"Yeah, I do. You know how long I've been wanting this? Since the third time I came to see you. Hell, maybe from the first time. I just didn't realize it until the third. I was driving to see you. Had no reason to. Made an excuse. So I'm driving there. Got stuck at the border. Customs backup. Impatient as hell. Worried I'd get there too late. You'd be tired. Wouldn't want to talk. That's when I realized it. How I felt. Turned around. Pulled into the nearest pay phone. Called and said I couldn't make it."
"I remember that."
"Yeah. Turned tail and ran. Month later? Talked myself down. You needed help. I could give it. Shouldn't turn my back on you. Keep it what it was. Good enough. So I went back. Three fucking years of that. Run away. Come back. Try to be what you needed. What I thought you wanted. Even if I'd thought you wanted more? Not sure it would have changed anything. Getting involved with me? Fucking stupid. No point. Got nothing to offer. You deserve better."
I tried to cut in, but he wouldn't let me.
"If I cared about you?" he continued. "I'd want what's best for you. Which is not me. Quinn comes along? Start thinking maybe that's it. Much as it hurt. Seemed good for you. Tried to rise above it. Couldn't fucking do it. Ran again. Left you hanging."
"Egypt," I murmured. When Jack had begun staring the possibility of retirement in the face, we'd discussed things he might want to do. There wasn't much on his list, but he did want to see Egypt. Just not alone. So I'd offered to go, and it seemed like a plan and then . . . and then it wasn't.
"Yeah. I knew if we went? The two of us? On vacation? I'd let you know. So I stayed away. Hurt you more. Confused you and hurt you. Eventually, decided I couldn't do it. Couldn't pretend. If I saw any sign you weren't happy with Quinn? I was going to move. Stop whining that you deserved better. Take the risk. Be what you deserve. Make you happy."
"You have always made me happy, Jack. You have always been what I deserve." I put my arms around his neck as he lowered his mouth to mine. "And you have always been what I want."
We lay on the forest floor, clothing scattered around us. It was getting cool, the sun dropping, but Jack hadn't made a move to dress yet, so I wasn't, either. I stretched out against him and enjoyed the moment. When he finally did stir, I rolled onto my side, but he reached out and tugged me back.
"Cold?" he said.
"Nope."
"Few more minutes. No rush. Meeting my contact in the morning. So . . ." He stifled a yawn. "No rush."
"Good." I curled up against him. Something crackled under me. The condom wrapper. I pulled it out and lifted it. "May I suggest that after all this is over, we get a clean bill of health and I get myself on birth control? Otherwise, we may need to start buying in bulk."
A chuckle. Then he sobered. "You want me to slow down? Just say so."
"Yes, yes, I do, because I am very clearly not enjoying it. Can't you tell by the way I just lay there, quietly. Very quietly."
Another chuckle.
"If I want you to slow down, Jack, I will tell you to slow down. Admittedly, we are going through these"--I flicked the condom wrapper--"a little fast, but we're both anxious and stressed and frustrated over this hit business. I don't know about you, but it definitely helps for me."
"Yeah."
"It's stress relief. That's my excuse and it's a damned good one, so I'm sticking to it."
He laughed and pulled me into a kiss. When we separated, he looked up at the darkening sky. "Could stay here. Quiet. No hitmen."
"Always a bonus."
"It is. I--"
My cell phone rang, the sound muffled. I glanced toward my jeans, a few feet away.
"So much for quiet."
Jack rose and snagged my jeans and tugged out the still-ringing phone.
"If it's the guy who's trying to kill me, take a message," I said.
"Nah. Almost as bad. Evelyn." He lifted the phone. "You want me . . . ?"
"No, I'll take it."
He handed it over, and I answered.
"It's me," she said. "I tried calling Jack, but he's not answering his phone."