I fucked up so bad. I slept with a patient.
Bile sloshed up my throat, and I clamped a hand over my mouth as I whipped around to dry heave into the toilet. Colorful spots assault the darkness behind my eyelids, and I gripped the edge of the toilet to arch sharply. Spitting the bare contents of my stomach, I trembled under the weight of how badly I'd messed up.
My stomach roiled dangerously as I sank to my knees, and I panted from the force of my heaves. I should've just drank at home. I slept with Melissa...
And our four minutes together was absolutely the most amazing four minutes of drunken pleasure I'd ever given a woman. I never wanted to leave my car, to lose count of the freckles on her chest— to slide out of her tight pussy and pretend it hadn't happened.
So many excuses raced through my dazed mind, blocking out the sound of the shower, and I managed a shallow breath heavy with water. We were both drunk, and she was so damned beautiful with her pale skin in that black dress. I was on my sixth beer, and she had a margarita the size of fucking Manhattan on her table. Technically, I'd already sent Sahper her referral, but she'd never made an appointment with him.
I slept with my patient. My hands shook wildly as I grabbed my phone off the vanity to call my sister, and I slumped against the toilet heavily. My gut churned with dread, and I closed my eyes and prayed Laurie would answer the phone so early in the morning.
"Hello..." Slurring thickly from sleep, Laurie's voice slithered into my ears, and I choked out an unintelligible sound. Shoving my knuckles between my teeth, I flung my head back and struggled to breathe as the line crackled overly loud. "Carl? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I had sex with Mel—" Blurting out those horrible five words, my mouth dried as I saw my life flash behind my eyelids. "Laurie— Laurie, I fucked up. I slept with a patient— oh, my fucking God—"
"What? Carl, you did what?" Alarm cleared Laurie's tone, and I shuddered violently as I covered my face in shame. "Carl— no... come on. You know better than to do that."
"I was on the phone with Mom, and I ducked into this bar... When I came out of the bathroom, Mel was there, and... I don't know what happened, Laurie. She's still my patient even thought I referred her out to a doctor in Providence." I couldn't blame it all on Mom, but God damn if she didn't shut the fuck up about her boyfriend...! Was this how Mel felt when her dad never asked how she was? All my mom talked about was her relationship, and as happy as I was for her happiness... she stopped asking me about how I was. Last night, she didn't even ask how my day was, just launching into a huge rant about how wonderful Augustus was, and how they were going to Vegas over the weekend. "I'm freaking the fuck out—"
"Okay— okay, so just breathe, Carl. You were both drunk, and she's not going to be your patient anymore, right? So, all you gotta do is have her make that appointment in Providence, get her to go, and it'll be chill, right?" It wasn't exactly that simple, but I found my sister vocalizing the process comforting. Basically, the gist of it was... I just had to hope somehow to run into Melissa again. "What's her number? You can't contact her, Carl. I'll text her and tell her to make the appointment as soon as she can. It's gonna be okay. We can mitigate this."
"It's not okay!"
"Carl! Damnit! Why are you so shitty at handling personal crisis! Don't make me drive five hours to come smack some sense into you!" My sister's sharp voice whipped across my brain, and I winced hard. "God, you know, you're a good doctor, and a great guy, but if you do anything anyone can perceive as remotely deviant, you think you're the worst. Really, do you honestly think anyone is gonna find out? After the false allegations against you, no one is going to be thinking you're capable of something like this, Carl.
"Seriously, you need to lower your standards. You're a human being, and sometimes, we make mistakes. At least, you have the ability to cover your ass. You referred this Melissa girl out to another doctor, right? So, you did your duty to your ethical standards. Just because she didn't make an appointment yet doesn't mean you're at fault for getting drunk and banging her."
Sourness coated my tongue and inner cheeks, and I ground my teeth as I slowly, carefully processed my sister's hard words.
"Besides— who's gonna tell anyone? Not you, and not her, and that bitch that slapped you with false allegations isn't even in the same state as you anymore. The only reason anyone will find out is if you snitch on yourself. And don't you even think about doing that!"