“It was my punishment, Taylor, and I got their message loud and clear.”
“Jesus, Sebastian.” She was helpless to stop the hot tears streaming over her cheeks. The anguish rolling off him was crippling.
“I will have to live with that fact for the rest of my life. Knowing that if I’d just done what they said, my nephew would still be alive. That kind of weakness and pity is a mistake I will never make again…but it’s too late…it’s too late to save him.”
His body shook with a silent sob. Unable to bear anymore, she wrapped her arms around him. Pressing her cheek against his shoulder blade, she held him tight, her hands stroking the outside of his arms in an attempt to soothe. Without warning, he broke free and twisted to face her. His hands came up and he tenderly cupped her cheeks. Tears shimmered in his eyes as he tilted his forehead against hers.
“Please don’t hate me,” he begged, his voice breaking. “Please.”
She shuddered as she fought to hold back a sob of her own. Sebastian’s body trembled. His breath came in shaky spurts.
“I don’t hate you, Sebastian. I hate the things you have to do, but I love you.”
“Please don’t leave. Don’t ever leave me. Promise me, Taylor, promise me.”
She reached around his arms to cradle his face. “I promise.”
“I need you. I love you so much. Please don’t do that to me. I couldn’t take it.”
“I won’t. This isn’t your fault. I hate the things they’ve done to you.”
“Shh, no. That doesn’t matter. You can’t ever talk about my job to anybody. No outsiders, just me, Josh, and Monique. If you ever said one word about this to anybody else, if they even thought you were they would make me…please don’t ever do that. Don’t put me in that position again. Swear to me, Taylor.”
“Sebastian, I swear.”
“I love you.” He shuddered, burying his face into her neck as a heavy sob wracked him from the inside out.
“I love you, too.”
Seeing him, feeling the raw pain that ravaged him was shattering. Taylor clung to him, her own tears joining his as they rolled down her cheeks. She would have given anything in that moment just to make it stop. After a few minutes, it did, but he still clutched her tight, holding on as if she was a lone life preserver in the midst of a tumultuous storm. His hands soothed over her cheeks, drying her tears and caressing her skin in unspoken apology.
“I want to make you happy. That’s all that matters to me. I’ll do anything to make you happy again. Please…tell me what to do.”
“Trust me,” she whispered. “Just trust me and let me love you the way you love me.”
His chest jerked with a quiet sound. She wasn’t sure if it was laughter or relief, but the look in his teary sage eyes as he tilted his head and stared back at her was humbling.
“You never fail to surprise me,” he whispered, trailing his fingers along her jaw. “I offer you anything you want, and that’s what you ask of me?”
“I don’t want things,” she said, turning her face to kiss his hand. “I want you, and I want you to trust me enough to be the man you said you wanted to be. That’s who I fell in love with.”
“I’ve given you that. You are the only one who’s seen that side of me, Taylor. The only one who really knows me. I can’t let my guard down and be that person around anyone else. Not even Monique. As much as I want to, I can’t always be him. I have to protect myself, and you.”
“Is that why you are so hard on your sister sometimes?”
Running his fingers through her hair, he nodded. “It’s my job to protect my family and keep them safe. I also have to watch out for my team. It’s a difficult line to tread, but I’ve lost enough. I can’t afford to lose anyone else.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I never meant to make you feel…I didn’t want to leave. Maybe after everything that happened, but I was so damn scared. I had no idea who that man was or where he came from. It’s not something I ever want to go through again. You—this thing you’re in scares the hell out of me, but I love you and I believe you love me.”
“I do, baby. More than anything. We’ll be okay.” He brushed his lips across hers before pulling her closer to claim a tender kiss. “I will always protect you, but you have to trust me,” he murmured. “You won’t always like it, but everything I do is for your own good. I can’t let you cross that line. If I push you behind me from time to time, it’s only to shield what is most precious to me.”
He kissed her again. Leaning back, he offered a tentative smile. “Of course, I always enjoy it when you are underneath me.”
Laughing quietly, Taylor shook her head. His expression gave way to a boyish grin as his eyebrows quirked in a suggestive dance.
“You’re horrible.”
“I am,” he admitted. “But you make me want to be better.”
She snorted. “What’s next? Are you going to tell me I complete you?”
A smirk stretched across his face. Tugging her closer, he settled his forehead against hers. “No. As true as that is, I was actually going to suggest we go to bed.”
“You do remember that I have cooties?” she whispered.
“I remember perfectly well,” he murmured, kissing her nose. “However, if you’re feeling up to it, it’s a risk I’m more than willing to take.”
“You’re so reckless.”
“Only when it comes to you, Miss McAvay.”
She giggled as he scooped her up and cradled her in his arms. Flipping
the switch on their way past, Taylor cast the downstairs into darkness but for the first time that day, her heart was heading toward the light.
VI.
Clasping the last button on his shirt, Sebastian stood at the side of the bed and stared down at her. It was so hard to leave. Every part of him wanted to climb back into bed beside Taylor and hold her tight. Last night had been hell. The fear, guilt, and remorse had threatened to crush him. Remnants of it still crawled through his veins, but his conscience was a bit lighter. At least the truth was out there. Everything was on the table, and though there had been traces of the things he’d feared most in her eyes, by the end of the night, somehow, that look of love had returned. She would never understand how much that meant to him—how broken he’d been thinking he would never see it again.
His face twisted with a pensive frown. Marx and others like him would only see Taylor as a weakness. Perhaps that was true. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to see her again or keep her safe. But what they would never know, what they would never understand, was she was also his source of strength. Love didn’t make him vulnerable. It made him stronger and all the more willing to fight.
Leaning over, he brushed a wisp of hair off her face and dropped a light kiss on her brow. He was relieved to find her temperature had cooled. Maybe their lovemaking had helped her fever break. A small smile played on his lips. There was no denying he’d enjoyed the extra heat or the added passion in their venture.
Taylor stirred beneath the covers. A soft groan rose in her throat as she stretched and her eyes fluttered open. The black and silver comforter whispered with her movements. Squinting in the dark, she peered up at him.
“Seb?”
He crouched beside the bed and stroked her soft sable hair. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll be back soon, baby. Go back to bed.”
“What time is it?” she asked. Her voice was still husky and leaden with sleep.
“Just after three.”
“What are you doing?”
“Work called me in. Todd’s brother is on the move. Josh and I are going to check out some leads.”