kiss them after their mistakes,” I said. I didn’t know what I was doing. My brain was tired, yearning for sleep, but I knew that I could never sleep if he walked away now. “You’re smart, and don’t treat me like I’m ‘just’ a girl. You listen to me, but you don’t simply kowtow to everything I want.”