Someone had dosed my drink, and everyone was sure who'd done it. Everyone except me.
I kept replaying the evening. Rafe had handled my drink. More than once. He'd been the one to suggest we go someplace quieter to talk. He'd been the one to suggest we go outside. So he was the obvious choice.
Except that once he'd gotten me alone, he'd done what he promised--talked. I'd kissed him first. He'd made sure it was okay before continuing. He'd asked how much I'd had to drink. He'd hesitated. And maybe that was all part of the setup, so later if I regretted what happened, he could say that I'd taken the lead and he'd just followed.
Maybe he did do it. I wasn't ruling that out. I wasn't sure I believed it, though, certainly not enough to call Chief Carling, which is what Daniel wanted to do.
It was strange. I remember sitting there, talking, but it was like I was watching someone else saying things I'd never say. I didn't defend Rafe. But I wouldn't let them call Chief Carling or even my parents. If it had been anyone else sitting there, I'd have been the one leading the charge, insisting the victim take action.
Two years ago, a summer guy--a grown-up--had cornered Nicole in the woods, and if Serena and I hadn't found them and scared the guy off, I'm sure she would have been raped. She hadn't wanted to tell anyone. I'd talked her into it, then escorted her to Chief Carling and sat with her while she told her parents. Now, having her there, listening to me refuse to report it ... It felt wrong.
But reporting it felt even more wrong. If I accused Rafe, they'd find out about Annie. If Rafe had done it, then I would have to tell someone, because he might do it again to another girl, but if I wasn't totally sure it was him ... I couldn't say anything unless I was sure.
I was in no condition to make a decision. I had witnesses, so it wouldn't matter much if I reported it now or in the morning. I wanted the night to think about it. Daniel wasn't happy with that, but he finally agreed, and I called my dad to come and get me.
I dreamed of the cougar. I kept seeing that mark on her flank. Kept seeing her in front of me, looking at me, and I was mesmerized by her eyes. Then it wasn't her eyes at all, but Rafe's, looking into mine
as I kissed him. Then we weren't kissing, we were scaling the climbing wall. Then it wasn't the wall, but the roof, climbing across the roof, jumping off the roof, flowing back and forth, the roof and the wall, flipping between them until both were gone and I was back in the dream of two nights before, that amazing run.
This time, I wasn't alone. Rafe was beside me, and as we ran, a subtle shift brought me lower and lower, until I wasn't running on two legs but on four. I looked down at the ground blurring beneath me. Beneath my paws.
I jolted upright in bed, gasping for air, heart pounding so hard it hurt.
Yee naaldlooshii.
I knew that word. As I sat there, doubled over, panting and shaking, I kept hearing it over and over, and I felt that I knew it. Somewhere, somehow I knew it.
When I caught my breath, the feeling passed. Of course I knew it. I'd heard the old woman say it and hadn't been able to forget it.
Look it up.
How?
My gaze shifted to my laptop. I shook my head. There's a reason the U.S. Army had used Navajo for codes in WWII--because it was almost impossible for anyone to decipher. I knew about a half-dozen words and struggled with them. I had no chance of spelling this one right.
Try.
"No."
I said the word aloud, startling myself. My heart pounded again. My hands trembled as I clutched the covers.
Afraid of a word? How stupid was that? I was just stressed out from the party and the dreams, and it was too late to fire up my laptop. Our connection out here sucked anyway. I would look it up tomorrow, at Daniel's place. Having him there would help put it in perspective.
That settled, I laid back down and fell back to sleep ... right into a fresh dream.
This time, I saw the cougar again, the one with the mark on her flank. Only she was chasing me. I ran through the forest, trying to get away. She was right behind me. Then I heard Rafe, his voice echoing through the forest.
"Maya, stop!" he shouted. "Don't run. It won't help."
I kept running.
"Please!" he yelled. "You're only making it worse. Stop running away. You can't run away. Accept it."
Accept death? Never. I ignored him and ran until my lungs burned, and still the cat was right on my heels, one leap away from ending my life.
Finally I saw my salvation. The lake. As I raced up the rocks, Rafe shouted to me again. I saw him, across the water, motioning and yelling.
"Maya, don't! Please. Listen to me. Whatever you do, don't jump--"