“It’s not going to make me feel any better,” I said. I was sure of that. There was no way this pit of guilt in my stomach would lift until I found Wil and found out the truth, even if Wil chose to tell me this was all my fault, like I thought it was.
“No,” Axel said. “You may not feel better, but you’ve got to start somewhere. We’ll keep you busy until Monday.”
“More roof fixing?” I asked. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. Last time didn’t go so well. I’d ended up shooting Marc with the nail gun.
“That job is done, but we may find another. Or we’ll hunt for a job for you. Whatever you want.” He removed his hand from my face and nudged my shoulder. “Do you want to get up and go to bed yourself or do you want me to carry you?”
I didn’t want to get carried off somewhere, so I sat up, letting the blood rush around for a moment before I stood. Axel kept a hand at my elbow the entire time, as patient as a rock. When I was standing, he moved his hand to my back.
“Go to sleep in my room,” Corey said. “I’m going to be up for a while. I’ve got some work to do.”
“Fine,” I said. “I just want a shower and to pass out until Monday.”
Axel stepped back and the room was quiet while I stumbled over to Corey’s room. I didn’t want to close Corey out of his own bedroom, so I left the door open a crack.
I hovered in his bedroom for a moment, checking out the chalkboard walls. Ghostly lines remained after he’d erased an entire section. What was leftover made no sense to me. Not that it mattered. I couldn’t really read any of it because it was all mathematical equations. Only Corey saw the answers, what they really meant.
How oddly comforting it was to see it again. It was like this was Corey and he was there with me even if he was in the other room. I had a warm spot for him, just like the others. Maybe it was a little different, because Corey was incredibly cute, a nerdling and within a couple of days, it was like we were friends. The strange thing was, with him I wanted to be even closer, and he never once made me feel weird about it. Too bad his brother said he was gay. It was probably a good thing because the twins were amazing and choosing between them would have been difficult.
I waved the thought off. I didn’t need to think about that right now.
Corey’s bedroom had an attached bathroom. I borrowed a pair of his boxers and one of the T-shirts he had folded in a basket near his closet. I didn’t want to have to go back out for my own clothes. In a way, I didn’t want them. It was like they belonged to a life I didn’t have any more.
I locked the bathroom door behind me, leaving Corey’s clothes on the counter. I found a towel and left it on a rack near the tub.
I ran the water and then stared at the stream for a long time, feeling so out of place. Chilled, awkward. Being naked in someone else’s bathroom always feels strange.
I showered, taking my time with the hot water. I luxuriated in how hot it could get. The hotel’s hot water was so mild in comparison, probably had the temperature gauge set pretty low. I let the water run over me until my skin was a brisk red, and then started to wash, borrowing a razor and using his shampoo.
I finished, dried and put on the boxers and the T-shirt. The boxers hung loose on my hips. I probably needed some underwear just in case they fell off at some point but it was too late now. The T-shirt’s hem hung low enough on my body that it covered my butt, anyway.
After, I hovered over the sink, trying to figure out if I wanted to use his toothbrush or just use my finger. I licked my teeth and went for using my finger. I’d already stolen his clothes and a razor—didn’t want to go too far.
I absently watched through the mirror as I was brushing, swabbing my finger back and forth against my teeth.
I bent down to take in some water, swish and spit. I took in some more water to spit again.
When I came back up, the mirror revealed cerulean eyes staring back at me, making me startle. At first, I assumed it was Corey because they looked so much alike, and this was Corey’s bedroom, but it was Brandon. He was in the same clothes and there were those sad eyes that confirmed it.
“Ugh. Brandon,” I said, squealing his name, backing up a step, nearly bumping into him. It wasn’t so much he was there, more that I didn’t hear him at all. Didn’t I lock the door? Or did I not do it right? He thought it was okay to come in?
“Sorry,” he said.
I huffed and rinsed off my finger and my mouth, drying it on my towel. “What are you doing? It couldn’t wait?”
“I wanted to catch you before you went to sleep,” he said.
“So you just walk in? I could have been naked,” I said, turning to face him.
He tilted his head down to look at me. “You weren’t.”
I grunted. Men. Their logic is out in la-la land. If you understand it, you’re as crazy as they are. “What do you need?”
He looked at me for the longest time and the silence that fell between us was heavy. I wondered if anyone else knew he was in here. When I glanced at the door, it was closed, and locked. He didn’t want anyone interrupting us.
Uh oh. Relationship talk.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come out to you,” he said quietly. “I mean out to the hotel to get you. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t want to. Marc told us what to do, and I thought it would be better to get started...”
“It’s no big deal,” I said. I didn’t fault any of them for not coming out when I called. I was warmed by the idea that he, his brother, and the others started helping the moment I’d said something. Corey and Brandon were doing stuff here, computer things I couldn’t do, or going door to door looking for him like Axel. I had to be grateful. No one else would have done it for us. I paused, considering what I said. “No, I mean...thank you for doing what you could.”
“If you can think of something else,” he said, “I’ll do it.” He stepped forward slowly and then placed his palms on my shoulders. Those sad eyes bore into me, making me squirm in ways I wasn’t prepared for. “If you feel better knocking door to door, or checking every damn hospital and police station until we can find him, I’ll go with you.”
I breathed in slowly, letting my eyes drift to his shoulder. “No, we were right before. I don’t want to scare him off.”
He massaged my shoulders. He was quiet, waiting for something else, for a word from me. It was like he expected me to be upset with him and I wasn’t. I was worried about Wil, and I was angry at Jack. The guys, Brandon and the others, had done nothing but help and there was no way I could be angry about that.
Brandon continued to study me. “Tell me what I can do for you.”
My insides lit up with warning. This was deeper than making sure I was okay. I told myself to get it together, that I didn’t need this complication. Now that I’d shown I was okay with him being in the bathroom with me, and I was willing to talk to him, he was using the moment to test
me.
The fact that he was trying was chipping away at my heart, looking for a way in, made it work. Effort was a big deal to me. When he said things like that, it made me forget why I was pushing him away in the first place. “I just need to distract myself until Monday,” I said.
He drew me in closer, slowly. His palm traced up my cheek until I was forced to focus on his face. Those blue eyes darkened. “I keep my promises, you know. All of them. I’ll find him. I want to make sure you’re okay, too. Not just with this. Stay here, if you want. Wherever you’re comfortable.”
I stared back at him, not saying one way or another what I was thinking. I kept my arms folded over my stomach. I wasn’t going to reach out for him, but I wasn’t pushing away, either, which was killing me. This wasn’t the time for this, but I couldn’t help it. His promises provided a cushion of comfort when I didn’t think I’d ever feel comfortable again. I was alone, and he was telling me I wasn’t. I wanted to believe it.
“I meant what I said before,” he whispered. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten.” He leaned closer, as if testing me. It was strange because usually when you give boys the silent treatment, they pull away. Brandon was testing the boundaries, breaking through and discovering I didn’t stop him, making him push further.
Still, I couldn’t get myself to respond to him like I wanted, or thought I wanted. My head was telling me to tell him off, that there was something I wasn’t supposed to do with him, but the longer he lingered, the harder it was to remember why.
Slowly, he inched closer until I was nose to nose with him and he stopped.
“Tell me no if you don’t want to,” he said softly.
God help me, but I did want it. Instinct took over and I closed the gap between our lips, not liking the waiting.
He was still for a long time, pressing his lips to mine in a slow, closed-mouth kiss.
This kiss was different than the one we’d shared before. That had been desperate. This was something else. Reassurance. We were in this together.
I unfolded, and when he bent over more to get closer, my arms went up around his neck.