“You remember that?” I ask, highly impressed.
“I remember everything you tell me,” he replies, and the smile Legend bestows upon me feels like a warm cocoon around my heart.
“Come here,” he says as he pulls on my hand. I don’t hesitate and slide across on soft sheets to him. He pulls me into his arms, slides a leg through mine and whispers in my ear, “Let me hold you for a while.”
My heart slams against my chest wall as I can actually feel the weight of tenderness he’s feeling right now. I know we both went into this with no expectations but the flow of things has taken us right here to this moment where I now start to hope that this is really something more.
It has to be.
We lie like that for I don’t know how long. It would be easy to fall asleep like this but I don’t want to miss a moment of how he’s making me feel right now.
Perhaps thinking I had indeed fallen asleep, Legend whispers, “Pepper?”
“Present and accounted for,” I reply softly.
His deep chuckle vibrates from his body into mine. But then he goes still and asks, “What do you think I should do about Lida?”
I go still as well, because I’ve purposely not given him my opinion on this. He hasn’t asked me before and I didn’t feel it was my place. It’s a touchy subject—discussing a mother’s rights to a child she gave birth to—and I don’t have the same stakes that Legend has in the game.
“I really want your opinion,” he says quietly. “Even if it’s contrary to my feelings.”
And I know his feelings clearly. He’s so angry at Lida for abandoning Charlie in the first place, he doesn’t want to budge a single inch on letting her back in.
I clear my throat. “It really doesn’t matter what I think—”
“Just stop,” he says gruffly as he releases me. He pulls his chin inward so he can look down at me. I tip my head back and take in the disgruntled expression. “It does matter what you think or else I wouldn’t have asked you. You certainly have no end to the opinions you give me on everything else, so please…tell me what you think about Lida.”
I push up to an elbow so I can look more clearly at him. He raises a hand and brushes back a long lock that falls across my forehead.
“If she was really suffering from postpartum depression, then I’m not sure she can be held fully accountable for her actions. My sister, Amy, had it after both of her kids were born and it’s no joke. It takes away a lot of your control and awareness. Lida was probably not herself when she did that.”
“So I should just let her right back in?” he asks, and there’s no hiding the defensiveness in his tone.
But he asked my opinion—insisted on it, actually—and so I’m going to give it. “No. Not right back in. But I think you should consider some type of visitation with supervision. I really don’t know what it feels like to give birth and have that type of bond with a baby, but if it’s as strong as I suspect, she has to be in misery not being able to see Charlie.”
Legend’s eyes hold mine for a moment before he lets out a frustrated huff and rolls to his back to stare at the ceiling. A muscle ticks in his jaw and I sense rather than know there’s something more.
I scoot closer to him, put a hand on his chest and lean over so I’m in his line of sight. He’s forced to look at me. “What’s really bothering you about it?” I ask him.
Because he knows as well as I do that Lida can visit with Charlie in a safe environment with plenty of controls in place.
“She told me she wanted to be a family,” he says quietly.
My stomach drops as I realize, this is something that he might have to seriously consider. Here I’ve gone and fallen in love with the guy and he’s got a ready-made family if he wants it.
“You want to know what I’m really worried about?” he asks quietly and I realize I’d let my gaze go sort of blank.
I focus back in on him. “What?”
“I don’t want her to come in between you and me.” His hand comes to my cheek where he palms it lightly. “I need you to know that she means nothing to me. And if I have to let her back in…if I have to concede that she’s allowed to have a relationship with our daughter…I need you to be secure that I’m not a part of that. That’s between her and Charlie and that’s all it will ever be. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper but the word barely comes out through the emotion clogging my throat.