I can't answer that because I just don't know the answer. I won't question it, I won't even think about it. Because if I do, I'll lose myself to the what if's.
There are no what if's here. Everything happens for a reason. Ghost is right, you can't fight fate. Cindy will never be forgotten, she'll always be in both mine and Willow's hearts. That beautiful angel loved us both and we loved her. If she took anything to the grave, it was that knowledge. And the truth is, for the first time since she died, I can breathe easily without one shred of guilt inside of me.
My beautiful Willow is having my baby, and as I stroke her still flat stomach, I smile. Titus might not have been my biological father, but he was my dad, the best there ever was. If he taught me anything it's how to be a good father. I may not have given any thought to having kids, might be too early in our relationship for it, but this little girl has loved me most of her life. She's loyal, smart, beautiful, everything any man on this earth would be lucky to have, and she's all mine.
“I'm going to take such good care of you, little one,” I swear it, this baby is going to want for nothing. They mean everything to me. Everything.
A little hand slides over mine on her stomach. I look up. She's looking at me, teary-eyed. “I'm sorry.” She whispers, and that whisper cuts me up. She's done nothing wrong. We both made this baby. I should have used condoms, I knew she wasn't on any kind of birth control, I knew she hadn't been able to take anything for a while. This is my fault.
God, but once I had her bare the first time, I couldn't even think about covering it up after that. She felt so damn good. That and we're always so fuckin' hot for each other that it just don't come into mind that we need protection.
I should be angry with myself, and I guess I was for a short while there. But I'm not angry anymore. This happened because it was meant to be, simple as that.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, beautiful.” I smile while stroking her cheek with my free hand. “This was not a mistake, Will.”
“It wasn't?” Her eyes narrow slightly. I know why she thought it would be when I walked away like I did. But I refuse to believe this baby was any kind of mistake.
“No, baby girl,” I shake my head. “I'm sorry that I walked out the way I did, I was in shock. But I'm not in shock now. This baby is a sign, Will.”
“What kind of sign?” Her voice is low but so full of wonder.
“A sign that the both of you are mine. You were born to be mine, Willow.” Her smile is what I live for. “Weren't you?” She nods and bites her lip. I take her hands in mine and bring them to my lips, kissing them long and hard.
I'm a little nervous. God, I wasn't this nervous when I proposed to Cindy. I need to stop thinking about Cindy and what we had, that time is over. Now is mine and Willow's time.
“I love you, Willow Jackson. I really fuckin' love you.”
She laughs. “I really fuckin' love you, too, Sam Marshall.”
“Then marry me, Willow. Please?”
“Sam,” My name gushes from her mouth in a shocked whisper. Her mouth is opening and closing like a fish out of water.
“I know what you're thinking,” I tell her. “You're thinking that I'm doing this because of the baby. I'm not. I'm doing this because it feels right. I was going to ask you to marry me, just didn't realize it would be yet. But why wait? We're meant to be, Will.”
She nods, tears falling from her eyes. “You have no idea...”
“Hey,” I scoot closer to her. “Baby, everything is going to be okay, I promise.”
“I love you so much. You have no idea how long I have wished for this.” I smile at her, my beautiful girl. “I want to be your wife, Hammer. There is nothing I want more.”
I help her up and into my arms, her head on my shoulder. “I'm gonna make it perfect, baby. You'll see.”
All I need to do now is tell my little brother the truth about me. I only hope he understands why my mother did what she did, even if I don't fully understand it myself.
This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Or at least, it's up there with losing my parents, Cindy, and almost losing Willow.
Over the top?
Possibly. But seeing my brother's face after explaining everything I know about my true bloodline, the truth of what my mother and father did to keep me safe, I think it's safe to say my brother is crushed.
This man sitting across from me at my dining table, this big, tough man wearing dark jeans, t-shirt, his cut, and motorcycle boots, was once the young boy who followed me around wanting to be just like me. This man was once the teenager who clung to me the night our parents were killed, murdered just for being part of the club Tank and I have belonged to since the day we were born.
That day will never leave my mind, never will I forget my fifteen-year-old brother's sobs as I held him close to me. I was twenty or thereabouts, I shouldn't have been telling my little brother that our parents were never coming back. I shouldn't have been holding him up while he crumbled.
But I was holding him up because he needed me. He needed me so badly. I only left him for a short while after we found the cunts who killed our parents. While my brothers obliterated the rest of that pathetic club, I ripped the cunts who actually pulled the trigger on my parents apart.
Fuck, there was nothing left of those cunts by the time I'd finished.
Once it was over, I burned that place to the fuckin' ground!
I went home, and Shepard's son, VJ, was born that very night. While everyone else was gushing over the new baby, I sat with my brother and told him how our parents had been avenged. I'd gotten justice for them. With tears in his eyes, he told me, ‘Ain't nobody gonna threaten us again. I'm gonna make sure of it, Sam. As soon as I'm allowed, I'm joinin' the Snakes, and no one will fuck with us again.’
I held him close to me that night, my little brother. I believed every word he said. But I couldn't've known just how dangerous that young boy would become. In the thirteen plus years since that day, he has become one of the most dangerous men I have ever known. Loyal, but dangerous.
Seeing him right now, sitting in front of me looking so shocked and broken, I just don't recognize him. He doesn't even look angry. Why the hell isn't he angry about this?
“Tank? Say something.”
He's sitting with his head in his hands. He rakes his fingers through his hair before looking up at me. “You need to talk to him. Vidal, I mean.”
“What the fuck for?” Is he insane?!
“Because like it or not, he's your brother, Hammer.” I roll my neck and feel the tension crack. I don't wanna hear this shit! “You can be as angry and as annoyed as you want, brother, but the fact remains, Vidal is as much your brother as I am.”
“Bullshit! He is nothin' to me.”
“But he is. It doesn't matter how much you tell yourself that, he is something to you, big brother. And whether you want it or not, he's not just gonna walk out of your life now that he knows the truth.”
He's right. I know that he is. Trouble is, I don't want that prick in my life. He's not my brother. He's nothing to do with me!
“Don't do that, Hammer.”
“Do what? Enlighten me, as you seem to know everything about me!”
“I do know everything about you,” He laughs. I don't understand. Yeah, he's gutted about the truth, but
he's not angry. Shouldn't he be angry? “All right, a mafia Don ain't the ideal sibling, but it could be the best sibling a guy could have.”
What the fuck has gotten into him?
“You're untouchable, Hammer. Ain't nobody gonna mess with you for fear of what Vidal will do. Do you have any idea how powerful that makes you?”
“I'm a biker, Tank. What makes you think for one second that cunt would give a shit about me?”
Draven Vidal cares about Draven Vidal.
“Because family is everything to him. Didn't he prove that you meant something to him when he threatened Shepard with death for daring to so much as think about hurting you? Hasn't he proven how much you mean to him by sorting all this shit out for us so our women and kids can go back to their lives? And then there's Ghost. He did that for Avery, but for you also.”
All right, I'll give him that.
“I won't lie, I'm gutted that dad wasn't your biological father. But he was your dad, Hammer, he always will be. If taking Ember on as my own has shown me anything, it's that it doesn't matter if a kid is of your blood or not. Because it's so damn easy to love them as if they were.
“Dad loved you as much as I love Ember. He took you into his heart before you were even born. He was the first man to hold you, tell you he loved you, would do anything for you, just as I did for Ember.
“You won't be hurting his memory if you get to know your brother and sister. You won't be getting to know Joseph Vidal because it's common knowledge that Draven and Maria have nothing to do with him and haven't for years. It isn't their fault, Hammer. They didn't know about you until now, and it sounds like Vidal has moved heaven and earth to find out the truth. Whether you like it or not, he loves you, and that is a powerful thing.”
I wish I could tell him to go fuck himself, but he's right. He loves his daughter as if she was his, no one can ever say that he doesn't. I know Titus loved me just the same. It isn't my half-brother and sisters fault that I didn't know about them, they didn't know about me either.