Charlie is oblivious to this all. Sensing me upset perhaps, she was fussy with me when I tried to hold her. Pepper intervened, softly saying, “Let me try.” When I put her in Pepper’s arms, she quieted and eventually drifted off to sleep.
Didn’t make me jealous in the slightest and even though the majority of my emotions are negative right now because of Lida showing up, the amount of tenderness I felt as I watched Pepper soothe my daughter is a much needed balm.
I look at my watch, check my phone to make sure my ringer is on—which it is as I’d checked probably ten times prior—and I glance at Pepper. She’s got her feet curled up under her while the mamaRoo does it’s rotational magic as Charlie sleeps in it.
Pepper stares at me with worry and I try to give her a reassuring smile. “Sorry. I’m trying to keep my cool.”
“Don’t chill on my account,” she says with a smile. “You have every right to be wigged out.”
Pepper recounted everything to me, including her own opinions on Lida’s demeanor. She seemed put-together, Pepper said. Was definitely angry but not overly aggressive.
What stressed me out is that Pepper felt she was “determined.” She’s not going to fade away and I want to have my attorney be ready to defend.
The phone rings, startling me so bad I almost drop it. For a moment, I’m ashamed at myself because for the first time in my life, I actually feel weak.
Helpless.
Inadequate.
I shake that shit off and I’m relieved when I see it’s my attorney calling me.
“Jim,” I say curtly into the phone and then proceed to tell him exactly what happened. He listens patiently then asks a few questions.
“I want a restraining order against her,” I tell him. “I’m prepared to pay any price.”
“That’s not going to be so easy,” Jim says in an easygoing kind of way that pisses me off.
“Then I’ll find an attorney who it will be easy for,” I snap at him.
“Legend,” Jim replies and his voice is now firm and professional. “Let me explain the law to you. Right now, you have full custody which means Lida has no right to see Charlie. She can go through the proper legal channels to do it. However, one visit to your house is not enough to warrant a court stepping in to protect you and Charlie. For me to get an injunction against harassment, Lida has to have committed at least two specific acts of harassment in the last year.”
“So I can’t do anything right now?” I ask in stunned disbelief, my eyes darting to Pepper. She pushes up off the couch, prompted by the alarm in my voice. “She can just come back onto my property whenever she wants?”
Jim lowers his voice in an attempt to soothe me. It doesn’t work. “The next time she comes on your property, you ask her to leave and you tell her affirmatively that she’s not allowed to come back. If she refuses to leave, call the police and we can do something about it. I’m sorry but that’s the way it is.”
“Well, that’s just fucking not helpful,” I growl at my attorney.
He’s not perturbed by my profanity. “I’m going to reach out to her attorney and request she stay away. I’ll also find out if she’s hired him to move forward with legal proceedings to challenge your custody or request visitation. Let’s see if we can figure out where her mind is.”
“It’s in fucking la-la land, apparently,” I mutter and that causes Jim to chuckle. I’m forced to smile a bit. “Listen…reach out to her attorney and see if you can figure out what the hell she wants. I might be willing to agree to some supervised visitation but custody is off the table. I don’t give a fuck what her psychiatric condition is or was, but she abandoned our kid and she can’t be trusted. You stand firm on that and if she wants to fight, we’ll fight it out in court.”
“Understood,” Jim says gravely. “I’m putting my full attention on this now.”
“Thank you, Jim.”
We end the call and I place my phone on one of the end tables. Pepper is standing right in front of me, and it feels only natural to draw her into my warms. She hugs me and it’s needed. While we hold each other, I tell her everything that Jim just relayed to me.
Finally, I pull away from her and head over to check on Charlie. I bend down and watch the swaying rotation of the mamaRoo. Charlie’s little face is relaxed and peaceful. She’s oblivious to the ugliness going on today, and I hope to always keep that away from her.
With a sigh, I plop down on the floor beside the Roo machine and stretch out my legs. Pepper comes over and sits cross-legged across from me with Charlie in between us. We both just stare at her for a while.