She froze, her big grey eyes swinging to his in confusion. The hurt and bewilderment there made it hard for him to breathe. Conflict swirled through him, two completely separate halves still battling for control.
He crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m no good at making apologies, but I am sorry about earlier. You are right. I lost my way, but I love you and nothing is ever going to make that change. No matter how much SKALS might rip away, some small part of me is always clinging to you. You are what keeps me breathing when I want to give in. You are what makes me fight to come back home.”
“But that has to end,” she whispered.
He threaded his fingers through her hair and coaxed her face closer until their foreheads touched. “No, baby. That is the one thing I don’t ever want to change.”
“I don’t understand…”
He closed his eyes for a long moment, searching for his voice and his strength. Releasing his breath, he pulled back and with a regretful frown. “Every time they lock me away, it gets harder and harder for me to find my way back. To remind myself of who I was and who I need to be outside of those walls. I shouldn’t fight it, but I do. I want a life with you, Taylor. I want to be the man you deserve. I want to be him so bad. It’s just hard—so much harder than I ever thought it would be.”
“I don’t mean to make things difficult for you, Sebastian.”
He silenced her with a shake of his head, his palm cradling her cheek. “You don’t. This was my choice. I took that leap. If there is anyone to blame for my struggles, it’s me. I am working on things, but they are going to take some time. I need you, Taylor. I know things are hard, and I know you hurt, but don’t give up on me, baby. Please.”
She closed her eyes and bowed her head. The heartbroken tears streaming over her cheeks threatened what was left of his sanity.
“How?” she asked. “How is anything ever going to change? Life is always going to be this constant battle of push and pull for us, Sebby. Please don’t make me promises you can’t keep.”
It was now or never. Time to put up or shut up. Salvage things or walk away. He weighed the options heavily for a moment. Then, seeing no other way, laid every card he had on the table. All of the ugly secrets and sins were there for the taking.
“Baby…I try. Do you know why I am so damn hard on you, Taylor? Do you have any idea why I snap?”
“You say it’s because you love me, but it honestly doesn’t feel that way.”
He nodded, his chest growing uncomfortably tight. “Think what you want. I do it to protect you—to protect us both. If Marx saw the way you argued with me today, he would make the corrections I’ve given you seem like foreplay. You think it hurts when I hit you with a belt? What I do is nothing, nothing, in the grand scheme of things. That man would whip the skin clean off your back and make you bleed. He would torture you in ways that would break you for good. If you don’t believe me, ask Monique. She experienced his wrath firsthand. Just because she made some lighthearted joke to me, and he found it disrespectful. You have no idea how scrutinizing he can be.”
She looked sick. All color bleached from her face as her mercurial eyes flooded with tears. Aching to ease that stark look of fear, he lifted her chin.
“That is why I crack down on you. I don’t ever want that to happen again. It can’t. I can’t live with that. She’s never been the same, Taylor, and that mistake cost her husband his life. Since then Marx has made it perfectly clear what he expects from our families and our team. One sign of weakness from us and he will start to go down the line, taking away what is most dear. The first person that heads that short list for me is you…then Monique and Mia. I need you to understand this.”
“I don’t…I thought Dane died in the line of…” her voice trailed off as he shook his head.
“The truth would crush Monique. Dane was livid when he found out what Marx did. He burst into my office in a full-blown rage, unaware Marx was making a quick pit stop in the bathroom. The bastard overheard the whole thing, came out, and shot him in cold blood without even blinking.” He sighed, grappling with the guilt the memories provoked. “I should’ve seen it. Even then, Marx was out of control. He didn’t care who or what he destroyed in his quest for power,” Sebastian said, tugging both hands through his curls in frustration. “Look, I can’t get into this right now. I am working on a solution, but when I tell you it’s for your own good, I mean it. I need you to believe in me, to hang on and trust me.”
She released a shaky breath, her face bewildered and pinched with worry. “I…I don’t know what to say. I try, Sebastian. I really do.”
He forced a wistful smile as he speared his fingers through her hair. “I know, baby. Today was just a rough day. We are both tired and out of sorts. Tomorrow will be better.”
Chewing her lip, she nodded, her grey eyes swinging up to his and flooding with hope. “Does that mean you aren’t going to punish me?”
He couldn’t help the reluctant tug of his lips as he settled his forehead against hers. “I can’t let that kind of behavior slip. I am definitely going to remind you who is in charge,” he said, trailing a crooked finger along the underside of her chin. “But I think an hour or so under me should do the trick.”
The tension lifted, easing most of the worry from her angelic features. He stiffened as she flung her arms around his neck, but then relaxed as her sensual smell washed over him and her warm nose nuzzled his skin. Closing his eyes, Sebastian held onto her, relishing in the feel of comfort, seduction, and home.
“That is a punishment I think I can manage,” she murmured.
“Mmm. That remains to be seen,” he said, tipping her face to steal a hungry kiss. It took effort, but the painful cramping in his stomach forced him to pull back. “Go clean yourself up. We’ll go catch a movie and grab a bite to eat.”
She wiggled her brows as she wiped the last of her tears away. “Something good like seafood and steak?”
Snaring her chin, he tugged her closer with a sinister laugh. “I will gladly take you anywhere you want. Just remember what they say.”
“Who?”
“Men, darling. If you order the lobster you are sealing the deal, and that sweet body of yours is already going to pay a heavy price.”
She scrunched her face and shook her head. “You can’t charge double the fees.”
“Can’t I?” Sebastian asked, pressing closer. “Who says?”
“Me,” she argued, holding her forefinger between them in a silent gesture for him to wait.
Pulling her hand out the way, he regarded her with a curious tilt of his head. “Is that so? I find that funny, darling, seeing as you are completely and utterly without say.”
She squealed as he lunged without warning. His lips eagerly sought purchase against her neck. His body splayed against hers in a menacing press, pinning her to the mattress. Taylor wrapped her legs around his waist in invitation. Covering her hands with his, he trapped them against the bed. Danger and desire played in the sage pools of his eyes. He teased her lips, brushing them with his in the barest caress.
“You should beg me to make you pay,” he whispered.
“What?”
“You heard me sweetheart…beg.”
Taylor gasped, her body rising to meet his as he ground the straining ridge of his zipper between her thighs. He released one of her hands to cradle the back of her neck. His hold tightened as he kissed her again, the warm spear of his tongue dueling with hers in a mirrored reflection of his hips. When he finally broke contact, she lay beneath him breathless and dazed.
“What happened to dinner?” she panted.
A sinister laugh escaped him. “I decided I wanted an appetizer,” he murmured, nipping a slow path across her skin. “Are you complaining?”
“No, Sebastian. Not about this. Never about this. I swear.”
“Good,” he stated, releasing his hold just long enough to wrestle her clothing away.
CHAPTER 9~
> Taylor arched and shifted on her raft, her jaw stretching on a violent yawn. Heat radiated from the late April sun and reflected off the sparkling aqua water of the pool, making her feel even more languid and relaxed. Feeling another pair of eyes upon her, she tipped her sunglasses and regarded the blonde floating beside her with a sheepish smile. Monique’s lush lips quirked. Shaking her head, Sebastian’s sister adjusted her designer shades and slumped back onto her raft with a knowing smirk.
“Most of us would assume it’s all this relaxing and fun in the sun making you glow, but I know better,” she teased. “I told you before to keep that stuff to yourself.”
“Like you’re any better over there,” Taylor scoffed, tossing a lemon wedge her way. “That Cheshire grin you’re boasting should come with its own set of shades.”
Monique’s airy laughter rang across the pool, drawing the attention of Josh and Sebastian as they manned the grill. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she claimed with an indignant sniff. “I’m still basking in the exhilarating rush of spending the day out on the lake. Riding those jet skis was a blast.”
“Uh huh,” Taylor deadpanned. “I’m sure it was nothing compared to the ride you had after we hopped off in the swim zone.”
Monique sat up so quickly her raft almost capsized. Cursing, she fought to keep her balance, all while scrambling to save the remnants of her fruity umbrella drink. Taking a leisurely sip through her straw, Taylor donned an innocent look as her friend’s sun-kissed cheeks flushed an even brighter shade of pink.
“You knew?”
Shrugging, she stuffed her drink back in the cup holder. “It’s not exactly like you guys were sneaky about it.”
Monique’s eyes darted to Sebastian. Obvious shame and horror stamped her face. Clamping a hand over her mouth, she gave a pleading shake of her head. “Oh God…”
“Relax.” She laughed when Monique turned her way with a look that clearly stated anyone in their right mind would be on the verge of panic. Snickering, Taylor settled back against her raft with a smug expression. “I kept your brother occupied. The two of you could have drowned out there and he wouldn’t have noticed.”