Your broken arrows are killin’ me.
Why can’t you see?
The thing you hate becomes your fate
Your destiny, Fallen Angel.”
Lena’s song, the one she wrote for Link.
As the music swelled, every card-carrying Angel swayed to the anthem targeted at them. Maybe it was all Ridley, and maybe it wasn’t. The thing is, by the time the song was over, and Link had tossed his winged T-shirt into the bonfire, it felt like a few more things were going up in flames along with it. Everything that had seemed so hard, so insurmountable for so long, just sort of went up in smoke.
Long after the Holy Rollers had stopped playing, even when Ridley and Link were nowhere to be found, Savannah and Emily were still being nice to Lena, and the whole basketball team was suddenly speaking to me again, I looked for some small sign, a lollipop, anywhere. The lone, telltale thread that could come loose to unravel the whole sweater.
But there was nothing. Just the moon, the stars, the music, the lights, and the crowd. Lena and I weren’t even dancing anymore, but were still clinging to each other. We swayed back and forth, the current of heat and cold and electricity and fear pulsing through my veins. As long as there was any music at all, we were in our own little bubble. We weren’t alone in our cave under her covers anymore, but it was still perfect.
Lena pulled back gently, the way she did when something was on her mind, and stared up at me. Like she was looking at me for the first time.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I—” She bit her lower lip nervously, and took a deep breath. “It’s just, there’s something I want to tell you.”
I tried to read her thoughts, her face, anything. Because I was starting to feel like it was the week before Christmas break all over again, and we were standing in the hall at Jackson, instead of in the field at Greenbrier. My arms were still around her waist, and I had to resist the urge to hold her tighter, to make sure she couldn’t get away.
“What is it? You can tell me anything.”
She put her hands on my chest. “In case something happens tonight, I wanted you to know—”
She looked into my eyes, and I heard it as clearly as if she had whispered it in my ear, except it meant more than it ever could have if she had spoken the words aloud. She said them in the only way that had ever mattered between us. The way we had found each other from the beginning. The way we always found our way back.
I love you, Ethan.
For a second, I didn’t know what to say, because “I love you” didn’t seem like enough. It didn’t say everything I wanted to say—that she had saved me from this town, from my life, my dad. From myself. How can three words say all that? They can’t, but I said them anyway, because I meant them.
I love you, too, L. I think I always have.
She settled back into me, resting her head on my shoulder, and I felt her hair warm against my chin. And I felt something else. That part of her I thought I would never be able to reach, the part she kept closed off to the world. I felt it open up, just long enough to let me in. She was giving me a piece of herself, the only piece that was really hers. I wanted to remember this feeling, this moment, like a snapshot I could go back to whenever I wanted.
I wanted it to stay this way forever.
Which, it turns out, was exactly five more minutes.
2.11
Lollipop Girl
Lena and I were still swaying to the music when Link elbowed his way through the crowd. “Hey, man, I’ve been lookin’ for you everywhere.” Link bent over and put his hands on his knees for a second, trying to catch his breath.
“Where’s the fire?”
Link looked worried, which was unusual for a guy who spent most of his time trying to figure out how to hook up and hide from his mom at the same time. “It’s your dad. He’s up on the balcony a the Fallen Soldiers, in his pajamas.”
According to the South Carolina Visitor’s Guide, the Fallen Soldiers was a Civil War Museum. But really it was just Gaylon Evans’ old house, which was full of his Civil War memorabilia. Gaylon left his house and his collection to his daughter, Vera, who was so desperate to become a member of the DAR she let Mrs. Lincoln and her cronies restore the house and turn it into Gatlin’s one and only museum.
“Great.” Embarrassing me in our house wasn’t enough. Now my dad had decided to venture out. Link looked confused. He probably expected me to be surprised that my dad was wandering around in his pajamas. He had no idea this was an everyday occurrence. I realized how little Link actually knew about my life these days, considering he was my best friend—my only friend.
“Ethan, he’s out on the balcony, like he’s gonna jump.”
I couldn’t move. I heard what he was saying, but I couldn’t react. Lately, I was ashamed of my dad. But I still loved him, crazy or not, and I couldn’t lose him. He was the only parent I had left.