It’s been two and a half weeks since Charlie was found on Legend’s porch and I haven’t sketched once since then. It’s not because I’ve been spending all of my time over at his house, assisting with Charlie when I can, or outside of child-care issues, being pleasured in every way imaginable. No, I’ve spent plenty of time at my house but I haven’t been working.
I think it’s safe to say, my head has been in the clouds and I’ve been having some difficulty coming back to earth. Because even though we agreed from the very beginning that this thing between Legend and me was casual, we both know deep down inside it’s anything but.
We have not admitted that to each other yet, and I don’t know when we will. It’s kind of hard to focus on our deepening intimacy when things have been kind of crazy.
On top of that and another reason my head is in the clouds, is because I’m falling in love with Charlie. I know it was pure necessity at first that Legend asked me to step in and help him, but I just couldn’t keep myself distant from her in an emotional way. Every time I fed her or changed her clothes or rocked her to sleep, my heart became tangled up with the little girl. Although I’ve always loved kids and have enjoyed a close relationship with my niece and nephew, as well as all of my cousins’ kids, I never dreamed of it for myself.
And I’m not dreaming of Charlie for myself at all, because that’s implying a level of closeness that I don’t think Legend is wanting to ever consider. But Charlie is the first newborn I’ve helped so closely within the first few weeks of life, and I’m definitely attached to her in a way that’s more than just the next door neighbor helping out.
But today…some of that has to get pushed back into a level of prioritization.
Today is the day I have to get back to my regular work schedule as I refuse to be late on deadlines and I don’t like the pressure when I get close to one.
My hand moves freely over the paper. I’ve drawn my geese what feels like thousands of times but never the same way. Penelope starts to come to life, wings flared out in a protective arc as a curious heron comes closer to her gosling. It’s not part of the story, but just something to get my juices flowing.
I’m able to work for a solid thirty minutes before I’m interrupted by a phone call. I jolt because it’s the ringtone I’d set for Legend, and it’s doubly shocking because Legend rarely calls.
We’re more of a texting couple.
For example, he texted me not long ago that he couldn’t get that blow job I gave him in my garage yesterday morning out of his mind. I flushed as I remembered it, because it was so exhilarating to do that to him and in a semi-public space where we could have been discovered at any time.
Perhaps I’m an exhibitionist?
Shaking my head, I grab my phone that’s charging on a supply shelf next to my drafting table. I connect the call and immediately tease him, “Why are you calling me? Shouldn’t you be at practice?”
Legend’s laugh is deep with true amusement, and I like humoring him. “Practice is done but we’re headed to the team meeting room to watch some film and then I’m going to squeeze in a workout. Thought I’d check in.”
I don’t say anything for a moment, and that prompts Legend to say, “Weird, right? Normally, I’m contacting you to check on Charlie, but since Lucy’s on full babysitting duty today, I’m just checking in on you and you alone.”
“It does seem weird,” I agree. “But I like it. I’m just doing some sketching. Trying to get my creative juices flowing again.”
“Feel good to be back at the table?” he asks.
“Yeah, it really does.”
“I’m glad,” he murmurs and I can hear in the tone of his voice he’s happy that I love what I do. “Hey…maybe I can hire you to paint Penelope and Bert in Charlie’s room?”
This takes me a back a bit. “Really?”
I mean…Legend knows nothing about the books. We’ve talked about them in general, but that’s about it.
“I bought some for Charlie and sometimes I read them to her,” he goes on to explain. “I know she can’t understand, but I hope she at least likes hearing the sound of my voice. And I love those stupid geese. I bet they’d look great in her nursery.”
Now I’m completely speechless, because this compliment coming from Legend about my work is ridiculously stirring up some deep emotion within me. I open my mouth to say something, and I’m utterly devoid.