Shallan. Which … which am I…? She’d insisted she would be better soon, but that didn’t seem to be happening. She grasped for an answer, staring into the nothingness until Navani approached and knelt down beside her. Behind, Dalinar accepted a respectful bow from Queen Fen, then bowed back.
“Storms, Shallan,” Navani said. “You look like you can barely keep your eyes open. I’ll get you a palanquin to the upper reaches of the city.”
“The Oathgate is likely clogged,” Radiant said. “I would not take a place from others who might be in greater need.”
“Don’t be foolish, child,” Navani said, then gave her an embrace. “You must have been through so much. Devmrh, would you get a palanquin for Brightness Davar?”
“My own feet are good enough,” Veil said, glaring at the scribe who jumped to obey Navani. “I’m stronger than you think—no offense, Brightness.”
Navani pursed her lips, but then was pulled away by Dalinar and Fen’s conversation; they were planning to write the Azish and explain what had happened. Veil figured he was rightly worried that today’s events would spread as rumors of Alethi betrayal. Storms, if she hadn’t been here herself, she’d have been tempted to believe them. It wasn’t every day that an entire army went rogue.
Radiant decided they could rest for ten minutes. Shallan accepted that, leaning her head back against the wall. Floating …
“Shallan?”
That voice. She opened her eyes to find Adolin scrambling across the wall to her. He skidded a little as he fell to his knees beside her, then raised his hands—only to hesitate, as if confronted by something very fragile.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Veil said. “I’m not some delicate piece of crystal.”
Adolin narrowed his eyes.
“Truly,” Radiant said. “I’m a soldier as much as the men atop this wall. Treat me—other than in obvious respects—as you would treat them.”
“Shallan…” Adolin said, taking her hand.
“What?” Veil asked.
“Something’s wrong.”
“Of course it is,” Radiant said. “This fighting has left us all thoroughly worn out.”
Adolin searched her eyes. She bled from one, to the other, and back. A moment of Veil. A moment of Radiant. Shallan peeking through—
Adolin’s hand tightened around her own.
Shallan’s breath caught. There, she thought. That’s the one. That’s the one I am.
He knows.
Adolin relaxed, and for the first time she noticed how ragged his clothing was. She raised her safehand to her lips. “Adolin, are you all right?”
“Oh!” He looked down at his ripped uniform and scraped hands. “It’s not as bad as it looks, Shallan. Most of the blood isn’t mine. Well, I mean, I guess it is. But I’m feeling better.”
She cupped his face with her freehand. “You’d better not have gotten too many scars. I’m expecting you to remain pretty, I’ll have you know.”
“I’m barely hurt, Shallan. Renarin got to me.”
“Then it’s all right if I do this?” Shallan asked, hugging him. He responded, pulling her tight. He smelled of sweat and blood—not the gentlest of scents, but this was him and she was Shallan.
“How are you?” he asked. “Really?”
“Tired,” she whispered.
“You want a palanquin…”
“Everyone keeps asking that.”
“I could carry you up,” he said, then pulled back and grinned. “Course, you’re a Radiant. So maybe you could carry me instead? I’ve already been all the way up to the top of the city and back down once.…”
Shallan smiled, until farther down the wall a glowing figure in blue landed on the battlements. Kaladin settled down, blue eyes shining, flanked by Rock and Lopen. Soldiers all along the walk turned toward him. Even in a battle with multiple Knights Radiant, there was something about the way Kaladin flew, the way he moved.
Veil immediately took over. She pulled herself to her feet as Kaladin strode along the wall to meet with Dalinar. What happened to his boots?
“Shallan?” Adolin asked.
“A palanquin sounds great,” Veil said. “Thanks.”
Adolin blushed, then nodded and strode toward one of the stairwells down into the city.
“Mmm…” Pattern said. “I’m confused.”
“We need to approach this from a logical position,” Radiant said. “We’ve been dancing around a decision for months, ever since those days we spent in the chasms with Stormblessed. I’ve begun to consider that a relationship between two Knights Radiant is likely to accomplish a more equitable union.”
“Also,” Veil added, “look at those eyes. Simmering with barely bridled emotion.” She walked toward him, grinning.
Then slowed.
Adolin knows me.
What was she doing?
She shoved Radiant and Veil aside, and when they resisted, she stuffed them into the back part of her brain. They were not her. She was occasionally them. But they were not her.
Kaladin hesitated on the wall walk, but Shallan just gave him a wave, then went the other way, tired—but determined.
* * *
Venli stood by the railing of a fleeing ship.
The Fused boasted from within the captain’s cabin. They talked about next time, promising what they’d do and how they’d win. They spoke of past victories, and subtly hinted at why they’d failed. Too few of them had awakened so far, and those who had awakened were unaccustomed to having physical bodies.
What a strange way to treat a failure. She attuned Appreciation anyway. An old rhythm. She loved being able to hear those again at will—she could attune either old or new, and could make her eyes red, except when she drew in Stormlight. Timbre had granted this by capturing the Voidspren within her.
This meant she could hide it from the Fused. From Odium. She stepped away from the cabin door and walked along the side of the ship, which surged through the water, heading back toward Marat.
“This bond was supposed to be impossible,” she whispered to Timbre.
Timbre pulsed to Peace.
“I’m happy too,” Venli whispered. “But why me? Why not one of the humans?”
Timbre pulsed to Irritation, then the Lost.
“That many? I had no idea the human betrayal had cost so many of your people’s lives. And your own grandfather?”
Irritation again.
“I’m not sure how much I trust the humans either. Eshonai did though.”
Nearby, sailors worked on the rigging, speaking softly in Thaylen. Parshmen, yes, but also Thaylens. “I don’t know, Vldgen,” one said. “Yeah, some of them weren’t so bad. But what they did to us…”
“Does that mean we have to kill them?” his companion asked. She caught a tossed rope. “It doesn’t seem right.”
“They took our culture, Vldgen,” the malen said. “They blustering took our entire identity. And they’ll never let a bunch of parshmen remain free. Watch. They’ll come for us.”
“I’ll fight if they do,” Vldgen said. “But … I don’t know. Can’t we simply enjoy being able to think? Being able to exist?” She shook her head, lashing a rope tight. “I just wish I knew who we were.”