“I love writing,” she continued, looking up with a smile. “I’ve written a book, but it’s just sitting in my computer collecting dust. There are parts of me in that book. I finished it before I moved, and it was what pushed me to start new.”
“You should publish it,” I said.
She shook her head, looking down again. “I can't. I felt brave enough to leave him, but it nearly broke me. All my friends said I broke his heart, too, and no one was on my side. If I could just live quietly, I would be okay with that. Well, not totally, it’s too boring without friends to spend time with.”
“They don’t sound much like friends, anyway, so you’re probably not lacking anything.”
She chuckled. “It’s why I wrote the book, losing my husband, my friends, my reputation. It changed things, and we were in such a tight-knit community. Everyone would keep talking about it, and I felt like I was being backed into a corner. A few times, I almost changed my mind, to just keep living as we had been, but I knew I couldn’t. The writing was therapeutic for me, and it took me almost a year to finally finish it and start putting the pieces of myself back together.”
The room grew silent. She wasn’t eating anymore, and I wasn’t sure I still felt hungry. Just the thought of someone being so unfair to Angela made me angry. I wished I could meet that ex-husband of hers, so I could punch him out, but it would probably be better just to be glad he was out of the picture.
“I’m sorry about your husband,” I said after a while. “He was clearly a bastard, and you don’t have to worry yourself, missing those so-called friends. If they could turn away from you so easily, then they’re not really your friends in the first place.”
Her eyebrows jumped up. “You’re surprisingly cynical for someone so young.”
I scoffed. “As long as you’ve got eyes and you’re not stupid, it doesn’t matter what age, it’s not difficult to see all the hypocrites. I’ve always had them hanging around me; I guess I was a prime target. It only really hit me after Dad was gone. A lot of people think being popular in school is awesome, but it’s such pressure. I have to put up a front for people that aren’t going to care about me after I graduate. It’s just worse when I act out; I realized that in high school, but having to be the guy that everyone expects is annoying.”
“Then just be yourself. You’re in college now, not high school. It should at least be freer, right?”
I laughed. “If you really think that, then maybe you don’t remember college all that well. I wouldn’t let it trouble me if it really was something so simple. The trouble started when rumors about me started spreading, with both students and professors growing those rumors. No one likes the nice guy, or even likes them, and when people have expectations of you and you don’t meet them… it’s not like it’s unbearable, but it was annoying my whole first year, so I went along with everything in the end.”
“I guess that’s true,” she murmured. “I mostly just stuck to myself back then, honestly. It’s gotta be hard being so popular, when people outside of your family are talking about you.”
We had a quiet moment before she took a deep breath and smiled.
“Come on, let’s eat or this food will get cold. This room is on my tab, you know, and nothing here is cheap.”Chapter Seventeen
BenI lay down on the bed, playing on my phone. I had my ear out listening in the shower. I didn’t really have to worry that Angela would need my help, and she’d had all day today to recover from last night, but still. It was Sunday afternoon, almost time for us to leave, and she’d insisted on us taking separate showers.
Some of my friends had sent me messages since I’d disappeared the whole weekend. We didn’t hang out together often, but I was usually around, and there was some big party yesterday, so they were surprised when I hadn't been there. No doubt, there would be a rumor spreading around about it. Sandra had texted me, too, but I just dismissed her messages. I made things clear to her already the last time we met.
When the door to the bathroom opened, I put my phone away and looked up.
“I thought you’d be naked,” I said with mock disappointment, eyeing her bathrobe. I tilted my head and considered. “Although, that still looks good on you.”
I smirked, remembering that first night I showed up on her doorstep.
She frowned at me, but couldn’t hold the look for long, breaking down in a laugh.